Things We Don't Talk About
by just jay
Summary: AU. Kendall Knight is a solo artist, and he is arrogant, cocky, pigheaded and greedy and only cares about himself. Logan Mitchell is legally blind. What happens when they meet? A possible tour? A possible friendship? Maybe even...love? Kogan, Jarlos.
1. There

Thoughts: Hi. New story I didn't want to start. Thanks for opening. (:  


* * *

Kendall Knight arrived at the studio late, as usual. His hair was unkempt, his glossy eyes hidden beneath Ray Banz, and wearing the clothes he was wearing yesterday. He had clearly just rolled out of bed, and clearly didn't care. "You're late," his manager, Scott Allen, pointed out. "How many times are you going to keep doing this, Kendall? It's getting pretty old."

Kendall merely scoffed. "You're joking," he accused, and his voice was hoarse from lack of sleep. "I shouldn't even be expected to be here for ten."

Kendall Knight was handsome, charming, talented, and had that winning smile that all the girls loved. But Kendall was also arrogant, cocky, pigheaded and greedy, and he believed that he was the _best_ thing on this God-given planet that was ever created. He was selfish, and he had no friends; he only cared about himself, if there had been a child crying on the street with a scraped knee, and a magazine with his face on it, Kendall would pick up the magazine.

He had an older sister, Katie, and a mother, Karen, who loved them more than she had ever thought she could love anything in the world. His parents were divorced, and his father had moved to Florida. They had divorced when Kendall was about ten, and his father had visited often. Soon, the visits became less and less, and too quickly not at all, and when Kendall was fourteen, his father had made the move.

It wasn't long after that where he, his sister and mother moved, too. But, they were heading to California, far from Minnesota, and very different from Minnesota. Kendall had been a happy child, and had lived a normal childhood, and he had life skills and experience that would help him forever. But, boy, did he love music. He loved to play that guitar, he just wanted to play his music, and he was good, too.

Kendall started playing anywhere he could, and went to record companies handing out his demo CD, just hoping and praying that one day someone would call him. He didn't think he had a chance, however, Scott Allen had seen Kendall playing in a coffee shop, and approached him. Scott had been apart of Rockit Records, and he had been managing bands and artists for years. He had said Kendall had potential, and he wanted to see him again shortly.

Scott had seen him that same evening at a restaurant in town while he was dining with his wife. Scott had believed strongly that fate had brought the two together again so quickly because Kendall was _destined_ for fame. Kendall _deserved_ this, and the world was ready for him.

And boy, was the world ready for him. The second Kendall was signed, Scott and Gustavo had produced the _perfect_ album with Kendall, who wrote and helped write all of the songs. The flow and beat of the music was perfect for a fifteen year old, and it fit him to a tea. He sang about things he _should _have been singing about, but they still applied to anyone out there. His style was a mix of everything, but especially pop and soul, and he was so likable, and Kendall blew up.

Everyone loved this kid, and everyone wanted to know more about him. Kendall's CD was highly anticipated, and sold approximately 1,500,017 copies in its first week. His first tour ever was a headlining _world _tour, and his 87 shows all sold out within twenty minutes upon the tickets going on the market. He sold out huge arenas, fitting thousands of people, places like The Gillette Stadium in Massachusetts, and Madison Square Garden in New York; Wembley Stadium in London, and the Tokyo Dome in Japan. He made nearly seven million dollars in about six months.

He was a super star. He had remained very humble during the beginning of his journey, and he was always polite. But, he too soon learned how the industry works. He knew he could have whatever the hell he wanted, and he knew people were going to be friends with him just because of that. The one _true_ friend he did have was Carlos Garcia, and they were very close, and Carlos had stuck by Kendall though absolutely _everything_; he was a true friend and he was always on Kendall's side. But Kendall knew he had a lot of power over his career. That was the deal from the beginning, and for him to have had so much influence on that album, to be a teen heartthrob, and to get there pretty much on his own, was a big deal and people were so interested in him and his story, and he told those stories through his music. He didn't just sing about girls, but about life things.

Kendall had an amazing skill; he could create stories in his head. About anything. He could see a couple and write their entire relationship in a song. He can recognize sad eyes, and imagine and write the story, and his songs were magnificent, and detailed, and extraordinary. They were unlike anything the world had been used to, but it was so _likable _by everyone.

The attitude changed a little after his sixteenth birthday. He had failed his driver's test after running a stop sign, and he suddenly felt as if _he_ should not have been denied his license, because _he_ was Kendall Knight.

Mrs. Knight had to remind him that he was just Kendall from Minnesota.

Kendall had to remind Mrs. Knight that he had sold 70,000 seats in two minutes, and _he had a Grammy_.

Mrs. Knight then told Kendall he would have to suck it up and practice, and he'd get it next time.

So, practice is what Kendall did. He postponed a few tour dates, rescheduled a few interviews, and practiced driving during the day, and during the night. He kept his schedule open till he had a mood to drive, which was often because Kendall had bough himself a little birthday present.

Kendall had been to the dealer and purchased a brand new beautiful black Mercedes-Benz MRS McLaren. (There were a few car dealers that offered Kendall discounts, but there was one that said they'd go half with him. Shortly after buying his first car, Kendall learned they had sold 10 more, when Kendall's was the second sold) The car had beautiful red heated leather seats, customized with Kendall's initials stitched into both seats, it had amazing aerodynamics, carbon-ceramic brakes, a 5 speed automatic transmission with 3 manual modes, went 0-60 in 3.4, and it sported a hand built, super charged, all aluminum, SOHC V8 engine, man it was awesome. It was Kendall's baby, and he wanted to drive it_ all_ the time.

He had a lot of licensed friends who were willing to sit in the passenger seat, and he loved it, and he had gotten so good at driving that, when he went to take his test the second time around, he passed it with a perfect score.

Once Kendall had his license, he had felt a-ok to finish his tour, but he had a new attitude. He felt like he should have anything that he wanted. Mrs. Knight and Scott started to set him some boundaries to try to prevent this behavior from getting worse, and gave Kendall restrictions and guidelines that he was _expected_ to follow, or severe consequences would ensue. Mrs. Knight made it _very_ clear she would pull the plug on the tour if necessary.

Kendall rebelled. She couldn't pull the plug on the tour, and he knew it, and that was the problem. He wanted to see how far he could push her nerves; he wanted to act like a teenage boy, basically, and started pulling pranks, and doing things far beyond his maturity. All of his friends besides Carlos were over eighteen, twenty, twenty one, twenty two years old, and they were young in Hollywood. Kendall partied with his friends, and he started smoking pot regularly, and going on drinking binges every so often.

Mrs. Knight cried and cried and begged and begged with her son to stop. This would _ruin_ him. He was sixteen, he had just released his second album which was already platinum, and he had everything going for him. She didn't want his life to be like that. He was just a kid. She said, "Normally, I would say we'll be done with this whole music thing. But we're beyond that. You're mature enough to know what to do. And you're going to do what you want to do, and you're going to think what you're doing is right, and I'll always support you, and stand behind you. But you're piss your pants when you watch how fast all of this falls."

Kendall didn't stop what he was doing, he just slowed down a little. He relaxed a little more, lessening his stress levels, which in turn lessened his want for smoking or drinking. He spent more time focusing on his music, and he even started playing the drums. He was very good from the start, and kept a beat very well.

But there came a point in Kendall's life where he just stopped caring about it all. He couldn't be inspired, he was lonely, Carlos got annoying, Katie was in college, all Mom did was cook and clean, and if he left the house he'd be bombarded by paparazzi. He was stuck, and he wasn't motivated, and he was on the brink of depression.

And that leads us to where we started, with Kendall being late to the studio.

"I'm not joking," said Scott. "_Where_ is the kid I met in the coffee shop?"

"I don't know," said Kendall honestly, "but he's not here."

Kendall went into his dressing room, where the makeup artists and stylist 'prettied' him up, and boy did he look good. He looked ready for this music video, and he made his way to center stage. The director, J. Daniel Mitchell, said, "HEY! There he is! The MAN of the HOUR! Kendall, my man, how the heck are ya?"

Kendall tried to look amused. "Spectacular," he replied.

"Spectacular!" he repeated. "Ok, here's the scene, we're in the city, and you're at a party, and you meet this beautiful girl - BEAUTIFUL GIRL NUMBER ONE COME HERE - and you're thinking like, damn, that's one hot motherfucking girl right there, you know what I'm saying? Eh? Eh? And you're trying to get this girl to go home with you so you can show her your 'collection'. Got it? Got it? Beautiful girl number one, Kendall, this is your leading lady."

Kendall tried to take it all in, and in the meantime, he was studying that girl. "…no," he said finally, sick of the blondes. He looked at the crowd of girls and scanned them, deciding on the prettiest brunette in the bunch. "I want that one."

"BEAUTIFUL GIRL NUMBER SEVEN," J. Daniel Mitchell said, "HERE, NOW." They watched as she rushed over. "Congratulations," he said, "you're now the leading lady. You two, switch outfits, NOW. Then, blondie, in the back."

The girls obeyed, and Kendall couldn't help but be curious if there was going to be a dispute between the girls, but he had thought, obviously there was going to be one. And, of course, he was right, the girls came out of the dressing room clearly angry at one another and Kendall had felt good about this.

They started filming the video, and about halfway through, Kendall yelled, "Ok, cut!"

"'Cut?'" repeated J. Daniel Mitchell, "Only I yell cut! So…CUT! What's wrong?"

Kendall rubbed his head. "I just…need some water. Room temperature."

A water bottle was immediately fetched from the fridge, and Kendall took a sip, and spit it out. "That was cold," he said coldly. Kendall had always had a soft voice when it came to talking, and that was one thing that hadn't changed. Kendall never shouted, but he could be cruel with a soft voice. He threw the open and full water bottle across the room, spilling water everywhere. "_Room_ temperature," he repeated.

"ROOM TEMPERATURE WATER," The director bellowed, "NOW!"

Gustavo stood up, and repeated the same thing, and Scott shook his head with a smile on his face, slightly annoyed, yet amused at the same time. It was incredible to watch hundreds of people jump up and flee in search of room temperature water for one person. He had seen it a thousand times, but it always made him want to laugh.

Once Kendall was satisfied, the director let him review some of the footage, with which he was _not_ satisfied, and they worked, and worked, and kept working till it was perfect. Even Kendall was getting frustrated with how long it had already taken to get some decent footage, if these damn girls would just do as they were told and look good doing it. He rubbed his head for the thousandth time that day, and sighed. "One more time," he said, a phrase he found himself saying more and more frequently.

The director nodded, and said, "Places, everyone. Sound, speed, action."

The girls, on cue, started dancing, and the leading brunette (who had been switched three times), 'bumped' into Kendall, who started 'laughing' and 'shrugging it off' and then the director yelled, "and and CUT."

Kendall rushed to the monitor to watch the scene over and nodded. That one was a keeper, he knew. "Okay," he said, "I liked that one."

It was now going on six in the morning, and Kendall was so tired he couldn't even function properly. He had pushed himself far, and he was done. "I'll see _you_," he said to Beautiful Girl Number 17, "soon."

The rest of the film would be filmed that evening, around 8. They would drive to Kendall's 'apartment,' which was really a storage area, talk 'all night' and 'watch the sun rise'., which would represent 'The Beginning of Something Beautiful,' also the title of the song.

Kendall had fallen asleep in the limo on the ride home, and Scott hated having to wake him up. Not because he was mean when he woke up, honestly, he wasn't, he was responsible and did what he had to do; Scott had just felt bad because Kendall _rarely_ slept. It was seven by the time they had gotten back to the hotel, and Kendall had an interview at nine, giving him an hour to sleep, and fifteen minutes to get ready. They were in San Francisco, and Mrs. Knight had sat this trip out to be with Katie, who _had_ to spend time alone with her privately, as in, without Kendall. Kendall didn't really mind, though, he liked being able to do things on his own.

Scott woke Kendall up, and Kendall nodded, accepting it was time, got out of the limo, surprisingly very discretely, and he and Scott made it into the hotel without a single photo taken of them. They went directly to the elevators, and went up to the seventeenth floor, and went into Kendall's room. Kendall flopped himself down on the couch and passed out, while Scott, who had taken about five or six naps during the coarse of their 18 hour shift, jumped in the shower quickly, did some paper work, and brewed coffee for Kendall, who he woke up at eight.

Kendall took a quick, cold shower, threw on clothes Scott had put in the bathroom for him, brushed his teeth, and downed three cups of coffee within the fifteen minutes he had to get ready. Scott had put the rest of the coffee into a mug for Kendall, who held the cup tightly on the ride to the studio where they would film the interview.

Kendall was rushed into hair, makeup and wardrobe upon entering the building. Many people tried to get him to look perfect; and he did. He was on the air by 9:30, the interview lasted a half hour. He then made his way to center stage outside, where a _huge_ crowd of people waited, including his band members who waited for him on stage. The people started shouting his name in anticipation, and Kendall went up on that stage and sang his latest song; the one he had been filming a video for all day and night. The crowd begged him to sing more and more, and five songs later he really had to get off stage, because he _really_ had to make it to dance rehearsals on time.

After four hours of that, it was time to head to the place he had spent his day yesterday, where they had a red convertible Porsche waiting for him.

Kendall had never been so excited for a video shoot upon seeing that car. "HOLY CAR," he said, fully awake and coherent. "That's the second most beautiful car I've ever seen," he said, "it can't beat my Mercedes, of course," he said, "but…wow. I get to drive this thing!"

Kendall ran his finger along the side of the car, taking in the beauty of it.

"Yes," said J. Daniel, "but the owners are afraid, and they want you to be very, very careful!"

"Who are the owners?"

"Me and my wife," he said, "please, please be careful with my car."

Kendall grinned. "Don't worry. I'll pretend I'm in my Mercedes. How much did you pay for this thing?"

"Dropped about 200 grand for her."

Kendall smiled, competitiveness, obviously, was in his blood, and he was proud that his car was worth twice as much and then some. "The Mercedes," he said, "was almost five. She's my life. My favorite material thing ever. Now, can we start filming already? If we go fast enough, we can use the sun set as a sun rise, and I can go to a party without being cock-blocked by work."

The director laughed loudly. "You sound like my son James," he commented. "But, yes, I agree, LET'S GET ON WITH THE PRODUCTION!"

They went by very quickly, because Kendall _really_ wanted to go to a party in San Francisco. Tomorrow was going to be his last night there, but he had a sold out show at the Kezar Stadium, so this was his last opportunity.

He drove with Beautiful Girl Number 17 to the storage areas in J. Daniel Mitchell's Porsche, and they then got on top of the roof, where everything was all set up and waiting, and they sat on the couch, giving Eskimo and butterfly kisses, talking, cuddling and giving random kisses for the scenes in the video, and before they knew it, the sun was gone, and in the film, it could honestly have been mistaken for a sun rise, especially if you played the shots in reverse order.

Kendall and Scott got in a limo and went to Elixir, a night club where the celebrity party was. There were tons of hardcore partying celebs there, but Kendall wasn't interested in them. He had long gotten used to seeing celebrities, but to him, they weren't worth his time. He just wanted to see who was d-t-f and would go back to the hotel with him, and leave just as quickly as she got there.

* * *

Logan Mitchell sat up in his bed, breathing heavily. He had just had a pretty bad nightmare, one where all of his worst fears had come true, and it had scared him. He'd had nightmares before, and often, but they weren't like this one. This time, he needed comfort.

"James?" he whispered, hoping his brother, who was sleeping on the other side of the room, could hear him. LZ, his seeing eyed canine, lifted his head from his spot on the floor. "James?" He was shaking pretty badly, and he felt sick to his stomach. "Ja-ames." Logan thought quickly, and threw one of his pillows in the direction of the snores. LZ jumped on the edge of his bed.

James jolted awake, and bolted upright. "What happened!"

"James," said Logan in a smile voice. He was obviously crying, now.

James, hearing the cries, quickly got out of bed and advanced towards his brother's bed. "Hey, buddy, what's wrong?" James asked, crawling into bed with his brother and comforting him the best he could. "What happened this time?" LZ got a little closer to them, clearly concerned.

"We don't talk about it," said Logan softly, a phrase he used quite often.

"Okay," said James, not pushing Logan to talk about something he clearly didn't want to talk about. "You're shaking," James noted. "Do you need some water or something?"

"No…don't leave…"

"Okay," said James, "I'm not going anywhere."

Logan Mitchell was born legally blind. He was shy, and lonely and he didn't like to think about the things he could do with himself if he were braver. He knew you chose how you behave, and he knew if he wanted to find courage within himself, he could. But he was too afraid, and he didn't want to change because he didn't care to. His entire life, he was treated like a dependent, because he was. He depended on so many other people throughout the day just to get by, and he _hated_ that. So instead of being like Stevie Wonder, instead of living out his dreams and doing what he loved, he let himself be afraid of the world, and afraid being looked down upon like he had his entire life. That was his first mistake.

Logan Mitchell was so unbelievably secretly talented. That boy understood music and music understood him. You didn't need to see to play piano, or keyboard. Logan couldn't read. He couldn't play many sports. He couldn't watch television. He couldn't drive a car. He couldn't go anywhere by himself. But he could play music, and he was fantastic. Logan's father was a world-renown director. He directed movies and music videos which almost always won many awards. His closest friends were producers and talent agents who would have _happily_ listened to Logan and make him a star.

James was Logan's brother, and he was older by 13 months, and he had always looked out for his younger brother. He was always so nervous that something would happen, or someone would pick on him. He spent a lot of time beating up kids who picked on his brother or threatened his brother, or made fun of his brother. He couldn't just let things like that happen. Logan's life was hard enough as it was, and he wished that people would have just left him alone. He had no doubt that all those years of taunting caused his nightmares, shyness and timidness. He had really wished Logan just didn't _care_ what other people thought, but their dad was a famous director, and people were always, always, always criticizing both of them.

It wasn't easy for the boys to grow up with a movie director father, and he tried his best to keep them from the public, but everyone knew he had two sons, and one of them was blind. Everyone knew everything about his life; they knew how many awards he had won, how many movies he had directed, how many times he'd been to rehab, how many times he'd been to jail, how many wives he went through, how many cars he crashed while drunk driving and how many nights he spent away from home at clubs in an average week.

When the boys woke up the following morning, their father was just getting home.

"Boys," he said, "I been working hard all night," he said, "I want YOU to meet Kendall Knight," he said, "I been thinking about you A LOT lately," he said, "I wish you would JUST COME to more stuff with me. How about coming to the movie premier with me on Friday night?"

James' eyes shifted. "Logan can't _see_ the movie, Dad, in case you forgot."

"So? He can still hear it and follow along! MEET NEW PEOPLE and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE. You can't sit in here COOPED up all the time, Loge."

Logan, standing next to his golden Labrador Retriever, felt awkward, but he nodded, and his pushover self hadn't changed. "Fine, we'll go."

"Are you sure?" James asked. "_You _said -"

"We don't talk about what I said. But we can go. It might be nice."

This wasn't the first time Logan had opted to give something a try and it failed. He had went to the Academy awards once, and that blew up in his face. James tried to get him to go to the park, that blew up in his face. Nobody wanted this to be like those times.

* * *

Note: well, what do you think? worth continuing? thanks for readinggg. (:


	2. Is

Thoughts: Thanks to everyone who read and reviewed. You make my days every time I get one. I cannot express how appreciative I am (:

* * *

The premier wasn't so bad, he just hated not having LZ. He kept his sunglasses on the entire time, but he always knew when a picture was taken, because he could tell when the flashes went off. Things went lighter for the instance of the flashes, and it kind of gave him a headache. He remembered why he hated these things.

When they got off the carpet and went inside the theater, the boys' father introduced them to some of the movies' stars and producers.

James was a good replacement of LZ when he couldn't be around. "Gustavo, heading our way," he whispered upon seeing the man behind the music.

Logan subtly nodded in response.

"Gustavo!" said J. Daniel Mitchell.

"Danny!" said Gustavo with just as much enthusiasm. "Boys! It's GREAT to see you here! It's been a while since you came to a premier!"

"Yeah," said James, "Probably four years. Right Logan?"

Logan agreed, even though he knew it was exactly three years eight months and two days since they'd been to a premier. Logan was very good with numbers and dates; he had an excellent memory and could retain information like an elephant.

Gustavo put his arm around Logan and they took a few steps to have a private word. "Lots of hot ladies here tonight, Logan," said Gustavo, "just say the word, and I'll hook you up. I got your back."

Logan laughed. "Alright, Gustavo," he said, "I'll keep that in mind."

"That's my boy," he said, and led the boy back to his brother, who whispered, "what was that about?"

"We don't talk about it," Logan whispered back.

James sighed, "stranger, twelve o'clock."

Logan again gave the subtle nod. Logan did not have a wide range of actions, and he typically did the same thing.

"Jake" said J. Daniel Mitchell, "How are you? It's nice to see you again! Haven't seen you since filming, man! Op, these are my boys, James, and Logan."

James held out his hand, "Nice to meet you."

"Likewise," said Jake, who held his hand out to Logan.

"Hand," James whispered.

Logan's fist shot out and he waited for a knuckle-touch. He had a very vulnerable immune system, and there were times he ended up in the hospital over a common cold. He didn't like touching other people, and he hated shaking hands. Jake looked surprised but amused, and happily knuckle-touched Logan. "So you're the offspring of the Mitchster," said Jake.

J. Daniel Mitchell started punching Jake, and Jake started punching back, as if they were college fraternity brothers reuniting after a few years of not seeing each other. "YOU!" said the director.

"ME!" said the actor.

And they laughed, and stopped suddenly. Then, laughed again.

James and Logan felt awkward. It had appeared to them that their father got better along with Jake than he did with them.

"So, where were you guys during the filming, huh? We would have loved to have you around!" Jake said to James and Logan.

James shifted his eyes, and Logan appeared as though he didn't hear anything, not moving at all and keeping a poker face.

"Well…we were in Minnesota some of the time," said James, "but we just…you know, didn't feel like traveling across the world to watch filming…" James glanced at Logan. Logan couldn't just travel at any given time for long periods of time, especially to a movie set, where there was people, wires, and chaos. It was dangerous. If he had slipped and fell while out of the country, or if he had gotten sick, or something bad had happened, it wouldn't have gone well in any scenario. Their best bet was for him to just stay home, and James certainly wouldn't go without him, so he stayed home too. That was just their routine, it was how it was.

"Minnesota?" Jake questioned. "What the hell is in Minnesota?"

"My mother," said J. Daniel Mitchell.

"Ohh," said Jake, "Gotcha."

"JAKE, JAKE!" someone was shouting. "It's so good to see you again! Come on, come here, give me a quote."

"Well, I gotta jet," said Jake, "it was nice to meet you guys, Logan, you're a little weird, but I like that. I'll see you soon!" And he 'jetted' off.

James didn't have time to care about the comment, Logan seemed amused anyway, because more and more people kept yelling, "DANNY" and they were introduced to more and more strangers. James secretly loved this kind of lifestyle, and fame was all he had wanted. But with their mother out of the picture, and their father always working, who would take care of Logan?

After about an hour or so of socializing and meeting strangers, the movie was about to start, but J. Daniel Mitchell didn't really want to stay there and watch it. Gustavo had invited him to a party, at a night club called Elixir, and he really wanted to go. "Come with me," he said to his sons. "What's the worse that can happen?"

James and Logan didn't want to think about that, but they didn't want to disappoint their father, so they agreed, and Mr. Mitchell led Logan out of the theater with James right behind them, and the paparazzi flashed and flashed the second they exited the cinema and got into their limo, taking off coats and loosening ties.

They went to the night club, and went in through the back with Gustavo. The place was dark, and Logan kept his sunglasses on. Strobe lights filled the room, making his head hurt worse, and James smiled at the place. He was having the time of his life.

J. Daniel Mitchell said to one of the workers at the club, "These are my boys, they get whatever they want. Got it?"

The person nodded, and agreed, and James said, "…Logan…"

And J. Daniel Mitchell said, "I'll keep Logan, James, you just go and enjoy yourself. Meet someone knew, have a few shots, loosen up."

J. Daniel Mitchell kept Logan close the entire night, and James enjoyed himself, got drunk, and met many, many beautiful girls who knew that his "father was J. Daniel Mitchell." James met some kid named Carlos who was from Los Angeles and together they started testing different alcohols, and they both liked the same ones - Vodka, Rum and Whiskey - and they both disliked the same ones - Chardonnay, Cuervo - and they both liked using lame pick up lines to get girls.

"My best friend does _dirty_ ones," said Carlos. "He get's gross! Like, uh, for example," he looked at a pretty girl and said, "Hey, nice legs! What time do they open?"

James laughed and the girl didn't look amused and walked away quickly.

"With a dad like Mitchell," said Carlos, "how do you not do this all the time!"

James chugged the rest of his beer before answering, "My little brother is blind," he said, "I usually take care of him."

"Oh dayy-ummmmn that's right, I forgot! What about your mom?"

"Good question."

Carlos nodded and looked at a server. "Two more, our way," he said. "It's gonna be a long night."

Mr. Mitchell had only two shots while watching Logan. He and Gustavo kept a very good eye on the teenager. J. Daniel Mitchell saw Scott Allen, the man who cast roles for the movie, and Kendall Knight, the kid who's music video Mitchell had just finished filming earlier that evening.

"Scott, Kendall!" Shouted Gustavo, who was best friends with Scott, and produced Kendall's first two albums. "Get ova heree!"

Scott and Kendall advanced towards them and sat next to them in the VIP section. Logan scooted a little closer to his father, uncomfortable with the thought of having a stranger next to him. Kendall rubbed his head. His father laughed slightly, "Don't worry, bud," he said, "it's just Kendall and Scott. You know Scott."

"I didn't think I'd see you here," said Scott, "thought you were at the premier."

"We made an appearance there," Gustavo explained. "But I wasn't going to miss this. Danny-boy didn't want to miss it either."

"We're having a good time," said J. Daniel Mitchell, "We can see the movie whenever, but it's rare I get my boys out of the house, and we're having a good time. Are you having a good time, Loge?"

Logan gave a subtle nod.

"Uh, dude," said Kendall, "you know you're inside, right? You can ditch the sunglasses."

"Logan's blind, Kendall," said Logan's father.

Kendall looked surprised, but he didn't apologize for what he said. Instead, he sat looking awkward, and the silence around them ate at all of them.

"So, uh, Gustavo," said Scott, "can I buy you a drink?"

Gustavo stood up. "Absolutely," and the two of them left.

"So, Kendall, are you going on tour for the new album?"

"Scott's working on that," said Kendall, "I have a few dates on the west coast but that's it. I'm playing Kezar tomorrow."

"Oh, that's right, Gustavo told me! He -"

"Excuse me, Mr. Mitchell?" it was a big, security guard.

"…Yes?"

"Your son James is causing a scene on the dance floor. I'm afraid if he can't be controlled I'll have to escort him out."

"Shit," said J. Daniel Mitchell, and he said, "Alright, I'll handle it."

The security guard disappeared, and Logan looked toward his father in a slight panic. "Kendall, do you mind sitting here with Logan for a few minutes? You don't even have to do anything, just make sure he stays okay…it'll just take a few seconds I swear…"

Kendall hadn't really been given a choice, and Mr. Mitchell had disappeared. Kendall glanced at Logan. "So, uh, how old are you?"

"Sixteen."

"And, uh, you're blind?"

"We don't talk about that."

Kendall nodded, accepting, and knowing he wasn't going to leave it at that. He knew he was going to press this kid all he could. Logan had intrigued him from the very beginning. Not only because he was blind, but because he knew Kendall was in the room and wasn't freaking out. Kendall was almost seventeen now; his birthday was in August and it was July. "Do you go to school?"

"No," said Logan. "I graduated home schooling last year."

"Don't you want to go to college?"

"I can't go to college," said Logan, "and I can't do online classes."

"Why can't you go to college?"

No answer.

"Is it 'cause your blind? You shouldn't let something like that hold you back."

"It doesn't…" Logan said, rather defensively. This is the most he had spoke to anyone in a long time, and he hated having to explain himself, but he couldn't let Kendall Knight think things of him. "I…don't _want_ to go to college. But my dad doesn't know that. I know I can be whatever I want. I just…can't be judged and I can't…I just…"

"It does matter that you're blind, you know. There are things you can't do. Like, for example, be left alone at a night club."

"I only can't do those things because nobody trusts me. They just think I'll fuck everything up because I can't see what I'm doing. But it's been this way my whole life, I'm used to it. I can do whatever it is that I want to do."

"Which is?"

"What?"

"Exactly. What is it?"

"What is what?"

"What the fuck do you want to do with your life, Logan? You're sixteen, you've got to have some idea of where you want to be, or who you want to be like."

"I don't even know you. What makes you think I'd just tell you anything?"

"…because for some reason I care. And that never happens, so I think you should be willing to give it a shot."

"Not everything is about you, Kendall."

Kendall chuckled. "No, but a _lot_ of it is."

Logan couldn't exactly argue. Kendall Knight had become a household name, his face was on the cover of magazines, he had three songs on the Top 100 Billboard Chart, and one of them was number one. His first album won a Grammy and 20 other awards, and his second one was _tearing_ up the scene. He sold out his first Worldwide Headlining Tour….also his first tour ever. And that's what Logan had wanted.

"…well? There's got to be something you want out of life."

Logan said nothing. He was done talking. He didn't care if Kendall was the president of the United States. He was a stranger. He barely told James these things and he certainly wasn't telling a stranger. He hated strangers, and strangers usually hated him. Kendall was the first that he'd met in a long time. Logan could always sense tension in a person, and with Kendall there was nothing. It was just Kendall, and Kendall loved himself, and Kendall-vibes were sent. Kendall had a way of making you want to think about him. He always had some sort of incredible first impression, whether it ending on a good note, or a bad note, it was always memorable, and he always left an impact on your heart.

"So…you're done now? You just quit talking to me? Am I talking to a wall? Are you deaf too?"

"No, I'm not deaf," said Logan.

"And that's the only question you're going to answer? Just tell me what you think, dude."

"I think I don't know how people stand to be around you."

Kendall rubbed his head. "I think you love it. I think you're loving the attention I'm giving you. Everybody loves me. I'm irresistible in some way." This was true. Almost everyone across the world had talked about Kendall in some way, good or bad, but Kendall loved it all. He loved knowing people were talking about him, and they were. He did everything he could to make an impact.

Logan smirked, becoming rather amused.

"Not everything is about you, Logan."

Logan turned his way. "I never said that. I never said anything."

"Yeah, and you're acting like a snooty prick, so knock it off. That's what I'm talking about."

"Um, okay, what is it exactly you want me to say?"

Kendall shrugged.

Logan waited for a response.

"Oh, right…um…What do you want out of life?"

"…I want you to start with less personal questions. Start from the bottom, make your way up."

"I don't…" Kendall hesitated before saying, "Okay. Um…what is your favorite color?"

Logan laughed. "You forgot twice already."

"Oh, shit. Um…favorite movi…uh…? I don't really -"

"Come on," said Logan, "you're interviewed all day in and out. You can think of a question for me."

Kendall nodded. "Yeah…" he put a little thought back to his most recent interview. "I guess uh. What's your biggest pet peeve?"

Logan started to think. "Probably my father," he said, nodding seriously. He did have a few drinks earlier, and he was feeling pretty good. "I bet by the end of the night, _something_ is going to happen. I'm surprised it hasn't happened already. The man can't control himself."

"He can'-"

"Logan," Kendall looked to see Gustavo. "Your father and brother got arrested…they just tried beating up the owner's son, and they're pressing charges. They won't make bail for another 48 hours and I have to put you on the jet and send you to Minnesota."

"No," said Logan, "I don't want to go to Minnesota."

"You don't have a choice…you have no where else to go for the next two days, you can't stay at the house alone that long for two days."

"I-"

"Not buts."

"It wasn't a but."

"It was a rebottle, same thing, dawg."

"Gus -"

"Did you say Minnesota?" Kendall asked, speaking up for the first time. "Why would you go to Minnesota?"

"Logan and James pretty much grew up in Minnesota," said Gustavo, "Dan's parents live there."

"Really?" said Kendall, surprised. "I grew up in Minnesota. Near Minneapolis."

"That's like three hours," said Logan, "I grew up in Jackson."

"That's ironic, right? Wow. No shit."

Gustavo said, "Fascinating. Logan, bud, I know you hate getting on planes -"

"I _always_ puke!" said Logan, a bit frantically. "And then I can't breathe, and have an asthma attack…just… I mean, come on, I - I'll be fine without going to Minnesota…I can't get on that plane without James."

Kendall said, "Look. I've got about a week off before I go on my second tour. And I mean, if you want, Logan, I'll stay with you for the two days they're in jail so you don't have to get on the plane and go to Minnesota."

Logan hesitated but said, "I appreciate that. See, Gustavo? I don't have to get on the plane."

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Note: I'm like, two chapters ahead of myself, so, review, review, and I'll update sooner (: I think you will really like the next chapter. It's pretty entertaining, i have to admit. Thanks for reading!


	3. Nothing

Thoughts: Wanted to update both stories before my birthday, which is Saturday. **Hopefully** I can get another one for both in on Friday. thank you all for your wonderful/kind reviews!

This chapter is kind of** longer** than anticipated, but I felt like I ended it where it needed to be ended.

* * *

This wasn't the first time Kendall went to someone's house from a club, but it was, however, the first boy, the first blind person, and first filthy rich teenager. Kendall himself was filthy rich, and it was kind of a different experience going to a house that belonged to a famous Hollywood movie director, who had been in the industry for 30 years.

Mr. Mitchell's entire living room was _decked_ out with awards. He must have had 500 or so, and he was showing them all off, but they weren't all just in the living room. They were throughout the house. The house, Kendall noticed, wasn't exactly what he had expected. It was a relatively normal, huge mansion, but it seemed empty. There was very little furniture; but Kendall knew why. Doorways and hallways were very wide. Everything was neat, and tidy in its' own space, wide and separate from other pieces. Trophies were evenly distributed every two and a half feet, pictures were a foot away from each other. There was no couch, but instead, five lazy chairs, three feet apart and bolted to the floor. There was no coffee table whatsoever, no book shelves, and no television. The only other thing in the living room was a shiny, black grand piano with several white signatures on it.

When they had first entered, a dog Logan called LZ immediately went to his side and stayed there. He was easily sticking by Logan's side, but Logan seemed to know the house pretty well.

"My dad built this house when I was six," said Logan. "He made it so it would be for easy for me to navigate. It's only one floor, but it's massive. It's like, thirty thousand square feet."

"Fuck me," said Kendall. "That's a lot of space."

"Yeah," said Logan. "I don't really go anywhere. I mean, I go in my room, and the kitchen, and the living room, and the dining room. That's about it."

"Can you show me your room?"

Logan hesitated, and for a second I thought he was going to say, "We don't talk about that" or something similar to it. But then he nodded and started making his way down the long, wide hallways. He stayed to the right and ran his hand subtly along the wall as he walked. He passed the first closed door, then the second, and stopped at the third. His hand traveled in a spider motion towards the knob, and he counted three 'steps' mentally. He turned the knob and entered the room.

The room it's self was huge. It was about fifty feet by sixty feet, and most of it was blank space. One large bed was on one side, another on the other side.

"You share a room?" Kendall asked.

"With James," Logan said.

"Why? This place has _so_ much space!"

"It's just easier for me. We've always shared a room, so, we just…do."

"There really is a lot of space."

"Yeah, you said that."

"I'm just saying, that it's a lot," said Kendall, rubbing his head.

"Everything is where it is for a reason. Nothing in this house has every changed, besides the addition of some trophies."

Kendall nodded, not really caring, feeling a bit hungry. "I'm going to go raid the fridge," he said, and took off towards the kitchen and went in the fridge, which was fully stocked with fruits, milk, cans of soda, beer, yogurts, and many other delicious things. Kendall opened the freezer for shits and giggles, and it was filled with alcohol and meat, with a single serving cup of ice cream and a smiley-face ice pack.

"Hey," Kendall called. "Can we drink the alcohol?"

Logan appeared from the bedroom, LZ in tow. He was no longer wearing the sunglasses he was wearing at the club, and for the first time, Kendall saw Logan's eyes. They weren't like any other set of eyes he'd ever seen. They were big, and a thin white glazed layer diminished the brown color. But, not only that, they were lost, and confused, and Kendall instantly knew they had always been like that, and that Logan was honestly lost and confused.

Logan said, "we can do whatever we want. Including drink the alcohol. But we're not driving anywhere."

Kendall smirked. "We're not going anywhere," said Kendall.

"Cool," said Logan, "'cas there's a lot I want to show you."

"Really?" Kendall seemed slightly baffled.

"Yeah. So, open the…uh…not the Patron, the Vodka. The Grey Goose," Logan instructed, carefully picking his alcohol choice. He ran his finger across the countertop as he made his way to the cupboard.

"It surprises me that you drink," said Kendall, as he opened the bottle. "You just…don't strike me as that kind of person."

Logan laughed. "I'm a regular person…well, actually, I'm not a regular person. My dad is John Mitchell," he said, "I probably drink more than you do." Logan knew he was exaggerating; Kendall did not.

"All because of your dad?"

"He caused a lot of problems in the past," said Logan, pulling shot glasses and cups out of the cupboard, and setting them gently on the counter. "and I have a tendency to want to forget, but they haunt my mind till I drink the good, or smoke the weed, or whatever. You know. We don't really talk about it."

Yet, he _was_ talking about it.

"You smoke weed, too? Damn, I guess I'm in the wrong crowd," said Kendall.

Logan laughed. "I'm a good person," said Logan, "and I'm smart, and I care about things nobody else seems to. But I don't give a _fuck_ about living anymore half the time. I don't know why I'm here, and it makes me mad. You, on the other hand, have a purpose."

"Looking great and being fantastic? I know." Kendall poured the Vodka into the shot glasses and filled the cups halfway, going back into the fridge for soda. "Pepsi or Dew?"

"Dew," said Logan, "and no, that's not what I meant. I mean, your purpose is to entertain. You have _millions_ of people who look up to you and want to be like you, want to date you, and want you to inspire them. That's your purpose. To inspire others. What's mine? I don't know."

"Everybody's purpose is to inspire people in some way. I guarantee people already think you're inspirational because you're blind."

"We don't talk about that."

"Why not? Do you always put everything off? Can't you just answer me?"

"You didn't ask a question."

"But you stopped the conversation."

Logan took his shot and sighed. "Alright," he said, "fine. I'll try my best to not say 'we don't talk about that.' But that's my catchphrase, just so you know."

"Yeah, I got that. Anyway, inspirational, blind."

"Well, I don't _feel_ like an inspiration. I'm just Logan. I'm disabled, I can't do half the shit other people can, and what I can do I'm not trusted to do on my own. Hell I don't even trust myself sometimes. It just sucks because…" he trailed off.

"Don't stop talking," Kendall said, "get it out."

"I can't _see_ what I'm doing. I'll never see anything, no matter what, and I always knew that. But lately I just can't stop thinking about all the things I'll never see. Even simple things, like the shoes on my feet. My brother, my dad."

"You thinking about them right now? In jail?"

Logan hesitated before shaking his head subtly. "No," he said, "They're okay. I'm thinking about what's going on right now."

Kendall poured the Mountain Dew in to the cups, mixing the vodka with the soda. He moved the cup closer to Logan, and placed his hand on it. "Thanks," Logan said.

"No prob," replied Kendall. "So, what'd you want to show me?"

Logan smirked, and he pet LZ quickly. He grabbed his drink, and led the way out the back door, and down a path, LZ right beside him. Kendall couldn't help but think, 'shit, the kid is going to trip on a rock, and I'm going to fuck up my first day as babysitter', but Logan didn't slip. He lead the way perfectly to a building in the back.

He opened the door to a recording studio, and Kendall's eyes lit up.

"Shit!" said Kendall, "no way! I have always wanted…wow! Is that what I think it is! This is incredible! Aw, man, this is so AWESOME! Hey, check this out! WOW!"

Kendall explored the studio and it's magic. It was Kendall's favorite place, and he was having such a great time looking and going through everything, it was all foiled when his phone went off. He looked at the caller id. Carlos. "Shit," he said. "Hello?"

"Kendall! Where the hell are you? I've been looking all over-"

"Well, I sort of had this emergency situation…" he glanced at Logan, who was sitting in a chair, petting LZ, drinking his Mountain Dew and Vodka.

"So you just _left_ me hanging here at the club? Dude, I swear -"

"Shut up for a second Carlos."

"Kendall, I'm not just one of your groupie asshole friends you can just boss around. I've been your best friend for _years_ and you just leave me at Elixir? With _your_ friends, and strangers that _you _know?"

Kendall had taken the phone away from his ear. "Logan," he said.

Logan 'looked' up and turned his head in Kendall's direction, as if to say, 'I am acknowledging you.'

"I hate to ask this," said Kendall, "But I kind of left my friend at Elixir. Would you mind if he came and stayed with us till your Dad gets back?"

"No," said Logan, "I don't care. But he better take his shoes off before he comes in the house and not leave them laying around-"

"Gotcha," said Kendall. "Dude, I'll call a cab for you, you can stay with us."

"Who the hell is 'us', Kendall? Stay where? We're sixteen, in case you forgot, and it's 2 a.m. on a Friday night."

"Exactly," I said, "live a little. Don't worry about it. I'll explain later. Just…I'll call the Cab. Text me when you're at the gates."

"Whatever."

"Bye."

Kendall hung up and looked at Logan, who looked like he was looking into space, but he really wasn't looking at anything. If he couldn't see then he couldn't look.

"Sorry," said Kendall, rubbing his head, "when I said I'd do this I forgot about Carlos. He's not old or creepy or anything. He's my age. My best friend. From Minnesota. He's a Minnesota guy, too."

"Honestly," said Logan, "I couldn't care less about Minnesota."

"Wait -what?"

"Don't get me wrong," said Logan, "I love Minnesota, it's my home, it's where I grew up. But Minnesota wasn't good to me either. James and I went to public school for a while, and…it wasn't exactly an enthralling experience."

"It never is," said Kendall, "you need to give it some time."

"I did," said Logan, "We stayed in public school for like, eight years. Things only got worse, especially as Dad got better and we just got on a plane once to stay with dad for a little bit…but we didn't go back. We stayed. We got home schooled. And we did whatever we wanted and weren't under my grandmother's rules. We liked it. We still do."

"Well, I'm still being home schooled," said Kendall. "I'm in _tenth_ grade still, technically. It's hard to focus in school when I'm constantly busy. There are days when I just go without sleeping or eating, sometimes both. I once even like collapsed on stage and woke up in a hospital. But it was worth every minute. My life is pretty awesome."

Logan's white eyes shifted. "I hate hospitals," said Logan. "They're…scary. The smell, the noises…I don't like any of it."

"I don't really like hospitals either," said Kendall, "but you got balls, kid, 'cas I would _never_ stay at a hospital if I couldn't see what the hell was going on."

Kendall then chugged his Mountain Dew and Vodka.

"We think of it differently, though," Logan said, talking about something, "because you see hospitals on tv, too. You saw one before you went to one, right?"

"I was born in one."

"Well, you know what I mean. Like, you kind of knew what to expect."

Kendall nodded. "I guess so. I don't really _remember_ how I felt. I remember I was like, seven, and I broke my arm and dislocated my shoulder, and when I woke up, it was pretty much time to go. But the times after that, yeah. I did know what to expect, and I do have more background information on hospitals than you."

"Most people are afraid of what they don't understand," said Logan, sipping his drink slowly, "but sometimes I'm afraid of what I can't see. Most of the time I'm not, just because I'm used to it, but it does get scary."

Kendall said, "Don't be afraid. Be curious."

Logan said nothing, finished his drink quickly, and stood up, stumbling a little. Kendall knew he was drunk. Kendall was pretty drunk himself, and he was starting to get anxious for Carlos, but he was also having a fun time with Logan, and getting to know him. This was the _first_ time since he moved to California where he felt like he made a new friend all on his own, one that he liked, and one he could trust. And Logan, although he drank and smoked pot, wasn't a bad influence. It was just different, but in a good way.

"I never thought of it that way," Logan decided finally.

Kendall smiled. "I have a way of making people think differently."

"Oh, I know. I've known you for like, two hours and I already know."

"Do you listen to my music?" Kendall asked.

Logan hesitated. "Sometimes," he said. He was afraid of this question; he didn't want to have to talk about Kendall's music. Logan did like Kendall's music, it was nice and catchy, but Logan _loved_ music. He _lived_ it and _breathed_ it, and it was one of the most _private_ things he had to himself. And that was his biggest problem. How do you live a music dream when you're afraid to share music?

"So then you know me better than you think you do."

Logan thought back to the music. "I guess I do."

"So, you don't talk about music either, then?" Kendall assumed.

Logan laughed. "Not really. I don't really…_talk. _This is unusual, honestly. And I'm pretty drunk."

"But music is…_everything. _it can do anything, heal anything, make you feel special, make you feel better, or worse, or help you mend your broken heart, or soul, or satisfy your need for entertainment. It can suffice as a best friend, it can be there for you when nobody else can. Music is the best thing that's ever happened to this damn planet."

"Do you honestly believe that?"

Without hesitation, Kendall said, "Absolutely."

Before Logan answered, Kendall's cell phone went off again, vibrating in his pocket, playing a tune very, very loudly. Kendall jumped a little, then chuckled about it, then chuckled again upon realizing Logan had no idea why he chuckled in the first place. Kendall read the text out loud, squinting his eyes making sense of the letters, "At gates. Let me in quick. it hot as fuck"

Kendall then looked at Logan, baffled. "Who the fuck is this from?"

Logan laughed. "Um, maybe the friend you left at the club!"

"Oh, Carlos! Oh, yeah, it says from Carlos right there, ha-ha-ha. Okay. Let's let Carlos in. How do we do that?"

Logan didn't say anything as he lead the way. Kendall noticed he rarely talked while walking, and stayed very focused, even while under the influence, and LZ stayed by his side. They went up the path, to the house, and Logan went to the front door, located in the foyer off of the living room. "…the code is 1213."

"1213?" Kendall repeated. "Isn't that too easy?"

"It's my birthday," said Logan. "And it's just to open the gate. Do you want to walk to meet him?"

They didn't have to walk far; Carlos was always a ball of energy and made it more than halfway up the driveway before the guys left the house.

"WHOA!" Carlos said. "DOG. Is it going to bite me?"

Kendall laughed. "He's not barking is he?"

Logan said, "He won't acknowledge you unless you give him a reason to."

"Isn't entering enough?" Carlos asked.

"Not with LZ."

"LZ?" questioned Carlos, "what the hell does that stand for."

"Led Zeppelin," said Logan. The dog looked up at his master upon hearing his name. Logan pet him. "Hi. I'm Logan, nice to meet ya, have ya at my house, etcetera, etcetera."

Carlos held his hand out, and Logan did nothing. LZ put his cold, wet, black nose on Logan's hand. Logan held his fist out. Carlos shrugged and slammed it with his own fist, and said, "Okay, so what are we doing here?"

"I live here," said Logan.

Carlos laughed, clearly amused. "I mean, why are we here?"

"Well…" Kendall didn't want to have to explain this. He suddenly felt awkward to explain Logan to someone else. Logan could sense how awkward Kendall felt.

"I'm blind," said Logan. "Like, legally. My, uh, dad and brother are in jail and I can't exactly be left alone, so Kendall volunteered to help me out till they can get bail."

"Oh. Isn't that supposed to happen immediately?"

"I don't know, but they're holding them there till Monday."

"Oh, damn. Can we go inside? I'm pretty sure it's five thousand degrees out here."

Logan said, "I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible," before he started to advance towards the house.

Kendall and Carlos followed, giggling at the sight of LZ's butt, which wiggled as he strutted with his tail straight in the air.

"_You_ volunteered?" Carlos whispered.

Kendall's eyes shook. "Yeah," he said, "I did. And I'm glad I did."

Once they were in the house, they did two more shots and went into the living room, to look at the trophies. There were many that Kendall had never seen or heard of, but there were some he'd recognized, and some he had the same one of, just with his name engraved rather than '_J. Daniel Mitchell'_. Kendall's favorite area, though, was the Academy Awards.

Mr. Mitchell had 10 Oscars, and he'd had them lined up as if they were associating with each other. It was quite a fascinating sight. Kendall glanced at Logan as he thought this, and wondered what it could possibly be like to have _never_ seen anything. It just seemed impossible to him, yet there was the example right in front of him.

"Does your dad play piano?" Carlos asked, studying the signatures on the Grand beauty.

"No," said Logan.

A confused smile formed on Carlos' face. "So, why do you have it? To show off these autographs? I'm pretty sure I saw autographs all over those movie posters."

"It's not to show off the autographs. I can play it."

Kendall smiled now, too. "That's amazing," he said, "That's…that's…that's inspirational. Can you play it for us, right now?"

Logan became awkward and his head turned in the direction of the piano. "Uh…"

"You can't say no," said Kendall, "'Cause I'll just convince you to."

Logan laughed. "I can't argue with that. Alright, alright. I'll play the damn thing. _One_ song. And I'm drunk so if I up fuck don't me blame."

Logan went over to the piano, and LZ eagerly followed, and seemed rather excited as Logan sat down. His posture was perfect, but his body swayed slightly to the left. Kendall noticed and laughed a little and waited patiently for Logan to start playing.

Logan sighed, and readied his hands and feet. He closed his eyes and kept them that way as he played, and he played _beautifully_, and, even drunk, it sounded like magic. Kendall was pretty positive he didn't miss a note, it sounded so stunning. Kendall didn't recognize the song, but he liked it.

When he was done, he slowly took his hands down, and opened his eyes.

"Damn," said Kendall. "Got any other instruments up your sleeve?"

Logan laughed. "Can't get nothing past you, can I?"

"You're joking," Carlos accused. "What else can you play?"

"The drums," said Logan, "a little violin. Alan Jackson taught me a few chords on guitar and I've gotten ok at that."

"Wow," said Kendall. "So you love music. Why don't you like to talk about it?"

"I just…don't." Logan said, getting up from the piano bench, tripped, and fell, and LZ started barking, and Kendall's eyes widened, and Carlos could have sworn he swallowed a bug.

"Holy shit!" Kendall said, rushing over to the scene. Logan, however was laughing.

"Led Zeppelin, shut up," he ordered the dog, who listened immediately.

"Dude, are you okay? How'd you just fall?" Kendall asked.

"I didn't even fall," said Logan, starting to stand up. "I just…tested gravity a little. It's still working. No, I'm okay, I'm okay. I'm not a baby."

"No, but you even said you're more fragile-"

"I did not say that," said Logan defensively. "I said I was, uh, prone to viruses. Or got sick easily. Something among the lines of that. Not at all fragile. The same car could break our arms."

"That makes no sense."

"But does it. I mean does it. I mean…does it. Fuck, it does. It _does_ make sense. What were we talking about again?"

Kendall shrugged. "How the hell should I know?" Then, his phone rang. He whipped it out of his pocket so quickly that he dropped it, and he fell to the floor as he attempted to pick it up, and that is where he stayed as he carried on his conversation. "Hello?"

"Kendall! Where _are _you! Are you nuts? I've been looking everywhere for you! You and Carlos just left the club without telling me a thing! Mr. Mitchell was arrested, and I don't even know where you are! Were you arrested!" It was Scott…a very frantic, upset, and distraught Scott.

"If I were arrested, would I have answered my cell phone? Maybe you should have called earlier."

"I _tried_! Your phone was off!"

"I told you it did that. I told you to get me a new one."

Scott shrugged that off. "Where are you? I'm worried sick, I'm coming to get you. You're jet leaves tomorrow morning to bring you to L.A."

"I'm not going," said Kendall, "till Monday."

"You can't just decide-"

"Yes, I can," said Kendall, "and I did, and I'm not leaving till Monday. Mitchell was arrested, remember? Who the hell is going to stay with Logan?"

"I - oh. Wait, what?"

"Mr. Mitchell. Was. Arrested. And. Logan. Cannot. Stay. Home. Alone," he said it very slowly. "Do I need to self repeated?"

"How can you take care of someone when you're drunk?"

"He's drunk, too."

"Perfect," Scott said sarcastically. "Look, do you need me to come down there? Because I'm on my way -"

"We're fine."

"If something happens-"

"Nothing is going to happen."

"What if he falls or something?"

"He already did that."

"Jesus, is he okay?"

"Yeah, he's not fragile."

"What? Nevermind, just forget it. Check your phone frequently to make sure it is on. Call me if you need anything, I'm staying in San Francisco, too. I'll call your mother and explain in the morning. Kendall, this isn't a game, okay? Taking care of someone else is a responsibility, and just remember that he _can't_ _see_, therefore he sees the _world_ differently than you do. You need to see for him."

"He doesn't see anything. He's blind."

Scott heard Logan say, "_Thanks_ Kendall," sarcastically in the background and he couldn't help but chuckle to himself. He had known the family for a while, and knew Logan since he was a baby, and although he talked very minimally, sarcasm was always Logan's best friend.

"Just…be careful, Kendall, okay? Anything is possible."

Kendall nodded. "Okay, Scott."

"I'll call you in the morning. Behave yourselves goodnight."

"Goodnight." Kendall hung up before Scott could say anything else, and then he continued to struggle to get up off the floor. It took him a little bit, but after a minute or two he gained momentum and made it to his feet.

* * *

Note: Kind of long. But I realllly enjoyed writing this so I hope you enjoyed reading it! Thanks for reading! (:


	4. You

Thoughts: So, Sharon REALLLLLLLLY wants this to be updated. haha. Kind of forced this. wasn't as ahead of myself as I had originally though lol. it just seemed like it because I used a lot of double-spacing action and I wrote a lot quickly. Anywhooo.

* * *

They ended up passing out in various places of the house; Kendall on the floor next to the chair farthest to the left, Carlos in the bathroom next to the toilet, and Logan in the hall closet with LZ.

Carlos was the first to wake, and he was happy to know that he wasn't confused on where he was. He was a little confused of how he ended up in the bathroom, but nonetheless, he knew he was still in San Francisco and he knew he was at J. Daniel Mitchell's house because his best friend volunteered to watch his blind son because Mitchell was thrown in jail.

Carlos got up off the floor, and studied himself in the mirror. He shrugged off his messy hair and appearance and went in search to find Kendall. He started in the most obvious place, and that's where he found Kendall. Kendall was never a mystery and he wasn't hard to figure out. Neither was Carlos, which is why they got along so well.

Carlos kicked Kendall once, and the boy didn't move. He knelt down and started shaking him. "Kendall," he said. "Kendall, wake up. Kendall. Ken-doll. Kennnnnnndall. Ken-doll! KENDALL!"

Kendall jumped awake. "Jesus! You can be gentile!" He started rubbing his head, something he did quite often.

"You were doing that all night, too," Carlos pointed out, worry in his voice.

"It's a habit."

"I don't buy that."

"Where's Logan?"

Carlos shrugged.

Kendall got up quickly, saying "Fuck me," and started looking around the living room, then the kitchen, then went for Logan's room, with Carlos in tow. Logan's room was empty and just as tidy as it was the night before. He checked in the room across the hall, which was evidently Mr. Mitchell's room. It wasn't as big as the boys' room, but boy was it cluster fucked, full of junk, boxes, furniture, and more trophies and Logan was _definitely_ not in there.

He looked in the bathroom, and he looked in a room which ended up being like, a study or something, and Logan wasn't in there either. That's when he remembered the dog.

"The dog," said Kendall to Carlos. Carlos grinned. "LZ!" Kendall shouted. "LZ where are you? Come here, LZ. Come here. Led Zeppelin, come here! Do you want a treat, Led? Leddy-head? Zeppelton?"

Carlos gave Kendall a weird look and Kendall shrugged in response. A scratching noise was heard, and they advanced toward the it. It was the first door on the left, and they opened it. LZ, tail wagging and all, looked up at them with his tongue sticking out. He looked glad to see them, and he licked Kendall's hands and started to freak out a little. Kendall saw Logan asleep in the closet and started to laugh a little.

LZ clearly wanted Kendall to follow him, so he did, and the dog brought him to the kitchen and scratched at the back door. He opened the door and the dog booked it, happily finding his tree.

Kendall left the door open slightly and went back to the closet. Carlos was just staring at Logan, and Logan was silently snoozing away. "Should we leave him or wake him?" Kendall asked.

"Wake him," Carlos replied after contemplating it for a moment.

Kendall knelt and shook Logan a little. "Uh, Logan?" he said. "Wake up, dude."

"That's not going to wake him up from _that_ slumber," said Carlos. "Be louder."

"I feel bad, though."

"Well, knock it off and just wake him up."

Kendall rolled his eyes. "Logan, wake up. LOGAN." He shook him hard and Logan's eyes opened, those white glazed, misty brown eyes of his scaring Kendall slightly. "Are you okay?" Kendall found himself asking when he couldn't think of anything else to say.

Logan sighed, his voice was hoarse as he said, "Just peachy."

Kendall laughed slightly, rubbing his head yet again and Carlos said, "Kendall, seriously. What's going on with you?"

He took his hands down quickly. "Nothing, I told you it's a habit."

Carlos rolled his eyes and Logan said, "Do I even want to know what the hell is going on?"

"It's nothing," Kendall said, and stood up, gently taking Logan's hand to help him up. "You fell asleep in the closet, by the way. How the hell did you get in there?"

Logan laughed. "I must have thought it was my room."

LZ appeared by their sides again, and Logan said, "Led Zeppelin, are you hungry, boy?"

The dog barked for the first time since Kendall had met him, less then twenty four hours ago. The boys followed Logan into the kitchen and he went to the kitchen. The dog food, apparently, was in a plastic garbage can in the kitchen. A measuring cup was used as a scooper, and Logan filled it up, and put it in the dog's bowl easily, and he then stuck his finger in the other dish to see how much water was in it. When he deemed it filled enough, he announced that he had to pee, and went off to find the bathroom.

Carlos said, "So, do you think mom's going to be pissed?"

"She'll get over it. It was an act of kindness, what I did. And I like the kid, surprise, surprise."

"I like him too," said Carlos. "He reminds me a lot of you in a way. The difference is he can't see anything. _You_ just can't see how much of an asshole you are."

Kendall didn't laugh along with him. "I don't know what you're talking about," he said. "I'm a great person. Everyone loves me."

"Example one."

"That's no being an asshole, that's being conceited."

"Which can be the same thing."

"But it's not."

"I'm not going to argue with you, Kendall. You just sit in your own world and think you're right, as usual. Whatever. I know you'll realize that you're in your own bubble and the world honestly doesn't revolve around you."

Kendall honestly had no idea what Carlos was talking about, but either way, he knew that the boy would always be there, and be his best friend, like they had been for the past 17 years.

Kendall shrugged and LZ started to walk off down in the direction Logan went.

Carlos looked at me and bit his lip. "So, enlighten me. What on earth gave you the urge to volunteer to do this?"

Kendall took a deep breath and shook his head. "He was freaking out about the plane. You know how I was my first few times getting on the planes. He said he puked every time, and I'd never seen anyone so panicked about a plane…I just went with it."

Carlos nodded, accepting this answer.

Kendall contemplated something in my mind for a moment, before announcing it to Carlos. "What do you think it's like to be blind?"

Carlos shrugged. "I bet it's like nothing we could ever imagine."

Logan said, "We don't talk about it."

Kendall turned, jumping slightly upon realizing he was in the room again. "…I told you I was insensitive, right?"

Logan chuckled lightly and made his way deeper into the kitchen, and pulling out two tissues from the Kleenex box on the counter. "Put this over your eyes."

They did as instructed. They saw bright whiteness, and nothing but. The only thing they could tell was that there were some parts of the room that were lighter than others.

"That's what I 'see'," Logan used air quotes as he said the word, 'see.' "All day every day. That's it."

Kendall's heart beat hard in his chest. It was weird for him to think that that was all Logan had ever known. He couldn't imagine having never seen some of the things he saw. He was so _lucky._ Nobody really thinks of what it would be like to never have seen your mom's face. To never have seen a movie, or seen the sky, grass, trees. Seeing the Eiffel Tower changed Kendall's life. He's been to Tokyo, He saw Big Ben in London, he has seen the sun rise over the San Francisco Bay. He's seen the moon, and how the stars shine and make shapes, night after night, he's seen the most beautiful girl in the world. All Logan ever knew was just light shades. He had never cherished my eyes so much in my life.

"We should do something today." said Kendall suddenly.

"…Like what?" said Carlos.

"I'm thinking boardwalk."

"I'm thinking that's not a good idea," said Carlos.

"Why not?"

"You'll get mobbed." said Carlos duh-ly.

Logan smirked. "I can take care of that."

Kendall and Carlos looked at each other, and then back at Logan. "What do you mean?"

Logan said nothing, instead, he led the way to a room Kendall had never knew exited, down in a hall full of rooms he never even saw before. Logan's hand ran along the side of the wall as he walked down, passing the first four doors and going into the last door on the left. The label on the door read, Wigs.

Logan plopped himself down immediately in the chair directly to the left. "My dad had an infatuation with disguise," he informed. "It lasted about, five months, but he must have bought over 400 wigs and disguise costumes."

There were hundreds of wigs on heads lines up neatly on shelves in this room. Costumes hung on a bar. There was a fake-freckle and fake-zit station, temporary teeth, makeup out the wazoo, man, this room looked like it belonged to a cosmetic makeup artist.

Carlos started laughing. "Are you kidding? This isn't real right now."

Logan's pale eyes shifted. "It's here. Pick one for yourselves."

"What about you?"

Logan laughed. "No one knows who I am."

Kendall and Carlos spent a half hour trying on different wigs. It was hilarious. There were so many to chose from, and it was great to see themselves with different hair colors and styles. In the end, Kendall ended up with a white-blonde 2 inch afro, a set of freckles, and a pair of sunglasses. Carlos went with shaggy, pin-straight brown hair, and a mole.

Hats were essential. Logan sported red Ray Banz that day, being very specific when having Kendall pick them out. Kendall didn't mind helping Logan, in fact, he found it rather fascinating to spend time with him, and think of the world his way. He listened carefully as Logan described the sunglasses, the shoes that matched, the shirt and pair of pants he wanted to wear that day. He knew exactly what they felt like, and once Kendall had the item and handed it to Logan, Logan would feel it and either agree or disagree.

Logan told Kendall and Carlos they could help themselves to anything in either of the closets, but we were not to touch James's favorite shirt, and Logan wasn't really sure which shirt was James' favorite shirt, so we just picked from Logan's closet, and we all got ready quickly.

"Do you like roller coasters?" Kendall asked Logan.

"No."

"Well, you're going to learn to love them."

They put their hats on, Logan grabbed a cane that he used to feel the ground in front of him. Kendall found this fascinating as well. He found everything about Logan fascinating.

They called a cab and got dropped off at the boardwalk. They were unrecognizable and Kendall dragged Logan onto many, many frightening rides. He stopped forcing him on rides when he started to puke, but Kendall was surprised at how far Logan had made it.

They took a break from rides and decided to eat, but Logan settled for water while Kendall and Carlos were ready for some pizza and soda. Then, it happened. They were sitting at the pizza place inside the amusement park, and Kendall's favorite song came through the speakers. His head started bobbing, his foot started tapping, and the beat moved in his soul.

He couldn't help but sing along. Carlos joined too, and they caused a bit of a scene, but not one of the three other people in the place seemed lively enough to notice. About halfway through the song, Kendall stopped and said, "sing along," while looking straight at Logan. Then, he instantly started singing again.

Logan heart sank a little when he said it, but for the first time in his life, he stepped out of his box, stopped caring about what other people thought, and he sang along, too. Boy, was it sure a surprise to Kendall and Carlos, who stopped, baffled at how _beautiful _he sounded. They were surprised; they had _not_ been expecting that.

Logan stopped singing not long after Kendall and Carlos did. "Why'd you stop singing?" Kendall asked.

"Why did _you?_"

"To listen to you!"

"Why?"

"Dude! You're great!"

Logan shrugged a shoulder casually. Because of the dark lenses on the Ray Banz, Kendall could never tell which direction Logan's eyes were. It was weird for him because he usually _always_ looked someone in the eye while talking with them. Logan was the exception. "I was just singing. It's no big deal."

"Wait, so you're like this musical prodigy," Carlos inquired.

Again, he shrugged casually.

"Why didn't you tell us you could sing?" Kendall asked.

Shrugging for the third time, Logan said, "You didn't ask me."

"I figured you'd just mention it."

"Why?"

"Because I'm Kendall!"

"Shh," Carlos warned, looking around. Again, they were unnoticed by the remaining two people.

Kendall attempted to run his hands through his hair, but then remembered the wig, and the hat, and stopped himself. "Logan," he said, "I just…I'm surprised by you."

Carlos's eyes shifted. He sensed the awkwardness about to come, and he wasn't exactly looking forward to having to sit through it. He just wanted to enjoy this last weekend in San Francisco, he wanted enjoy the last five days in L.A. before going on tour with his best friend without any awkwardness involved. But he was _Kendall_ and things usually got awkward whenever Kendall opened his mouth.

Logan clearly didn't know what to say. "Well, okay."

Kendall laughed. "That's a good thing," said Kendall. "What do you want out of life?"

"Haven't you asked this before?"

"Didn't you avoid the question the last time, too?" Kendall retaliated.

"Touché," said Logan, with a subtle nod.

"Do you want to be involved with music?"

"Well, I mean, I always have _wanted_ to, but."

"What stopped you?"

"…I can't see what I'm doing."

"So? It doesn't stop you."

"I've…it's just…no place for me. Do you…you don't. You don't understand how complicated it'd be for me to pursue anything in music."

"Stevie did it," said Kendall. "Monet was blind, and he was a fucking artist! Who else? Uh, Galilei, Roosevelt, FDR. He was a damn president, and he was pretty blind, too. You know, Helen Keller. That bitch like, ran the damn world, sent everyone into a fricken frenzy or something. Just -what the hell is that saying? - you can't let the fear of striking out keep you from playing the game."

Logan bit his lip, seemingly aggravated that he knew he couldn't win. There was no way Kendall was letting him feel sorry for himself, or feel like he can't do something because he was blind. He knew that Kendall was going to push him outside of his box. But at the same time, he knew that was what he needed to succeed. Which maybe, just maybe, was the reason he let Kendall in so closely, when he hadn't done this ever before.

"We don't talk about that.." said Logan.

"Yeah, we do. So what the hell are you going to do about this?"

Logan shrugged subtly.

"_Talk."_

"I don't know what to say!" said Logan loudly, then quickly became embarrassed by himself. His voice went lower than it ever had before. "I don't know what you _want _me to say."

Kendall bit his lip, and glanced at Carlos. "Say you'll come on tour with me."

Logan's heart stopped.

* * *

Note: AHA. I had wanted the ending of this for so long. haha. Thanks for reading(:


	5. Could

Thoughts: Hmm. I'm really liking this. I did not intend this being slash in the beginning, but I've changed my mind. Kogan. And Jarlos! (: More Jarlos when James gets out of jail. Yay. (:  


* * *

"…That's crazy."

"Sometimes you have to do crazy things to chase your dream."

Logan contemplated this. He loved music. He lived it, breathed it, it was his best friend, his baby, his savior. It was him. He wanted to share music with the world, he wanted everyone to feel as good as he did whenever he played or listened to music. He wanted to show off it's power. But Logan was afraid to do that. He was Logan, the same kid who grew up with a Hollywood father but had never been to a concert, Logan who was shy, and quiet, and timid, and small and lonely, Logan, who couldn't see a thing. He was no Kendall.

"I don't know what to say." Logan repeated.

"Just say yes."

"It's not that easy."

"Of course it is. This is me pretty much giving you a free ride to stardom. You can't tell me you can't take it."

"I'm not telling you I can't take it."

"Then, what are you telling me?"

Carlos was watching them, his eyes going back and forth from Kendall to Logan, from Logan to Kendall, as if he were watching a movie. He was multitasking, eating pizza _and_ fries, still managing to sip his soda every so often while staying highly amused. Boy, was he skilled.

"I'm telling you it's not easy to say yes."

"But it is. You just said it."

"It's easier said than done, and I don't want to say it if I can't go."

"Why wouldn't you be able to go?"

"Even if I had time to think about it and _wanted_ to go, do you honestly think a man is going to let his sixteen year old blind son go on tour with a stranger?"

"First of all, I'm not a stranger, I'm Kendall. You know me. Kind of. And Scott would be there the whole time. Hell, your brother Jacob can come too if he wants."

"James," Logan and Carlos said at the same time. Kendall glanced at Carlos who shrugged and shoved more pizza into his mouth.

"My brother's name is James," Logan clarified even further.

"Well, he can come, too, but no more than that."

Logan laughed. "I only have one brother. His name is James."

"Oh. Well, why didn't you say so? Anyway. Me, Carlos, you, James. You can live with that, can't you? Scott doesn't ride on my bus. He has his own with the drummer and the bass player." Kendall nodded, a little excitedly about explaining touring to Logan.

"It's a blast," said Kendall. "We usually _just_ tour because…well, we do. We don't do any side projects, we end up on a backwards schedule, like, sleeping at day, being awake at night. Like, rocturminal owls. Is that the word?"

"Nocturnal," Logan said.

"Yeah, nocturnal. It's incredible, to play in front of thousands of people every night. You don't even have to see it to know how amazing it is. You can _hear_ it. You can _smell_ it. You can _feel_ it. You can feel that crowd like it's your very heart pumping the blood through your veins. No feeling can compare to that; it's the ultimate high. You don't even _want_ to get drunk or high because you could live off that feeling forever, because you do. You just do the same thing, every night, to a different crowd in a different, amazing, beautiful city. It's an amazing experience, Loge, it really is, and I don't lie. I think you doing this would be great for you."

Logan still seemed unconvinced, but he nodded subtly. "I'll talk to James about it, okay?"

Kendall smirked, thinking, "Yeah, I'll talk to James about it, too."

"Okay," he said out loud. "Finally. This will be so cool, huh, Carlos?"

Carlos, mouth full of fried, looked up from his tray at the mention of his name. "Hmm?"

"I said, this will be cool, right?"

"Yeah. Whatever you say." He had _clearly_ lost interest in listening to them, and had no idea what they were talking about. "Wait, what _did_ you say?"

"James and Logan. Tour. With us."

"Oh, yeah," said Carlos, remembering that situation. "That'd be great. It's so great. Even being a _backup_ singer." He looked at Kendall.

"Hey, that wasn't my idea and you know it."

Carlos smiled. "Yeah, I know it. But I still blame you."

"Oddly, I'm okay with that. So, what do you want to do, now? Go on more rides?"

"No!" Logan said quickly. "Let's go home."

"Are you sure? We just-"

Carlos looked at Kendall. "Be responsible," he said softly, giving Kendall 'The Look'.

Kendall stopped and nodded. "Okay. Okay, we can go home. I'll call the cab."

Kendall called the cab immediately, as promised, and they waited in the pizza joint inside the amusement park for fifteen minutes, Carlos and Kendall talking about how _awesome_ touring is, getting Logan actually a little excited about the offer. He didn't keep his hopes up too high, though. He wasn't sure how James would react to his, and he wasn't sure if his dad would even let them go.

Kendall paid the cab driver who dropped them off in front of the gates of Logan's house. Logan punched the code in; the outside gates had Braille lettering on them. "Why don't the insides have those little bumps?" Kendall asked.

"My dad didn't want me to get out," said Logan. "He locked me in the house often. Sometimes in my bedroom."

"Wait..he just _locked_ you in there?"

"Yeah. He was only looking out," Logan defended his father as they walked up Logan's driveway. The sun was awfully hot beaming down on them and Logan's hand, the one not occupied by his cane, found it's way across his stomach, and Kendall's hand found it massaging his aching head all very subtly, of course.

"He was looking out by locking you in your room?"

"He only locked me in his room while he was doing coke," Logan said. "…wait. That's not helping his case, is it? Uh…he just…he couldn't help himself. He was _addicted, _ya know? He wanted to keep me away from it all." Logan stepped over a rock successfully detected by his cane. Kendall was a little impressed but he should have expected that. He was also very furious at the same time with hearing what Logan was saying. Who just locks their blind son in his room?

"It's, uh, very easy for a blind person to get hurt at a wild party."

"…have you ever gotten hurt?" Kendall almost didn't want to know the answer.

Logan laughed. "Oh, if you only knew."

"Where was James?"

"Which time? There was one time he was at a friend's. One time he was sick. There was like, two weeks when he was in Minnesota, taking care of Grandma who was sick and Grandpa who'd sprained his ankle and grandma didn't want him taking care of all three of us, so I stayed with dad. There was one time he was locked _out_ while I was locked in. There was just _one_ time where he felt like partying, too. That was a trip. There were a few times he just sat outside the bedroom after coming home from the store or something as I was locked in and dad changed the password and was too intoxicated to give it to him."

"So….he locked you in your room?"

"Most of the time, yeah," said Logan. "I didn't mind, too much. I just played my guitar, or my keyboard. Sometimes I got lonely. He didn't lock me in all the time at first."

They had reached the house by now, and Logan entered the code that unlocked the door, and they all swiftly went inside and the cool air conditioning felt nice on their hot, hot skin. LZ appeared instantly at Logan's side, and followed Logan and the boys into the kitchen.

"The first time James and I were separated _was_ when he was in Minnesota for two weeks, and I was here. Dad had about five parties. I was did okay for the first few. The third one someone bumped into me, I fell and got stepped on. It was no big deal. The fourth one, I got a black eye walking into the refridgerator someone had left one. The fifth one…that was the dousy. Someone had smashed a vodka bottle in the kitchen .I got knocked into, fell on the floor. Sliced my hands and knees all up. The alcohol burned my fresh cuts and my dad was too high to know what to do. I woke up with an infection so bad I almost died. I called James and he was on the next flight home. Boy, he let my dad have it. He went to rehab again after that. He's been doing good with staying clean."

Kendall ate this information up. His brain absorbed it like a sponge. Something about Logan intrigued him. He couldn't put his finger on it; but he'd never _wanted_ to make friends with anyone, he never wanted to help anyone live their dream, or work to push them to _want_ to live their dream. But Logan was different. He wanted him to talk about things he didn't talk about.

Kendall seemed to be doing an _excellent_ job of getting Logan out of his shell, out of that comfort zone, getting him to let down those walls he had spent so long maintaining to stay up. Although neither of them knew it at the time, there was something about Kendall that intrigued Logan.

"Was that the only time you got hurt?" KEndall asked, not know why he wanted to know so badly. He couldn't help but ask. If curiosity killed the cat, Kendall was going to be the cat one day because he was just too curious.

"From being blind? No. I've tripped over wires, and clothes, and various items. I was in the recording studio, tripped over a chair and chipped a tooth. Broke my jaw once tripping over a guitar. That was a fun experience. Oh, I twisted my knee once - oh, there was that time Ozzy Osbourne accidentally slammed a door in my face and broke my nose. That one I could have lived without. Oh, there was another time when I broke a toe, my little left one. I think that might just about cover it… well, the times I got hurt from being _blind,_ I mean."

"So, you're like, accident prone?" Carlos asked.

"Pretty much. You probably should have asked that _before_ you asked if I wanted to go on tour."

"Oh, no, we can handle accident-prone. Carlos over there is pretty accident prone, too," said Kendall. "But, I mean, how did your dad just let all that happen?"

"It's not that he _let_ it happen. They're just accidents. Accidents happen. That's what worries him."

"Don't you think if he were more responsible some of that could have been prevented?"

"Well, yeah, definitely. But it is what it is. It doesn't bother me that I get hurt sometimes. At the end of the day, I know my dad loves me. He just does stupid stuff sometimes. But we all do. I mean, if I had been responsible and used that damn cane back then I probably wouldn't have tripped so much. Or if I had asked LZ a lot sooner. It's not James's job to watch me. He just…did. And the times when he did, I was okay. He's like my partner in crime."

Kendall smiled, thinking of his sister. Katie was three years older, and she had always been a menace. She was five years older than him, and she had _loved_ to tease. One of the phrases Kendall heard the most growing up was, "Katie! Leave your brother alone." He smiled thinking back to his childhood. He missed those days sometimes, but he always knew he was where he was supposed to be. He trusted that fate led him in the right direction, and it did.

Carlos went into the fridge and pulled out a water bottle. "Do you guys need water?" he asked them.

"Yeah," said Kendall. "For both of us."

Logan said nothing.

Carlos pulled out two more from the fridge and tossed them both to Kendall. Kendall put one in front of Logan and said, "Right there, bud, okay?" and he took a big gulp from his. The cool water soothed his dry throat and it felt really amazing. Logan sipped his lightly, but for a long time.

Carlos said, "Hey, we should play who can chug the water bottle the fastest."

"Why?" asked Kendall.

"…why not?"

Kendall shrugged. "Logan, you in?"

"…uh, no, I'll pass," he said. "It wouldn't be a good idea. I'd make a mess."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah. Go ahead. I'll watch."

When Kendall looked at him, he was grinning. "You're funny," Kendal accused.

"I've been told that once or twice."

So, Carlos and Kendall proceeded to chug water bottles. Kendall was winning, but he still wanted to have a little fun with Carlos, so he flicked Carlos's neck, hard. Carlos started coughing, water went all over the floor, and Kendall died laughing.

"Dude!" Carlos shouted through coughs, trying to clear the water out of his lungs. "What…was…that for…!"

Kendall couldn't stop laughing.

"…cheater…!"

Logan's eyes shifted underneath his Ray Banz. "What just happened?"

Kendall tried to contain himself enough to answer but he didn't do a very good job. "Hahaha, I ha, flicked haha, oh wow, BAHAHA, I flicked his HA haha, his BAHAHAHHAHA OH MY GOD, neck! And he haha, choked. Oh, wow, I can't breathe."

"…neither…can…I!" said Carlos.

Logan was utterly confused. "Wait…what?"

"Okay," said Kendall, calming down slightly. "I. flicked. Ha. HA. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA. OH MY GOD."

Carlos was trying anything he could to get the water out of his lungs but he was struggling a little bit.

Kendall's stomach and face hurt from laughing so hard.

Logan was not amused.

Then, Kendall's cell phone rang and he said, "Quick, sh, sh, sh, sh,," and stopped laughing. "Carlos, shut up."

Carlos shot him a glare and calmed his coughing down to just quiet 'ahems' trying to get the rest out.

"Yes?" Kendall answered the phone.

"Kendall! How's everything going?" It was Scott.

"Fine. Everything is fine."

"Are you sure?"

"No, I'm lying. We went hiking and Logan hiked right off the mountain," he said sarcastically.

"You're not funny, Kendall, okay? I don't think you understand how serious it is to watch another person!"

"It's not like he's incapable of doing anything. He's a walking, talking human being like you or me."

"No, not like you or me. He can't SEE, Kendall!"

Kendall didn't comment. "We're doing okay. We went to the boardwalk-"

"YOU WHAT? Kendall! You can't bring Logan to the boardwalk! You would get recognized! You would be HOUNDED! I AM SERIOU-"

"Shh," said Kendall, "We were okay. Nobody saw us, we were good with disguises. Logan only threw up once. I think he really likes roller coasters."

Scott couldn't help but chuckle when he heard Logan in the background, "Do not!"

"But…I invited him to go on tour with us. And when he says yes, I kind of need you to help me talk to Mr. Mitchell and get him to go along with this."

"Wait…WHAT? Kendall! How could you do something like that? Do you know how serious this is-"

"I said James can come, too. It'll be great, it'll be fine, you'll be there, James will be there, I'll be there, Carlos will be there, and Carlos and I are doing just fine, aren't we Logan?"

"Uh, yeah." Logan agreed.

"Let me talk to him."

Kendall's eyes shifted and he said, "He wants to talk to you."

He put the phone on speaker.

"Logan?"

Logan jumped a little bit, not expecting that, but went along with it. "Yeah?"

"Is everything okay? Kendall isn't like, locking you in a room or anything, is he?"

Logan laughed. Pretty hard. Kendall didn't find it too funny. "No," he said finally. "I promise you, I have not been locked in one room since I met Kendall Knight."

"Are you feeling okay?"

"Yeah. I'm feeling good."

"Alright. Well, you have my number in your phone, right? Call me if you need anything, alright?"

"Okay. Will do."

"Okay, Kendall, you can take me off of speaker now."

Kendall quickly grabbed the phone put it off speaker and said, "I don't know what you're talking about," into the receiver with a smirk on his face.

"I think you do. Am I off?"

"Yeah, just me. What's up?"

"I talked to Gustavo last night, alright? He said Logan lies about his stomach all the time, so just keep an eye out."

"What do you mean?" Kendall asked, subtly looking over towards Logan, who was patting Carlos's back.

"He's got a poor immune system, remember? Then that ulcer…he gets sick easily, Kendall. That's why you shouldn't have invited him on tour!"

"Well, it'll all be okay…" Kendall looked around and stepped out of the kitchen, going down the hall and into the bathroom for some privacy. He didn't want Logan to know they were talking about him. "They have doctors for a reason. It's not like we're going to do anything that will make him get sick. He's not fragile, I remind you."

"Says the boy who watched him throw up today, on a roller coaster."

"Hey, that's not fair. It was a pretty epic ride."

"I just worry. How's your head been? Carlos said you've been rubbing it a lot. Should I tell mom?"

"No," I said, "Don't tell mom. It's nothing, Carlos is daft. It's just tension headaches, is all. It's okay."

"How do you know?"

"I just know."

"You just…know." He sounded like Professor Snape. It was okay, because sometimes Kendall _wanted_ to feel like Harry Potter. He thought it would be epic, just for a day. But not that day. He overlooked it.

"Yeah. I'm fine, Logan's fine, Carlos, is…well, I think he got the water out of his lungs by now. We're all okay, Scott. Trust me when I say, if something goes wrong, you'll be the first one I call to come bail me out."

Scott laughed. "Alright, Kendall. Well, I'll let you go, then. Be careful. Don't go and party on the boardwalk."

"Nah," I said. "I think I'm going to make this kid show me what he's made of."

"Yeah, well, don't hurt him. You don't want to treat him how Gustavo treated you."

"No, I won't yell at him or call him names or anything. He's far too good for that. Wait till you hear him. Your spine is going to be full of chills."

"Oh, I'll be waiting."

"Wait, um, did you hear anything about James and J. Daniel yet? Like, when are they making bail?"

"They should be cleared around ten or so tomorrow morning."

"Do they know I'm here…? Like, with Loge?"

"Yes," said Scott. "I told you I talked to him, did I not? But, anyway. I'm coming by tomorrow at noon to get you and Carlos. We're going back to Los Angeles in my rental."

"Why? We could get there in like twenty minutes by the jet."

"Because I need to get the rental back."

"O-kay. Whatever you say."

"Alright. Behave. Love you. Bye."

"Love you bye."

He hung up quickly and put his cell phone back in his pocket. He went into the kitchen. Carlos's cheeks were red, but he was no loner coughing, so that was a good sign. Logan was petting LZ, still sitting in the same place he was. Nothing had changed since he had left the room and everything was okay.

"Well, uh, it looks like they should be out in the morning."

Logan nodded. "Okay."

"Want to come to Los Angeles with me?"

Logan choked on air. "What?"

"Well, you showed me your house. I want to show you mine. Meet the parent, meet the sister, that kind of thing."

"Well, like I said, if James goes, I'll go."

"Epic," said Kendall.

The boys hung out all night long in the studio. Kendall really enjoyed playing with the buttons and making music sound its best, and he really liked pushing Logan. Whenever he would make a suggestion to help Logan sound better, Logan would know exactly what he was talking about and do it, but just ten times better than Kendall could have imagined.

Kendall would say, "Sing a little more, like, in your diaphragm."

And he would.

The list was endless, but Kendall saw the star power in Logan. The kid was just screaming star, he was screaming to be let out of that shell, and Kendall was proud to watch this little star unfold in front of his eyes. They'd gotten the keyboard in there, the guitar in there, and the three of them were jamming out, recording all sorts of crazy things, but they _all_ sounded great.

Kendall found himself staring at his new friend. "You're so impressive," he said to him. "Damn, like, you're actually inspirational. I knew it."

Logan smiled so hard he almost laughed. "I don't feel impressive. I just feel like Logan."

Carlos smiled. "Bingo. Perfect thing to say. That's why you have star power. Because you're yourself. You don't work to please others. You do what you love to do."

Logan knew he was right, but it was a little weird to hear it said out loud. He wasn't too sure what to say, so he just shrugged with a small smirk on his face.

Nobody knew it, not even Kendall, but Kendall hadn't taken his eyes off Logan in a long time. Something in his heart told him Logan was never leaving his life. And Kendall wasn't really sure why, but that made him ecstatic inside. It made him feel compassionate. But most of all, it made him feel important.

* * *

Note: Slash? Yay, or nay? I've already made up my mind, though, I'm just curious lol. Sorry if you didn't want it to be slash...but it won't be for a few more chapters. Thanks for reading! (:


	6. Do

Thoughts: Soo I'm reallllllllly proud of this chapter. Not really sure why, but this is definitely my favorite one so far.

I'm really sorry for the grammar mistakes in the last chapter. Hopefully they're not as bad in this one. There was one where I said Katie was 3 years older than Kendall, and then she was 5 years older than Kendall in the same line. Haha. I used the same birthdays I have in my other story, so, Kendall will be 17 in like a month or so, Katie is 5 years older, so she's 22, having a January birthday. Logan's almost 17. James is will be 19. Carlos is 18.

Again, I'm also really sorry for those who didn't want this to be slash. ): I feel bad. But I had to do it. I love Kogan too much to write a story that doesn't involve it lol.

* * *

Kendall woke up with a pounding headache. He hadn't had one this bad in a long time, and he wasn't too sure what to do about it. Tension headaches hadn't left since the incident, but he hadn't experienced pain like this since the it happened.

His head throbbed in the back, and it went all the way up his skull and to his eyes, making them sensitive to light. It was dark and rainy, but it didn't help. He groaned as he got up, off of James' bed. Carlos was still asleep next to him. He advanced across the room, quickly checking on Logan, who's eyes were still closed and his breathing was steady, and LZ was snuggled protectively beside him.

He smiled softly to himself and advanced towards the bathroom and looked in the medicine cabinet. He didn't stop to think that James wouldn't put pills in the reach of Logan, for obvious reasons, and he was a little baffled to see the only thing in the medicine cabinet was toothpaste and a package of Spongebob band-aides.

He _needed_ something to kill this headache, especially before Carlos woke up to discover it, and especially before Logan woke up because he had to be responsible for his sake. He quietly went into J. Daniel Mitchell's bathroom, and he suddenly felt like he was in a pharmacy. He searched for a painkiller that he recognized, and noticed that there was actually one very similar to his prescription, so he snatched two of those and went into the kitchen for some water to swallow it.

He looked at the clock. It was eight thirty. Kendall wasn't sure why he was awake, but he was kind of glad he was. He waited for the pills to kick in before he started to pick up the kitchen. He didn't know why he was cleaning, but he was. He wasn't sure why he felt like taking care of Logan meant taking care of the house and the things in it. It's not like he was house-sitting, just keeping his eye out for the boy. But he desperately wanted to make an impression on James.

It appeared to Kendall that James was the thing that kept Logan going. Logan clearly let James make all his decisions. James clearly was the only one who took care of Logan and for the reason that Kendall was unsure of, he so badly wanted James to approve of him. He so badly wanted Logan to go on this tour, he so badly wanted Logan to step out of his box and live up to his potential. He was too good and too passionate about music to not be fulfilling it.

Logan was up before Carlos, and he sat tiredly at the island in the kitchen. His head found its way to the counter, and LZ sat by the back door, patiently waiting to be let outside. Kendall smiled, let the dog out, and patted Logan's back. "You alright, bud?"

Logan shifted his head so he could speak. "Peachy."

Kendall couldn't help but laugh. "Are you hungry?"

"No."

"Are you thirsty?"

"No."

"Do you need anything?"

"No."

Kendall wanted to laugh again, but decided he didn't want Logan to know he was finding him irresistibly cute. "Are you excited to se…to, uh, have James back?"

Logan's head shot up and he was smirking that half-smile smirk thing Kendall noticed he did often. "Yes. I've missed him, yeah. I know he has missed me more, though. I had you to distract me. All he had was Dad and criminals."

"Which might suffice as a good distraction," I pointed out.

"Not to James," said Logan. "James doesn't…well, he doesn't exactly _think_ about situations he is in till he's out of them. He thinks about me, and what he _would_ be doing if he weren't where he was. If I know James at all, he hasn't thought about anything but me."

"Are you okay with that? And don't say we don't talk about that."

Logan laughed. "Okay, I won't say it. But…I don't know if I'm okay with that. I love James. I just want him to not worry about me all the time. I wish he would just stop and think about himself because I'm not like a helpless baby or anything like that. I'm capable of, you know, being without him for a few days. But I do miss him. Don't you miss your family?"

I smiled at that question. "Yeah," I said, "I do. But I'm used to not being around them, now. I miss them, yeah, but I know they're safe, and I know they're waiting for me to come home."

"I'm sorry you didn't go back when you were supposed to."

"Nonsense," I said, "it was my choice. I volunteered, remember? And I don't regret it."

He smiled faintly and Carlos's loud yawn echoed through the kitchen as he sat next to Logan at the island and said, "Kendall. Make me pancakes."

Kendall rolled his eyes and looked in the freezer behind the alcohol. "How about a toaster waffle?"

"Same thing."

He popped the toaster waffle into the toaster and said, "You want one, Logie?"

"No."

Kendall tried to force his smile away, but hearing Logan say, 'no' as bluntly and quickly as he did made him want to laugh.

He opened the door for LZ, who was scratching at it and he came in and started shaking the rain off of him. "Great, now I smell like wet dog," Kendall complained.

Logan laughed. "You get used to that," he said. "LZ, go lay down."

LZ didn't 'go' lay down, instead, he laid down in front of Logan, and the wet dog smell overcame the kitchen and Kendall said, "ew, how can you eat that toaster waffle when it smells like wet dog?"

Carlos shrugged and continued to eat it.

Kendall put the toaster back where he found it and wiped down the counter.

Then, the front door opened. Kendall looked at the clock, it was quarter to ten, and he looked towards the door and saw Mr. Mitchell and James coming in. He couldn't help but feel a little disappointed that his time with Logan was possibly over, not knowing what was going to happen tour-wise, and L.A. wise.

James rushed over to Logan immediately, lifted him off the chair, spun around hugging him tightly, kissing the top of his head, his forehead, his cheeks. LZ stood up as he did so, and kept a watchful eye on the blind boy. "Oh, I missed you, buddy!" James said. "Are you okay? How are you feeling? Did you do okay without me? Did they take good care of you? They must have, you're in one piece! Oh, I'm so, _so_ sorry, buddy, I'll _never_ get arrested again, I promise!"

Kendall couldn't help but smile at this, but he couldn't help but miss Katie and his mom…even his father, who he hadn't seen in years.

J. Daniel Mitchell, who looked extremely tired, and, like James, was wearing the same clothes as Friday night, and, like James, stunk like a sweat sock, looked at Kendall. "Kendall," he said, "Thank you so much for staying with Logan while…you know. And, Kendall's friend, thank you, too, of course."

Kendall nodded subtly in the way that Logan always did. "The pleasure was mine."

And it was.

"You alright there, Logan?"

"Can't…breathe…"

James loosened his grip. "Sorry," he said, chuckling slightly. "I couldn't help it. Missed your cute face too much!" James ruffled his little brother's hair and laughed. "I'm so happy to see you, Logan. You don't even know."

Logan did that half-smile again, and gently touched James's face all over. James, of course, was used to this, but it was a little weird for Kendall and Carlos, who had never seen this before. "Good to see you, too, James." he said, before lowering his hands.

"Well, Scott's coming around noon," J. Daniel said, "you guys are, you know, obviously, welcome to stay as long as you'd like to…" he seemed awkward. Then again, Kendall couldn't blame him. He'd probably feel awkward if he came home after being in jail for two nights and there was someone he'd met only a few times taking care of his son.

Then again, Kendall wouldn't end up in jail if he had a son to take care of.

"I, uh, am going to take a shower," said J. Daniel, and he proceeded into his bathroom. Kendall didn't worry about the pills at all.

"You stink," Logan told his brother.

James laughed. "Yeah, you'd smell too, if you couldn't take a shower for two days. I guess I'll go shower, too."

That's when he noticed Carlos.

"Hey! Carlos! Man, I knew you said you were friends with Kendall, but I didn't expect to see you here!"

Carlos's ears went red, and they rose as he smiled wildly. "Well, I knew you were brothers with Logan, but I didn't expect you to get arrested!"

"Hey, that guy was asking for it, you know that."

Carlos laughed. "Yeah. He did have it coming."

"What happened?" Logan asked.

James said, "We don't talk about that."

Logan said, "You're not funny."

James said, "I'm not trying to be."

Logan's pale eyes rolled, and he said, "Go take a shower, Stinky."

"Sure thing, Ren."

"That would be _Stimpy_ and Ren," Logan corrected with a grin.

"Same difference."

"I believe that is an oxymoron."

"I believe you are an oxymoron."

"That's not possible."

"Exactly."

"Go take a shower."

James laughed. "You got it, Chief," and as he made his way to the shower, Kendall decided to follow him to the bedroom he shared with Logan.

James said, "Gees! You scared me," when he noticed Kendall was behind him.

Kendall laughed. "Sorry, dude."

James went in his closet and started rummaging for clothes. "Was he good? I'll beat his ass if he was bad." Kendall easily noticed the jokingness in his voice and smirked.

"Yeah, he was good. He's a good kid."

"He's pretty shy around new people," said James. "He's pretty shy in general. I'm surprised he even let you stay here with him."

"Well, he _really_ didn't want to get on that plane."

"He's had more problems with strangers than planes," James offered. "Whenever someone asks him a question, he just goes, 'we don't talk about that', and lets it slide. He shrugs it off."

"He did that at first, but I got him to open up a little, I think."

"Did you?" James questioned, clearly not believing Kendall, still shuffling through his closet.

"Yeah. I mean, he said that- 'We don't talk about that' - a few times in the beginning, but he must have changed his mind or something because I learned a lot about him. He's a great kid, really talented. He loves music."

James stopped immediately. He turned to look at Kendall with a very curious look. "He, uh, talked about music with you?"

"Yeah. He showed me the studio in the back and everything. We were recording songs last night."

Kendall would have _sworn_ James was mad. He would have bet on it with the look and the tone. But, suddenly, James looked impressed. "Wow," he said, clearly baffled. Then, looked concerned. "How'd you do that? You didn't like, tie him up and force him, did you?"

Kendall laughed. "No," he said with a shrug, "I just…got him out of his shell, I guess. I don't know. And I…I invited him on tour with me." He said it quickly.

The shirt in James's hand fell to the floor. "You did what?"

Again, Kendall would have bet his life James was pissed. He _looked_ pissed and he sounded pissed, and Kendall felt awkward, not quite knowing how to handle the situation if he _were_ pissed.

"He said he wouldn't go unless you did," Kendall offered, his voice steady.

"You invited him on tour with you?" James repeated.

Kendall nodded, not feeling too hot about his decision all of a sudden. James had a way of making Kendall feel like he did something he shouldn't have done by asking all those questions, by looking and sounding angry. "Yeah. But he said he wouldn't go unless you did," Kendall repeated. "And he said he wasn't even sure if your dad would let you go."

James shook his head. "I don't give a damn what my father thinks." James's voice was kind of loud, and definitely sharp, and he got closer to Kendall. "He said he would go if I went?" James asked, as if hearing it for the first time.

Kendall nodded, feeling like a tiny child, sitting on Logan's bed as James towered above him, throwing questions at him.

"That's…incredible."

The feeling of feeling like a tiny child subsided instantly and Kendall looked up at James. "W-what?" He hadn't been expecting that. He had been expecting him to be yelling, swearing. How dare Kendall invite his fragile, blind baby brother on tour? It was dangerous! He could fall, he could get hurt! He could get sick! It was absolutely absurd, and this wasn't going to happen.

"It's incredible!" James repeated. "He _played_ for you? Are you like, shitting me?"

"I'm not 'shitting' you…? We had like, a six hour jam session last night. It se-"

"Do you know how _long_ I've been trying to get him to play for someone? For like…eleven years! He won't even play for Grandma! _How'd_ you do it? Like, this is a fucking miracle! HOW DID YOU **DO** **IT**!"

Kendall's eyes went momentarily big as he was taken aback while James's voice boomed. "I just…talked to him. I didn't let him not talk about things. I pushed him to do what is expected of him as a human. Talking. And I think he really wants to go on this tour, and I don't mind you coming along, or LZ. It might be a little hard, yeah, but…I mean, it's not an easy thing to try to fulfill your dreams, and you and I both know that this is that kid's dream."

"…I just have a question. What made you _want_ to invite him along?"

Kendall contemplated this and shrugged. "He deserves it. And he's my friend and I think it'd be good for him."

"And that's it?"

Kendall nodded. "Pretty much, yeah. That's it. So, uh, are you in or out? If you're in, you're coming home to LA with me for a few days before we start this thing. If you're in, you gotta play your part and back up sing for your brother."

Now, James's eyes widened. "Uh. I can't sing."

Kendall smirked. "You don't have to. They'll keep the mic down low."

"He's lying."

Both their heads turned to the door, where Logan was standing, LZ right next to him of course.

"What?" James said firmly.

Logan looked nervous but stepped closer. "James is lying to you, Kendall. He can sing just fine. _And_ he can play the drums. Who do you think taught me?"

"Logan, shut up."

The blind boy seized his talking. He had already said what he needed to say, anyway. They were in. his dreams - they were actually going to come true this time. He was stepping up, and doing what he needed to do.

Kendall smiled, satisfied. "Okay, then. So, this is a yes-go?"

"A yes-go?" James questioned.

"Yeah. You know, opposite of a no-go."

James took in a deep breath. "I make the decisions around here," he said firmly, looking at Logan. "And I know what's right for you. You don't always think I do, but I do. You'll listen to me, Logan. Alright. Like nothing's changed, right? Got it?"

Logan didn't say anything for a while. Kendall would have sworn he was staring at James if he didn't know better. Then, he grinned and nodded.

Kendall stood up and took in a deep breath. James went and picked up his shirt off the ground.

Logan's eyes shifted and he leaned against the wall.

Kendall couldn't help himself. "Just to clarify, you're coming?"

James laughed. "Uh, yeah, we're coming."

Now, Kendall was curious. "Just like that?"

James nodded. "Yeah, pretty much."

"…why?"

James shrugged. "Why not?"

Kendall gave a quick, subtle nod, similar to Logan's, and that was that. It was all their conversation needed. It was basically a done deal.

"I'm taking a shower," said James firmly. "Make your bed, will you?"

He left the room and went to the bathroom, Kendall and Logan hearing a faint door close behind him. Logan instantly started to make his bed.

Kendall, again, was fascinated by him, and watched him as he effortlessly made the bed, as if it were something James said to him daily, as if he could actually see what he was doing. He had figured they'd had a maid or something. He didn't know what to think or to assume anymore.

"You don't need to be a rocket scientist to make your bed," Logan said casually. "Kids with brain deformities can make their beds. I can, too."

"How'd you know I was staring?" Kendall asked, his voice steady and low, calm and beautiful.

Logan threw a pillow towards the headboard, finishing the bed, and looked at Kendall. "I can _feel_ you. I can feel where your eyes are, I can feel your vibrations, and feel where you are." He counted as he took four large steps, "One, two, three, four." He took two more steps to the left, "Five, six," and he was suddenly face to face with Kendall, their noses, their _lips _barely touching. Kendall stared into those pale, white eyes. They were something he'd never forget. Logan's chest rose as he took a breath. Kendall couldn't help but want to kiss those lips…

"Stop staring," Logan said, his chest heaving slightly as he let his breath out. He backed up and his arms swung casually. He smirked, knowing Kendall was still staring. "I'm really not that fascinating."

"No," said Kendall, studying him intently. "You're inspirational."

* * *

Note: awwh. Yeah, I know why this is my favorite chapter now. (: I hope you like it as much as I do. Thanks for reading! (:


	7. That

Thoughts: Oh, I didn't know there was a story out there like this. I would just like to clarify that I didn't steal it. My idea is completely different than the other one...anywho. on with the story(:  


* * *

The hardest part was over, Kendall thought.

He had figured the hardest part was getting James to go along with this. If you asked him the day before, he would have told you there was no way James was going to say okay. He would have told you you were crazy if you said Logan and James would, in fact, be accompanying him on his second worldwide, headlining tour.

Kendall waited with Carlos and Logan in the kitchen as the other two men showered. They were hoping to remove all traces of jail, the stench and the feeling. Kendall sipped from his water bottle and spun around on an island chair. He quickly regretted it, becoming slightly dizzy and almost spilling water on the floor.

Carlos laughed, of course and said, "You're dumb."

Kendall glanced quickly at Logan before saying, "Hush."

Logan did not look amused.

When Mr. Mitchell came out of the shower, Kendall again felt very awkward being in the house. He just felt like he wasn't welcome, or like he didn't have permission to be there. He didn't really like that feeling, but he knew Mr. Mitchell fairly well, having done two videos with him as director, and he had met him once at an awards show, and he had partied with him and Scott once. Just _once_. He didn't know why the man was rubbing off on him in the wrong way, and it bothered him.

J. Daniel Mitchell started to brew some coffee from his fancy-dance Kuerig coffee machine and his eyes looked tired. Carlos said, "So, Mr. Daniel, any good movies coming up?"

Logan turned his head towards his father, as if looking for a response, seemingly as curious as Carlos.

Mr. Mitchell laughed, not a fake laugh, but not a real one. It sounded like he had moaned and someone had shaken him while he did it. Kendall wanted to _laugh_ at his laugh, that's how legitimately ridiculous this was, but he contained himself. "I've got this new 3D Action-Adventure movie with Shia LeBeouf and Chace Crawford, it's going to be awesome." He noticed Logan facing him. "Wanna meet Shia LeBeouf, buddy?" he asked.

Logan hesitated before subtly shaking his head.

"No?" Questioned Mr. Mitchell, giving a real laugh this time. "Comedian, you are, regular ol' comedian. Anyway. Half of it's to be filmed in L.A., the other half on Australian beaches. It's going to be insane." He noticed Logan was still facing him. "Wanna go to Australia beaches, buddy?"

Logan again hesitated before shaking his head.

"What's the matter? You really don't want to meet Shia LeBeouf on an Australian beach?"

"No. I just…don't want to do those things."

Mr. Mitchell looked shocked, as if this were the first time Logan had ever said no. It was because it was. Logan had _never_ told his father he didn't want to go on any of the trips he invited him on. Directing wasn't exactly Logan's thing. He didn't have 'visions' of shows, and he couldn't watch anything. He just had to sit in one spot while his father directed, because there was nothing for him to do, no where for him to go, and nobody to talk to. He hated it.

He'd rather be home where he could use his piano, or drums, or guitar, and not have to sit on a hot beach and meet someone he really didn't care to meet. Mr. Mitchell should have asked an eighteen year old girl that lives in Rhode Island to accompany him on this trip, because she would have loved to go, but not Logan.

"…you really don't?" questioned the flabbergasted father.

Logan shook his head. "I really don't."

"Not even if James goes?"

"James doesn't want to go, either."

This was _clearly_ news to him. "Where do you want to go, then? Minnesota with Grandma?"

Logan shook his head. "I don't want to go to Minnesota with Grandma."

"So, _what_ are your plans, exactly?"

"Logan, I'll handle this," James said, upon entering from the hall way. Kendall wondered _what_ it was about these Mitchell boys and randomly entering and joining conversations like they'd been apart of them the entire time.

"Handle what?" J. Daniel Mitchell asked his eldest son, his pride and joy. "There's a situation right now?"

"It's not a situation," James said firmly, "it's just what we're doing."

"And what is that, exactly?"

Kendall's eyes went from person to person, as did Carlos's, as they watched the two exchange this conversation. It was quite amusing to them, and they were quite curious to see how this was going to go.

"Logan wants to spend some time with Kendall, so I said I'd go. It's no big deal."

"No big deal?" Kendall's ego kicked in. "It's a worldwide tour, it's a HUGE deal!"

James looked at him, and blinked. "I was _getting_ to that," he said, rather harshly.

"Right, sorry," said Kendall quickly, shutting his mouth.

"Dad," said James, turning his attention back to his bewildered father.

"_When_ was all this decided?" J. Daniel Mitchell asked, his eyes shifting from Kendall, to James, to Carlos, and finally Logan.

"About ten minutes ago," James said.

"So, that's it? You're just up and leaving? Without having asked me?"

"You don't mind," said James.

"How do you know?"

"…because I'm saying this. I'm the ringleader here and I think this would be good for all of us. Even you."

This time, Kendall didn't interrupt. James clearly had this under control. It was obvious that he _was_ the ringleader of the house and Kendall was willing to let him lie about being the ringleader behind this if it meant they'd have two more people on tour with them. Kendall loved Carlos, but it wasn't necessarily easy to live on a bus or stay in hotel rooms with _just_ him _all_ the time. Carlos had too much energy and when Kendall was the _only_ one around…it was an intense experience.

Finally, Mr. J. Daniel Mitchell nodded. "Are you sure you think this is what's best? You know things happen…"

James paused, as if he were pondering _why_ his father would even _ask_ such a question when he had clearly just said he thought it would be good for everyone.

"I know what I'm doing," he said firmly. Kendall noticed immediately that James had a very firm voice and that he was very in control of the household, of his father, of his brother. He was like the parent. Kendall assumed why of course; as Mr. Mitchell partied, Jams took care of Logan, and while Logan slept, James took care of Mr. Mitchell who was sick from partying. Although Kendall didn't know it yet, James was one of the most loyal people he would ever meet. And he met a _lot_ of people.

Mr. Mitchell said, "Okay, so what's the plan here?"

James then looked at Kendall. "Alright, you're turn. Tell him the plan, man."

Kendall smiled at him, as if thanking him for giving him the chance to finally speak. James was the kind of person you didn't want to interrupt. He was the kind of person _everyone_ got real quiet around when he spoke, as if what he had to say controlled the fate of the world. James was tall, buff and beefy. He _clearly_ worked out immensely, and he was clearly the kind of person you did not want to mess with, or be on his bad side.

"They have to come home to LA with me to get ready with Gustavo and Scott, prep work and stuff like that. The tour starts Friday night, first show is in Los Angeles, and then we get on the bus, and start…we hit 48 states in about seventy days or so, and uh…" he looked at Logan, "there are a few dates outside of the U.S., too…"

"Don't worry about him," said James, clearly noticing Kendall's concern about Logan and the planes. "he'll be okay. Won't you buddy?"

Logan nodded subtly in agreement.

"How long does the tour last?"

"It's starting Friday, July 9th, and the last date in the U.S., besides the last show, is September 10th. We'll spend from September 10th to the end of October in other countries, and the last date is October 30th in Minnesota. Home."

J. Daniel Mitchell nodded, eating this information up. "A worldwide tour, huh? Is that what you boys want?"

Logan nodded first, and then James said, "Yeah. It's what's happening."

"Okay," he said, taking a deep breath. "Okay. Scott's going to be here in an hour or so, so, you might as well go pack up your shit."

Logan grinned and jumped off the stool, and disappeared into the hall, LZ in tow. James's eyes shifted before he followed in suit.

J. Daniel Mitchell looked at Kendall and said, "Kendall Knight. Do you really want them on tour with you?"

Without hesitation, Kendall said, "Absolutely."

"Talked to Logan then? About music?"

Kendall said, "Yeah…"

"Music is the only thing that boy has," he said, placing a finger on Kendall's chest. "Don't let him fuck it up."

"…I won't," Kendall promised.

The drive to LA was almost completely unbearable for the three boys in the backseat. Kendall, of course, was in the passenger's seat of Scott's rental, and Carlos, James, and Logan were crammed in the back for a few hours, with the dog, and luggage was piled on top of the car and in the trunk. The tinted black windows allowed for minimal sunlight, but it didn't help the situation any.

Scott made one stop after driving for three hours. There, they let the dog out to run and pee, and LZ joined Carlos in this adventure, while the other boys opted to wait for a real pit stop an hour later at a McDonald's off of the highway. Then, it was smooth sailing for another two hours to Kendall's house.

It was quaint, not what James was expecting. It was average sized, not large, not small, not fancy, not scummy, just average. Not a house you'd expect a rockstar lived in.

"Where's the mansion?" James asked, not being able to help himself.

Kendall laughed. "I don't have a mansion," he said. "I live at home with Mom. This is _her_ dream house."

The 'Mom' Kendall had been referring to thus ran outside, despite it being dark outside. It was about seven thirty, and the boys were tired from traveling. Ms. Knight's arms flailed as she ran towards her son and upon reaching him, she hugged him tightly and sqeezed his cheeks, forcing her lips on them, and all over his precious face. "_Two_ days!" She informed. "You should have been here Friday."

"It's okay, Mom," said Kendall. "I'm here now, right?"

"I'm going to miss you and I wanted to spend those days with you. I have stuff to tell you."

"It wouldn't have anything to do with you eating too much ice-cream would it? You're looking a little pudgy, there, momma."

She did not look amused. "Oh, baby," she said, "you're lucky I've missed you, or I might just make fun of your bird nose. Oh, wait…"

"Not funny," he said. Clearly this comment affected him much more than his comment affected his mother. He started to rub his nose insecurely all the while glaring at his mother.

"Are you going to introduce me to your new friends?"

He rolled his eyes and got over the comment, and said, "Yeah, sure. That's James, that's Logan," and he pointed them out.

James held his hand out, and she took it, gracefully accepting his strong gripped handshake. "It's nice to meet you," James said, and he knelt down to put the leash on the dog.

"It's nice to meet the woman responsible for _that_?" Carlos questioned, pointing at his best friend when he said the last word.

Kendall punched him, and Carlos punched him back, and they were suddenly wrestling, on the ground. Ms. Knight, clearly used to this, held her hand out to Logan.

James, who was kneeling next to his brother, quickly whispered, "hand." And Logan's fist immediately shot up. Ms. Knight's eyes shifted as she became confused by this motion. James noticed this. "He's a germ-a-phobe," he said with an encouraging nod, looking up at her curious face. "You just punch it."

This was seemingly the first time Ms. Knight ever encountered the 'fist punch' and she found it rather amusing. So amusing that she punched Logan's fist repeatedly, about four or five times, and giggled each time as Kendall and Carlos still wrestled on the ground.

"Okay," she said, "boys, that's enough. Stop wrestling… Get off the ground… Stop it… I'm going to go nuts! Get up! Stop what you're doing this instant! Oh my lanta. Enough!"

She could not get them to stop wrestling.

"Kendall, Carlos, chill," said Scott.

The boys seized fighting, jumped up and laughed at each other. They grabbed their luggages and proceeded towards the house, LZ right with Logan, who walked cautiously, and carefully next to James. Logan held onto the handle on the leash wrapped around LZ that James had put on him once they were out of the car.

The dog incredibly led Logan safely into the house with the crowd of people. Kendall had stopped short, and ended up standing next to Logan as everyone passed through into the kitchen. Logan felt the person's body tense, and instinctively, he turned his head towards the singer.

"You okay?" he whispered, not really sure what had made Kendall give off insanely awkward vibes.

"Yeah," Kendall said in the same tone.

"You're lying," Logan said. "Do you do that often?"

"I'm not lying," Kendall said.

"I'll take that as a yes, then."

Kendall sighed. "My sister's boyfriend is here," Kendall whispered. "I _hate_ him."

"Why?"

"We don't talk about that," Kendall said, smirking, despite him not being able to see it.

"Yeah, we do," Logan said, encouragingly.

Kendall rolled his eyes. "He's an asshole."

"How so?"

"You'll find out the second he opens his mouth," said Kendall with sarcasm, even though he was being honest.

"We're having a party?" Katie asked, standing up. She too, was looking rather pudgy and Kendall couldn't help but notice this. He'd seen them about two days ago, but he hadn't really _paid_ attention till now since May or so. He'd been so busy planning for the tour that he didn't notice their pudginess.

Kendall welcomed his sister's hug, and her boyfriend said, "I'll bring out the Tequila."

Kendall sighed and released Katie. "You're funny," Katie accused with a smirk. "Introduce us, Kendall…" she urged.

"James, Logan," said Kendall shortly, pointing to each new face as he said it.

"Well, boys," said the boyfriend, "It's nice to meet you here, but I gotta ask, what hell are you doing here?"

"I could ask _you_ the same question, Brent," Kendall snapped viciously.

"Kendall, don't start…" Katie warned.

"Excuse me! _He_ started! He starts everything! -"

Brent rolled his eyes, as if annoyed with the teenager's tactics and lies. James felt _extremely_ awkward, Logan was rather amused, and Carlos was home. "Oh, Kendall. You just don't like me."

"You're right, I don't like you. And there's _usually_ a reason. Like, for example, when guys cheat on my sister, I tend to not like them. When they lie straight to peoples' faces, that gets on my nerves. When you bash my father, my family, I get _kinda_ pissed off. You think you'd learn to shut your fucking mouth when I'm around. This is _my_ house, motherfucker, and I can _show_ you the door."

Brent stood up. "I know what I've done, Kendall, okay? But that's all in the past. I'm a changed man. I see things differently now."

Logan knew he was lying.

Kendall laughed. "Yeah. And my tour won't be successful," he shot back with complete sarcasm. This was, however, a rather _good_ sarcastic comeback because Kendall's tour was _destined_ to be successful. Success for Kendall Knight was inevitable. He was a star, no matter what he did.

"Come on, Kendall, in my humble opinion, everyone can change if they want to, and I have. Your sister is the only girl I love, and I'll love her till the day I day."

"Did you tell that to the other girl? Yeah, you probably did. -"

"I'm not proud of it, Kendall, okay! Get off my neck, will you? I'm a realist, Kendall, I'm a realist! I love Katie. Why would I want to hurt her? Besides, you're making your friends feel awkward."

Brent had an annoying voice. He didn't speak, he _whined_, which for some reason Katie found irresistible. Brent was very fancy, and counterfeited chivalry. He was wealthy, and he financially took care of Katie easily. However he _had_ cheated on her in the past and lied to everyone's faces. He would go to the club and let Katie stay up wondering where he was. He would do the _exact_ opposite of what Katie would ask of him. He was always late, he was mean to Kendall, and there he was, claiming he'd changed.

Kendall knew what it was like to change. He knew for a fact that Brent, this asshole who 'loved' Katie, hadn't changed.

Kendall looked at his new friends. LZ was now sitting next to Logan, James stood tall quietly, and Carlos was in the living room, writing on the wall. James turned to look at Carlos when Kendall did, and gave Kendall a questionable look, wondering as to _why_ they were just letting Carlos write on the walls.

"It's really a chalk board in disguise," Kendall answered without being asked, "Mom put it in when we moved here, _knowing_ how he is."

"…he draws on walls?"

"Not as much anymore. He just had _a lot_ to say and never had enough room for it all. He would write on walls, and then paint over it. It's easier to have your wall be a giant erasable chalk board."

Logan was smirking. "That's cool."

"Yeah, it's pretty cool," Kendall commented, agreeing.

Ms. Knight said, "Scott, would you like some coffee? Katie? Anybody?"

"Sure," said Scott.

"Yes, with cream and splenda," said Katie.

"I'm _all_ set, thanks," said Brent.

Ms. Knight looked at her son, who shook his head at her with a facial expression that _clearly _read, 'you're _seriously_ looking at me?' Kendall didn't drink coffee, and they all did their damn best to keep it away from Carlos. He wasn't sure if James or Logan drank coffee, but he didn't really care, because they were getting Mountain Dew just like he and Carlos, and then they were going upstairs.

He pulled out four glasses and filled them with mountain dew and ice, and said, "Carlos, get your soda!"

Carlos looked up, erased what he drew on the chalk board and went into the kitchen, getting the glass poured for him. Kendall passed two to James, and held one in his hand. "We're going to my room." He informed.

"Wait," said Katie. "Maybe we had to talk to you."

"In _front_ of _everybody_?" Brent asked.

"Why not? Kendall would just go tell them anyway."

Katie knew her brother.

He sighed, clearly annoyed. "Can we move this story along already? We kind of have a lot of work to do, _Scott_, so if you wouldn't mind joining us downstairs, that would be _great_."

"At least let him have his coffee with us," said Ms. Knight. "You guys can go down there by yourself for a few minutes and be just fine…but I'd really wished you'd sit with us."

"I'm sure you don't have that much to say," said Kendall. "Mom, I love you, you know I do, but a worldwide tour is a pretty big deal, and I've got a figure this out. I've got four freaking days before the Los Angeles show."

She nodded. "I know, I'm sorry…right, well, then, I'll just say it. Your sister and I are pregnant."

Kendall's mountain dew was now on the floor.

Carlos was coughing.

Scott looked down.

Katie blushed.

Brent's head rose, and he looked down his nose.

James bit his lip and looked down.

Logan had no idea what the hell was going on.

LZ was still a dog.

A moment or so passed and Kendall finally took it in. "That's…gross."

"How is it gross?" Katie said defensively. "It's exciting! There are little babies in our tummies, Kendall! It's _great_ news…"

"And who are the _fathers_?" Kendall questioned, his eyes bulging, his head bobbing, his arms crossing.

Katie rolled her eyes. "Brent, obviously is the father of my child."

Kendall's head cocked to the side and he looked at his mother. "And what about you, Ms. 40-year-old-woman?"

Ms. Knight still looked delighted, despite her son's tone. "My _boyfriend_ Kendall."

"Ok…well…" Kendall stepped over the mountain dew spill and the shattered glass, went in the cupboard, got a new cup and got more soda.

"Aren't you going to clean that up?" Brent asked.

"Oh, heaven's no!" Ms. Knight said. "I'll do it. I'll do it. Don't worry about it, baby."

Ms. Knight did that with Kendall, but not with Katie. Kendall was, for about another nine months that is, her baby, and she rarely saw him. She'd do anything she could to take care of him, and while he was home she sucked it up. She just wanted to spend as much time with him as possible before he was on tour again. His first tour, she went with him while he was in the west coast. She was with him for about four or five weeks before she flew home to Katie, who, being her first child, was her pride and joy, and who she could _not_ stay away from for very long.

Ms. Knight had been involved with a man named Lee Keegan since they moved to Los Angeles. He had helped her move into the house, she had far moved on from Mr. Knight at that point, and she was ready to date, and so was he. He was a good guy and he didn't try to be Kendall's father. He tried to be his friend, and Kendall liked his company. But he wasn't too keen on his mother being pregnant. Especially when _he_ was the baby, and he was almost seventeen.

He wasn't too sure what to say, or if he should say anything but the silence was killing him and he couldn't stand it.

"Uh, so, let's go to my room," he said finally, taking the lead to his bedroom. "Be careful, Loge, okay?"

James handed Carlos one of the glasses, grabbed his brother's hand quickly and said, "come on LZ," following Kendall with Carlos. James kept up with Kendall who was walking very fast down a hallway, to a door, and a staircase leading down spiral stairs. He stopped and turned and James almost walked into him. "What?" James said.

"…can he go down spiral stairs?" Kendall asked.

James shrugged it off. "No big deal. Go." Kendall proceeded onward, going down the stairs quickly. "Spirals, buddy," he said looking down at them quickly, "about six inches apart."

The three soon joined Kendall in the room and he again seemed impressed by Logan.

"Okay," said Kendall, "we've got a lot to be planning here. For example, what songs are you going to sing? How are you going to sing them? Where will you stand? How long will you stay on stage for? Where will we put the lightings? Can my band learn all these songs till we successfully find _you_ a band? If you'll go before or after Dak Zevon? Those kind of things."

Logan suddenly felt the pressure but he shrugged and LZ led him to a couch in Kendall's room and Logan sat down, and LZ laid at his feet.

James nodded. "Okay…well…we don't exactly know how to help with _any_ of that."

Kendall laughed. "Yeah," he said. "I kind of guessed that. I can figure it out, but I don't know how easy it'll be. But we _need_ to practice, too, because I won't let you make assholes of yourselves." He looked at Carlos.

"It was my _first_ time," he said defensively. "And…dude…your mom just said she was pregnant! And your sister!"

Kendall glared at him. "I'm aware. We don't talk about that," he said unintentionally.

Logan smirked. "Don't worry, you'll grow out of it."

So, the boys talked for a good fifteen minutes before Scott had made his way down and helped Kendall with the plans. He had called the arena they were scheduled to perform at and booked some practice time for Wednesday and Thursday evenings; Dak would also have to appear for practice to run through it all.

Kendall said he wanted Logan to go on right before him. Dak's time started a half hour earlier, meaning he would be singing _before_ the time all the tickets say the show starts, and he wasn't going to be too happy about that. Despite that, the show was still going to be an hour longer than Kendall originally planned, but it was going to be okay.

Logan would do a few cover songs to begin with, and while on the bus, Kendall and Scott would work with him on his own songs till he was comfortable enough to play them on stage. He would be on stage for at least 45 minutes a night. Kendall was going to introduce him _personally _on stage before he went for the first few shows before they could get the advertisements adjusted to include him.

Logan was an instrument kind of guy, according to himself. He was most comfortable with the piano, and he was going to have one on stage with him. He would learn his songs better if he learned them on piano anyway, and it would be 'hard work' but it would 'pay off', according to Scott.

So, to sum up Kendall's day: He successfully got two new tour members in the car and on their way, he traveled for about eight hours, he was trapped in a car with Carlos' fart, he almost peed his pants on the way to McDonald's, the dog got a little carsick, he got in a small quarrel with his sister's boyfriend, and now, apparently baby daddy, his mother was also pregnant, he altered his entire tour, and he had just four days to turn regular Hollywood brats into rockstars.

Oh, was he going to have fun.

* * *

Note: Yay! So, the process has begun. I knew from the getgo that I wanted Mrs. Knight and Katie to be pregnant at the same time. Don't know why, just thought it'd be cute. haha. Thanks for reading!( :


	8. Would

Thoughts: Update for TWDTA. Doll is probably next, maybe tonight? If not, hopefully by Saturday. keep your eyes open(:  


* * *

The week flew by like it didn't even exist. Kendall didn't spend as much time with his mother as she would have liked him to, but seeing him for a few hours a day had to be good enough. Kendall was so busy preparing for the tour. He worked himself like a dog for this; this was like his _baby_ and he'd do anything to put on a great show night after night.

Friday night was their first show, and so Friday morning, they were up at five, getting ready to run through the show all day. Kendall was nervous.

Dak hadn't been too happy about the situation. He blew up, screaming at Kendall, but Kendall stayed calm and simply said, "I can pull you from the show _completely_, if you'd prefer."

Obviously, Dak didn't prefer that, so he shut up about it, but he did not welcome the newcomers with open arms. Kendall didn't let anybody be mistreated, however. This was his show, this was his time, and he was going to have a good time and make it worth it for everybody, including Dak, and especially Logan.

Dak went on stage first. They were running through the show _exactly_ how it was going to happen that evening. Kendall tried to explain to Logan and James that performing in an empty stadium is nothing compared to performing to a full audience, but they wouldn't _know_ till they actually performed.

He explained that Madison Square Garden and Gillette Stadium were _intense_ shows to play and that they could perform _every_ night and never ceased to be amazed. He explained that he had the best fans in the world, and they were biased, so success was bound to happen for them. Carlos also said that this was completely true because _he_ was successful because of Kendall's biased fans, and then, of course, they would have fans because of their talent, once they were heard.

Once Dak left the stage, Kendall said, "Alright, after Dak gets off, that's when I'll go on, and explain how things changed a little bit, and how I met Logan and _needed_ him on tour with me, yadda, yadda, yadda, and then Logan, you'll come out. While I'm talking, the band will set up, James, that includes you. The band knows what they're doing. Logan, you'll walk to the piano, okay? We'll run through that a few times so you'll be confident with it. We want to have as little accidents as possible. We had like, seventeen accidents last tour, and we want _less_ than that. Less is more. Or something like that. Okay, so, are you ready to practice?"

Logan seemed a little taken aback at all the information, but he was ready. Kendall locked arms with Logan and led him from where he would be standing to the piano. Thirteen large steps straight ahead, three stairs to the lifted part of the stage, three more steps and the piano bench was right there.

"I'm a little nervous," Kendall said to him once they were alone on the platform with the piano as Logan sat down on the bench, "I don't want you to get hurt."

Logan smiled. "I don't want to get hurt either."

Kendall took in a deep breath. "I want you to stay at the piano till I come and get you, okay? Like I said, I don't want you to fall or anything like that, and the only way to _assure_ you won't get hurt is if you stay stationary."

Logan nodded. "I understand."

"We use the same stage every night, so once you have more time to get used to it, then we'll all be more comfortable with you moving around. But you could fall of the stage, or trip or something, and I don't want that."

"Kendall, I get it."

"I know, I know, I'm just…I know. Okay. Let's walk back and forth a few more times. I want to walk back and forth at least a hundred times."

And they spent a few hours walking back and forth, and took a break for lunch around 12, and practiced walking a little more, and _then_ Logan ran through his set, and Kendall was obviously cocky confident and ran through _one_ song, which he rocked, and then around four, they ate again, Kendall did sound check at five, the doors opened at six, and Kendall looked at his friends and said with a smile for the first time in a year and a half, "It's show time, boys."

Dak took the stage at six thirty. The arena was pretty full by even that time, but Kendall wasn't as surprised as Dak and James. By the time Dak finished his third song, the sold-out arena was completely full, and he still had three more songs to perform through.

Once he was done, he thanked the audience for listening to him, and said, "And now, Kendall Knight has something to share with everyone."

And they were screaming as Kendall came up from the bottom of the stage like Michael Jackson on the _Thriller_ tour, and smiled wildly at the screaming crowd. "Um…Hi," he said simply into the microphone.

He'd missed the sounds of the screaming fans, and he'd missed the stage and touring. It was so familiar, and he _loved_ living his dream, and looking around, knowing that _he_ was the reason all these people were there that night. It was exhilarating to him.

"Well, some of you may or may not know this, but we have another performer apart of the show…I've known his family for a while, but I met him last weekend and I have to tell you, he's incredibly inspirational. He's never been on stage before, so he's a little scared…this is literally his first show ever, and I _know_ you guys will make it worthwhile…right?"

The crowd screamed again.

Kendall smiled. "Alright, how about we welcome him the right way? His name's Logan Mitchell…" And, Kendall only had to say Logan's name twice before the crowd got the hint and joined the chant, "Logan, Logan, Logan, Logan."

Kendall disappeared from the stage quickly, and looked at Logan, sporting his signature Ray Banz and black vest, and his body shook as he made his thirteen large steps to the stairs, up the three steps, and sat at the piano. The band was set in their spots, James was where he needed to be, and Kendall, Carlos and Scott were cheering him on from the sidelines.

Logan sat at the piano bench and readied his hands. He started the song with melodic movements, his hands hitting the right notes perfectly, and his voice doing the same once he started singing. He was just as phenomenal as Kendall had imagined, and once Logan finished the song, he had a moment to suck everything in.

Logan's heart pounded hard in his chest as he felt the crowd. The vibrations from their screams were amazing; the screams themselves were amazing. The applause, the smell, _everything_ about that night was amazing. Logan couldn't imagine how he'd ever lived his life this long without performing. Kendall was right, you didn't need drugs when you had that kind of adrenaline. Logan didn't even know what marijuana or alcohol was anymore, and he'd grown up around it. Hell, he was drunk last weekend _with_ Kendall, and he didn't remember ever being higher than what he was that night, on that stage, in front of that Los Angeles crowd.

Once he'd finished his set, Kendall took the stage. He stayed up there for two hours, and the crowd did not die down, not even once. And when he'd finished his set, and the crowd started chanting for an encore, they weren't just chanting his name, but Logan's, too. It was a, "Kendall, Logan, Kendall, Logan, Kendall, Logan," kind of thing, and it gave Kendall ideas, but he had to think about ways to play it through.

So, for then, he just went on stage and did a two-song encore before _really_ having to bid the crowd adieu, knowing that more than half the people in that audience just had the best night of their lives. It made him ecstatic.

Kendall grinned at James and Carlos as he got off stage, and the four boys went back into the large dressing room set up to Kendall's taste, LZ got up excitedly and was immediately at Logan's side. Kendall went for water bottles and distributed them between the four. Dak had already left, being unimportant to Kendall after his set was done, and the boys stayed in the dressing room as the arena emptied out.

Kendall looked around. "Well? Are you all speechless or just dumbstruck?"

James laughed. "Definitely speechless. That was nothing like I ever could have imagined…"

"You never get tired of it," said Kendall matter-of-factly. "It's something that never gets old, you'll never even believe the amounts of people who will call your name at the end of the day. Logan, I guarantee you a record deal halfway through this tour."

Logan was sitting on the couch petting LZ, and his head shot up instinctively upon hearing his name.

"Well, I mean, if you _want_ one," said Kendall. "It's very unlikely for you to not get one now. Even if it's, like, with _my_ label."

Kendall had intended on meaning the label he was signed to, Rockit Records, but when he said that sentence out loud, it gave him an idea, and he couldn't help but smile wildly at the thought of starting his own label. It was something he knew he could do; he wouldn't have to own a building with a lot of workers. He could just make a label, and have Scott help him out. With him, it was literally _just_ that simple.

From experience, Kendall knew how to produce music. He knew how to get a band together, he knew what to look for in stars, he knew how to create sound and an interesting character. This was _his_ industry, and knew what to do and what to expect with it. Kendall said, "I'll sign you."

Carlos looked at Kendall with curious eyes. "Oh?" he said. "You will, will you?"

Kendall bit his lip. "Come on, Carlos, we could do this. We talked about it when we were kids, remember? We can do it, we can make our label, like we always talked about. And Logan can be our guy. We've got to get his band together, we can record on the road in the bus, get back to the studio later on and produce it, PR the shit out of him, get him everywhere, and bam. Logan Mitchell will be a household name."

James bit his lip but held his tongue. Normally, he'd jump in. Normally, he'd state his opinion, thus virtually making the decision. His decision was final, but he wanted to know what Logan's opinion was before he opened his mouth, he wanted to know Logan's decision, and what he was going to say and/or do about this situation.

He watched his brother intently, and then seemed surprised when Logan said, "James, stop staring."

Carlos's eyes shifted before he smirked. "Garcia Knight Records?" He laughed.

"…we can work on that," Kendall said seriously and looked at Logan. "What'd you say? Carlos and I can write up the papers when I find _my_ papers to get ideas."

Logan's head tilted down, he resumed petting his best friend LZ, and took in a deep breath. "The scary part is that I trust you," was all he said.

Kendall took that as a yes immediately and said, "Great! Carlos, buddy, we have stuff to do this evening!"

Carlos grinned and said, "This is going to be fun."

"This is going to be incredible," said Kendall.

So, once they left the arena and were on the tour bus heading for Phoenix, Arizona, about a six and a half hour drive, meaning we would arrive at the arena around five a.m., where they could park the bus and do whatever they wanted, whether it be sleep, or practice, till sound check, Kendall and Carlos sat next to each other at the booth in the tour bus, with Carlos's laptop in front of him. Carlos was typing, Kendall was telling him what to type.

Carlos, of course, had his ideas in there was well. The two of them literally grew up thinking of this, and they'd seen contracts before, so it wasn't anything new. They did, however, _need_ to come up with a name at least to write on the contract, and Garcia Knight Records was a stupid name, and Knight Garcia Records was even stupider.

They decided to write the contract and _then_ decide on the name, because they knew it was going to be the hardest part of the entire ordeal.

They had included everything they knew that they'd need to, legally, including stuff about finding a band, about the music producing, writing, and creating. They, of course, said Logan had every right to write and/or perform his own songs if he wanted, and he basically had free rights to express himself within his own music. Kendall had that freedom, and he'd turned down two labels who didn't give him that freedom, because it was something that can change a person's life. And he knew it was going to change Logan's life.

They included stuff about recording, and the cd and Logan allowing them to produce his songs and put them on a record, and using his name on that record. And of course, they included James in all of these contracts.

"This actually makes sense," said Kendall, after he read it. They were very convincing, and they sounded _very_ professional. "We know exactly what we're talking about, and it all fits."

Then, they had to think of a name. not before long, Kendall's fingers were drumming on the table, and Carlos's head was bopping to the beat, and he hummed a little, before _softly_ singing, "It's the only life you've got so you've got to live it big time."

Kendall continued to drum for a few moments more, then stopped suddenly and said, "Sing that again."

Carlos's eyes shifted. "Keep drumming, then."

Kendall resumed drumming, carefully watching his best friend. Carlos's head resumed bopping, and he again found the lyrics. "It's the only life you've got so you've got to live it big time."

"That last part?"

"You've got to live it big time."

Kendall smirked. "Big time," he sang, "big time, big time, big time."

"Big time?"

"Big time."

"What the hell?"

Kendall laughed, knowing that Carlos wouldn't have been able to understand by just that. "Big Time Records," he said after he finally stopped laughing.

Carlos laughed, too. "I wasn't expecting that at all."

"Hahaha," said Kendall, "big surprise."

"Well, Big Time Records it is, then," said Carlos with a grin, and they typed the label on top of the paper and sent it to the printer on the edge of the table, under the windows, where the salt and pepper would be if they were at a restaurant.

They'd finished around four a.m., and woke up James and Logan. They sat the two groggy teens at the table and Kendall said with a smile, "You'll learn to sleep during the day and work at night eventually. Carlos and I can adjust easily."

James said tiredly, "Well I'm not used to it now and I want to be asleep so let's get this show on the road."

Carlos proudly presented the Big Time Records' first ever contract to James, who pointed out three grammar mistakes in the first sentence. Kendall's cheeks blushed as he wasn't as good as he thought he was, and James said, "this sounds good to me."

All four boys signed the contract, and James and Logan immediately went back to bed, and Kendall looked at Carlos, and they finished writing the Big Time Rush song. And when they finished, Kendall immediately realized it was written for a four part harmony.

Then, he had another idea.

* * *

Note: Oh, Kendall has another idea! knowing Kendall, he has a tendency to act fast on his ideas. Can you guess what his idea is? I just want to know what you think lol. It's probably more than obvious, though. Buttt! I have a tendency to surprise people, so we never know what's going to happen next. What'd you guys think? Thanks for reading! (:


	9. Change

Thought: so, not only was I nominated for ComeOnClapYourHands BTR 2011 story awards, TWDTA was one of the winners for best Kendall/Logan story. So…wahoo(: yay. (coughcough, suck that, flamer coughcough). Thank you guys so much. (: I'm so glad you appreciate this story.

* * *

Kendall Knight has always acted on impulse. That's how he got to where he was. His intuition was quite strong, and he always knew what he should do, or if the answer was yes or no. He just knew certain things. His common sense wasn't exactly the greatest, however that didn't stop him from making quick, irrational decisions that _always_ worked in his favor.

To say the least, he was lucky.

Carlos immediately knew the _look._ "What are you thinking, Kendall?" he questioned curiously, slightly afraid of the response. It was nearly five in the morning now, and Carlos was starting to get tired.

"I'm thinking that putting that recording studio in the back of the bus wasn't a bad idea. Who the hell needs a bedroom?"

"No, no," said Carlos, "that's not it. You've still got that look. What _are _you thinking? Really. Don't lie to me, I'll know."

"We don't talk about it."

"You're not allowed to play that card."

"I just did."

"And I'm still retaliating. Come on, God knows this involves me."

"God knows, I know, you know. It involves all four of us. I just don't want to get too far ahead of myself here, alright? But it wouldn't be a bad idea…well, I'm just saying…Carlos, look at this song. It's in four part harmony. It wouldn't sound the same if it was sung by a solo artist. It wouldn't hurt for the four of us to do a song together, would it?"

Carlos's eyes shifted, thinking that this wasn't exactly a bad idea, but more of a weird one. Kendall always loved the spotlight, and by the sounds of it, he was willing to share that spotlight with Carlos, James and especially Logan. It appeared to Carlos that he'd share everything with Logan.

An epiphany ran through Carlos's veins as he contemplated this. Adrenaline woke him up; his eyes weren't tired. He wanted to hear Kendall tell him his secret, even though he already knew. "You do, don't you?" he questioned excitedly.

"…I do don't…? what? I'm just saying, it wouldn't hurt-"

Carlos smiled. "You do."

"What the fuck are you talking about? Is your brain working? Got a deficiency or something, a fucking aneurism?"

Carlos was laughing excitedly. "You have a crush on someone on this bus at this very moment," Carlos accused finally. "I know you do. It's kind of cute."

"I don't…what does that have to do with anything! God you're an asshole."

His excited laughs turned into hysterical laughs. "I know, I know I'm an asshole, but you're a fucking douche bag, Kendall and I _know_ you. It's scary funny how well I know you."

"Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a crush on someone on this bus, too, and it's not me, or the person I kind of sort of maybe kind of crush on."

The laughing ceased and Carlos was suddenly tired again. "…I'm going to bed."

"Ha!" said Kendall.

"I don't even know him."

"But you're attracted to him."

"…so?"

Kendall shrugged. "I'm just saying. Don't go having a crush on a straight guy. You know how these things work out."

"Likewise, Kendall," he said, "you don't exactly _know_ Logan either. Besides, did you _see_ how many hair products that boy packed? I swear, there's enough shampoo and spray for all of the United States."

Kendall sighed. His tiredness was finally getting the better of him; and he set his head down on the table. "I'm just confused, you know?" he finally said to his Latino friend who was cautiously watching him.

"I know. But you have other things to worry about right now, Kendall," said Carlos. "You've worked _so_ hard on this tour to -"

"I _know_," said Kendall, cutting him off. Kendall spent literally months straight perfecting this tour, getting the dates right, the timing right ,everything right. It wasn't easy to switch everything, but he did, successfully. How many more successful changes will he get? He wasn't sure, but he was confident that things would work out for the better for him, because they usually did. "I'm not giving anything up," said Kendall. "I'm not going to stop giving as much attention to this as I have been. The first tour was fucking great, and this one is even _bigger_ which means it has to be better."

"You could do a 3D movie like _everyone_ else is doing," Carlos said. He was getting tired quickly, too, and his head settled on the table near Kendall's.

Kendall laughed, shaking his head. "Nah," he said. "But…"

"_Another_ idea?"

"Not one that we haven't already thought of," said Kendall. "We just…you know, can put a _small_ series on youtube. You know, no big deal."

"No big _time_ deal," Carlos said with a laugh.

Kendall nodded. "Yeah. No Big Time Deal."

Kendall woke up at precisely eight o'clock that morning. LZ was wining, clearly having to pee. His eyes were tired, but he wasn't miserable, or grumpy. He was rather pleased. He looked out the window to see trees. He went up to the front cabin and said, "Hey, Marvin, can ya pull over? Dog's gotta pee."

And the bus driver halted the bus, and Kendall watched LZ sniff and sniff for about five minutes before settling on a place and going. Kendall welcomed the dog back onto the bus and LZ crawled back into bed with Logan. Kendall turned the television on and his name was all over E! and MTV and VH1.

"With a twist," said the reporter, "Kendall Knight added another opener to his tour. Shockingly, the newcomer named Logan Mitchell, is the son of John Daniel Mitchell, who directed major blockbuster hits like the _Barry Lotter _series, _Interception_ and _The Candyphil Triangleshorts Movie_. The younger Mitchell is joined by his older brother James as backup, and despite seeming socially awkward and weird, Logan is incredibly talented. According to Kendall, it was his first performance ever. He is not signed, and does not have an album, or a demo. Take a look at this clip:"

And Kendall watched the clip from the previous night; Logan was at his piano, playing fierce-fully sounding absolutely fantastic; even better than Kendall remembered. Kendall couldn't help his infatuation with his new friend; after all, the boy was incredibly talented, incredibly inspirational, and he had honestly changed Kendall the day - no, the _instant_ they met.

Nobody had done that before.

This only meant that there was _something_ about Logan that Kendall was supposed to figure out, and he was nearly positive he had. There comes a time in someone's life where they stumble upon that person who is supposed to enter your life and never leave it. When you meet that person who impresses you by just being themselves. When you meet that person who is the shyest, most vulnerable, most stunningly exceptional. When you finally realize that the person you're supposed to fall in love with is standing in front of you.

It was unpredictable, and it was scary. And that time had come for Kendall.

He wasn't sure what to think of this. He was newly seventeen, after all, but he'd had so much more experience than any other seventeen year old. He was well wise beyond his years, but he wasn't sure if he was ready to have found someone like Logan. Someone who he knew was never going to leave his life, someone who was shy, and vulnerable, and stunningly exceptional. The person he was supposed to fall in love with. The person he kind of _had_ fallen in love with.

Weeks flew by and the boys got used to being in each other's space. Kendall watched James's relationship with his brother; it was quite a sight. James was one of the most caring, respectable, smart, and strict people he had ever met. He was firm, yet energetic, and quite bossy, very leader-like but never compared himself to Kendall, who liked to think of himself as the leader. James didn't allow his brother to slouch, or mope. He didn't let him get away with not using manners or cleaning up after himself. However, he was incredibly smart.

He picked up on the behind the scenes stuff almost as quickly as Kendall had. Music producing had it's similarities to movie producing, but it also had its' differences, but James easily worked through the differences and became an expert within a few short weeks. He was polite himself, he was well mannered, well groomed, poised, and articulate. At the same time, he liked to have fun, get out and loosen up every once in a while, party.

That was, after all, how he had met Carlos, and how this whole thing came about.

Had James not gone to jail, Kendall would never have stayed at the house with Logan, and he certainly would never have invited them on tour.

If that hadn't happened, Kendall certainly wouldn't have fell in love with Logan, and Carlos most certainly wouldn't have fallen in love with James.

So, really, James was the reason everything was the way it was.

The boys were well into the tour. It was nearly September now; Kendall's birthday had come and gone in August, and for the most part, all the boys kept their secrets secrets and their pasts in their past. They looked forward to the future, to the new show, to the new songs they'd been recording on the back of the tour bus with Logan.

Carlos and Kendall decided to put off showing Big Time Rush to James and Logan till Logan had at least seven or so solid songs. It took at least eleven to make an album, but Logan wanted thirteen. He'd been born on the 13th at 1:13 (13:13 in military time) and he just wanted thirteen songs. It was no big deal, it just meant Kendall and Carlos had to write, produce and record two more songs than they had to, you know, as if they didn't have enough work to do.

They honestly didn't mind, though. They all had fun in their bus studio, and they all had fun staying up at night, telling stories and cracking jokes. They occasionally drank just to get a little tipsy, and one two or three rare occasions they smoked; but they didn't _need_ to, and it was quite dangerous because Scott was on the tour bus behind them.

Kendall had a parade of buses, but they never traveled at the same time. They always ended up in the same place. He himself had his bus, the bus he rode on with his boys. Then, there was a 'shipping' bus that carried his stage and equipment, and a third bus for Scott and his band members. Dak also had his own bus, and his band and manager had a bus. Soon, another bus would be added. Logan's band, people they'd accumulated through the west and middle coasts had been squished into Kendall's bands' bus. They were to get a bus on the first of September, but it didn't quite matter because on September 11, they were scheduled to aboard a plane and fly to London, England.

Logan hadn't gotten sick, he hadn't tripped. He was always very careful about where walked. Kendall kept him away from tabloids and the media, and James kept the media and the tabloids away from him. Logan didn't listen to the radio because of commercials. Logan didn't listen to television because people were talking about him. He didn't go anywhere near a computer because he couldn't see what he was doing. Logan honestly had no idea what the world thought about him.

But that didn't matter, for he knew what Kendall thought of him.

He knew what James thought of him, and what Carlos thought of him, and _that_ mattered. He didn't notice that he didn't know, either. He busied himself so much with music, constantly listening to his iPod, constantly writing songs, writing songs _with Kendall_, and recording songs with Kendall. Logan only recorded with Kendall.

It was weird for James, and it was hard for Logan to tell James his feelings on this subject, but he knew James didn't get music the way he did, and the way Kendall did. Music was his thing, it was his passion, and it was a passion he shared with Kendall. Recording was sacred to him, and it was personal. It was hard for him to let go of his feelings and share it with just anybody. He felt like by recording with only Kendall, it was only sharing it with Kendall. And then, once he liked the message he was trying to send, and once Kendall approved of this, he could happily share it with the world. But recording along with Kendall could be _theirs._

There were, however, a few instances where the opinions of the other boys were needed, and they were called upon to say their peace and leave the two to contemplate their suggestions. There weren't very many, but they occurred and Logan would have no choice. Carlos had really wanted to be a bigger part in the recording, but he produced the songs alone with Kendall in that studio. Carlos recorded the music, Kendall recorded the vocals, and they put the two together to produce the songs, and deemed acceptable ones and unacceptable ones.

Carlos, like James, was articulate. Carlos was the mastermind behind a lot of the lyrics to Logan's songs. Logan had contributed, too, of course, to the music-making. (He wrote 3 complete songs of his own, including lyrics, and helped write the music to a handful of the songs.) Carlos wrote a few dozen songs and Kendall worked to write music for them. A lot of the songs didn't make the cut. They recorded at least thirty songs and they'd liked about four.

Carlos could turn any story or scenario into a song. He could turn eating chips in bed into a song, a good one at that. He once wrote a song about the beautiful foreign exchange student that sat behind a boy in history class. A song about a mother losing her son. A song about best friends being pissed off at these two idiot cousins who treated them like shit. Carlos was good at what he did, and he loved it.

He had a hard time grasping music as a language. He couldn't understand how to read it, and the one time he tried, his music sounded like…well, let's just say ears were bleeding.

Carlos was quite energetic, though, and there was one day, while they were in Kansas City, Missouri, he was happily bouncing off the walls, doing back flips and James had even joined him. Kendall was with Scott, trying to help solve the lighting problem, and Logan was with the two who thought they were acrobats.

To Carlos's surprise, James said, "Come on, buddy, join us. Plenty of room if you stay in the middle."

Logan stood up and did backflips and handsprings and one-hand cartwheel things better than either of them. "Holy hell," he'd said.

Logan bit his lip, slightly embarrassed. "I didn't tell you we were in gymnastics till I was like, ten? Grandma thought it was necessary."

Carlos immediately had loved James and Logan. Logan, he thought, was quite adorable, extremely talented, and perfect for his best friend. James, he thought, was funny, smart, wonderful, beautiful, magnificent, perfect, unbelievably attractive and just so _perfect_. He was sweet, and caring, and loving, _so, so _mannered, and he brought out the best in Carlos.

So, there it was, well into August. They were getting closer and closer to the **East Coast **and closer and closer to September, and closer and closer to the day they'd have to take a _plane_ from Orlando to London. It was about a nine hour flight, and Kendall couldn't help but become more and more nervous. Everything up till then had gone smoothly; his headaches weren't as intense as it was tour season, Logan was doing perfectly, James was fantastic, and Carlos was always at his side. He wasn't ready for that inevitable glitch. The one he knew was going to be the worst thing to have to deal with.

One of the first things Kendall learned about Logan was his fear of flying. This was the reason he had spent the weekend with him; Logan was too afraid to take a 3 hour flight from California to Minnesota, how the _hell_ were they going to get him on a 9 hour flight to London, or on a _13 _hour flight to Singapore, then a 10 and a half hour flight to Auckland, New Zealand.

"I _always_ puke!" Logan had said frantically, the night he and Kendall met. "And then I can't breathe, and have an asthma attack…just… I mean, come on, I - I'll be fine without going to Minnesota…I can't get on that plane without James."

He knew that James was going to be there.

But he didn't think that'd help because the entire time James would be comforting Logan, he'd be jealous and wish it were him.

He did his best to get close with Logan before the day of their flight, which got closer and closer, quicker and quicker. He did anything that he had to, flirted, laughed, comforted. He stepped out of his comfort zone to do these things, he started to become someone he'd _want_ to be friends with. He started to become more and more funny and energetic like Carlos, more respectable, mannered and firm like James, and more sensitive, compassionate, and loving like Logan.

Logan loved to love. Kendall found this out quickly. He wasn't sure if Logan had a crush on him back, or if he just wasn't sure what he was doing. He was quite positive Logan flirted back, or tried to pass on him, and hit on him. Logan was very flirty with Kendall, and they even snuggled in a hotel beds together a few times while James and Carlos would sleep in another room.

And there was another thing. Logan no longer needed to share a room with James. He always could sleep without him, but it'd been difficult to say the least, unless he was drunk. But Logan was close to seventeen. He knew what his body craved. He had experience. Not much, not much at all, but he knew. Everybody grows up believing in love. It's whether you choose to believe in it once you're an adult that truly matters.

And Logan was no different, and he may not have been an adult yet, but he was close enough to know. Kendall was close enough to know. But the communication for fear of rejection was at an all time high. They clearly had chemistry. They clearly flirted, and _longed_ for each other's kisses and touch, and snugglage at bedtime.

But it was rare.

And they both hated it.

But there were some things that they didn't talk about.

* * *

Note: Kinda lame, yeah, but I think you all will appreciate this simple filler because of the relationship talk. I wanted that to progress quickly, and have the boys get to know each other without me actually having to explain how, because I'm lazy and my imagination sucks and I can't think of stories because I have no friends. haha. just kidding. but seriously, thanks for reading. you make my life(:


	10. The

Thought: hi.

* * *

Then came the day they had to get on the plane.

James seemed most nervous. He pulled Kendall aside to talk at the airport. Kendall, of course, had a private jet that they would soon be boarding, just Scott and the four of them. James said, "Logan doesn't do well with planes."

"I've heard," Kendall informed.

"I'm a little nervous," he said. "But especially because he'll probably want you more than me, and that'll be a first for me. But I…you know, don't exactly mind because I like talking to Carlos. A lot."

Kendall smiled at him. This was so typical James, for him to want Logan to need him, but at the same time, wanting his own freedom, his own life, and not having to take care of him all the time. Kendall wanted to take care of him, and it was nice for him to have someone else there to help. Someone else that he trusted, and that his father trusted and it was just a big relief for him. Logan was comfortable with Kendall.

Kendall knew how to take care of Logan. James wasn't sure how, or why, but Kendall knew exactly what he was doing. He was able to keep him out of trouble, and keep him from finding trouble. Kendall got Logan out of his shell. His baby brother now basically had a free ride to fame, because of Kendall. Because of Kendall, James met Carlos.

Carlos was carefree, and wild, and crazy. He was funny, and outspoken. He did what he wanted, when he wanted. He said what he pleased and he knew what he liked. He didn't care about what people thought of him, he did what he liked and that was that. He was everything James wasn't.

James was strict. He was tidy, and compulsive and careful with everything (unless he was drinking, of course). He didn't know how to be wild because he spent so much of his childhood as an adult. Taking care of Logan. And Carlos made him feel his age, Carlos made him want to be crazy and do things like relax a little, play a few pranks and loosen up. To be a 20 year old kid, living a life of no responsibilities, going to parties and having a good time.

Of course, though, James didn't go to many parties, and he was still very strict about things. He changed Carlos a bit, too, who now practiced proper etiquette at the table, and used manners. Using proper English was next, James thought.

"He likes you, you know," I said to him. "Not sure how you roll, but those rosy cheeks of yours are making me kinda think you liiiiike Carlos."

James blushed even more before saying, "…yeah. I mean…" he shrugged a shoulder, "just, yeah. We don't talk about it. But I like Carlos, yeah. Like, liiiiiike" He giggled because he copied me. "I'm just…I know how Logan is on planes. You're really going to be…surprised. I just want to warn you. Like, this is a big deal to him. He can't stand being airborne. He needs the solidity the ground gives him. It's part of his touch senses. That's how he sees. Through touch, and the ground. He can't see in a plane."

Kendall wasn't too sure if he understood right away, so he contemplated this. Logan saw through other senses because he lacked vision. His hearing was better, his touch senses were more advanced, and his taste was zestier. Kendall hadn't noticed anything with the 'smell' sense but he was sure it would be more sophisticated than his own.

Logan saw, just differently. And it wasn't technically seeing.

Kendall slightly understood.

James handed Kendall a white inhaler. "You might need this."

Kendall looked at it for a moment of hesitation, and then took it. He was CPR certified, but he never had to actually use CPR or do any kind of medical anything on anyone. And by taking that inhaler he was setting himself up for disaster. But it was a disaster he was prepared for. It was one he was ready for. It was one he was ready to face, head-on.

Then, a new voice, "Uh, dude." It was Carlos. "I don't mean to interrupt your little meeting, but Logan's kinda freaking out."

James eyes shifted. "The calm before the storm," he said sarcastically, then looked at Kendall. "All you, bro."

"Alright, well you guys get on the plane, okay? He's probably having a hard time dealing without LZ."

They had to send LZ to stay with Ms. Knight while they toured in other countries because they certainly didn't want him to have to get on so many planes. Kendall wanted to get Logan used to planes because they weren't that bad, especially private jets, which Logan was accustomed to.

Kendall took in a deep breath and proceeded over to where Carlos and Logan had been waiting. Logan was standing there, pale cheeks, purple fingernails, and a trembling body.

"You okay?"

"I don't do well with planes."

"I know. But just relax, okay? You can sleep through the whole flight."

He shook his head. "M-m, not when I'm in a plane, I'm too busy puking! It's too hard for me, Kendall."

"I'm gonna tell you what my dad told me when I was afraid to do something. Grow a pair of balls and suck it up, punk. Everything always ends up okay, or how it's supposed you. You have to go along with this life, and grab every opportunity this comes with. Your opportunity is growing a pair, getting on that plane and going to London to sing in front of a few million people that love you and know your name."

"Kendall…"

"Don't be nervous. I'm going to be right there. I'm not going to let anything bad happen. We'll sleep. I promise."

"How can I sleep?"

"I'll drug you up."

"That won't help. There's no hope for me. I'm pathetic, what am I thinking, going on tour? I just need to go home."

"No, no, no, no," said Kendall. "You can't back out now, Logie, okay? You've got to do this. Just get on the plane. Let's go."

"…no."

"Yeah, come on."

"…no."

"Don't be scared. Please come with me. I need you to. You're too important to me, so your ass is getting on that plane and coming with me because I can't do it without you."

He took in a deep breath and hesitantly held out his hand. Kendall grinned and took it, and led him to the plane where Carlos and James were waiting in the back of the plane. It was a fairly large jet, and Carlos and James had already decided that they were going to sit together on the plane and have alone time. Of course, if Kendall really needed it, James would step up to help in a heartbeat. But James was pretty confident that that wouldn't be necessary, and he cuddled in the back with Carlos.

Kendall sat Logan down and then sat next to him.

"How you doing?"

"…we haven't taken off yet."

"Yeah, well, I'm just checking. You're awfully pale."

"I'm gonna throw up."

"You just said we haven't taken off yet. Just calm down. I'll get you some of those nausea pills okay?"

"Those won't help. They'll make it worse."

"Uh, are you sure? Because they always help Carlos -"

"Trust me."

Kendall nodded, and said honestly, "I do."

Kendall stayed where he was and the pilot asked Kendall if it was okay to take off. Kendall looked at Logan and agreed, "Immediately," he said. "The sooner the better."

"Yes, sir," said the pilot, and he took off for the place where the pilots go on the plane and suddenly it stated. Logan tensed, and the plane started to move forward.

Kendall put a piece of opened gum in Logan's hand. "Chew gum," he said. "It'll help your ears."

Logan said, "You touched it, I can't put it in my mouth."

"…I don't have germs."

Logan's head turned to face Kendall and he made a face. "Fine." he popped the piece of gum fearlessly into his mouth.

The plane took off.

Kendall carefully watched Logan. Logan stayed quite quiet and rather calm for a very long time. They were in the air for about an hour, and they spit out their gum, and it was silent for the most part, besides the occasional, "You doing ok?" "Yeah" 's that happened so often.

They started cuddling together on the couch-seat in the front of the jet for a while. It was quite cute. Kendall tried to get Logan to sleep, but it wasn't working yet. So, they just kept talking.

Kendall wasn't so sure how long it was till he felt Logan's hand clam up. "You alright?" he asked.

This time, Logan didn't say yeah. This time Logan said he was going to legitimately vomit, Kendall jumped up, in a slight panic, but trying to stay the caretaker in this situation. He went for the empty garbage can in the corner and handed it to Logan.

It wasn't too bad. It was quick and rather easy to handle. Kendall gave him water, tissues and a minty tic-tac. He consumed all very carefully. Kendall studied him. "You okay?"

Logan nodded.

Another hour passed before something happened. But this wasn't as easy as the other thing. He started to work himself up. He and Kendall were standing up and getting refreshments and he started to breathe heavily. Kendall predictably asked him if he was okay, and he nodded and said it was okay.

"You'll tell me if something's wrong right?" Kendall asked.

Logan smiled. "Of course. I don't wanna like, die."

"You can die of panic?"

"I don't think so. But you should always believe that anything's possible. You of all people should know that."

"Kendall," said Logan, his heart pounding hard in his chest. "Kendall, I can't see anything."

"…I know, Logie."

"It's bad. Like…nothing. I can't even tell where you are. I can't see you. …Can I see you?" He was breathing really heavily now and Kendall was nervous.

"Yeah," he said, but he had phlegm caught in his throat so it was inaudible. He cleared his throat and hesitated. "…Yeah."

He swallowed hard and looked at Logan. He remembered the night he first met James back in June, and he'd just gotten back from the slammer. He'd touched James's face.

Kendall stepped towards Logan and grabbed his hands and slowly brought them up, gently putting cold clammy hands on his face. He looked at Logan and let go of his hands and let the boy explore his face. He instantly knew that Logan was seeing him for the first time. It was unexplainable, the look on his face. He closed his eyes when Logan got close to them but he still didn't lose seeing that look.

He knew…it just…Kendall knew right then that Logan felt the same way as he did. When he saw Kendall, it was like…Logan looked like finally, he knew. He saw the person he was in love with. And to a blind kid, that's the best feeling in the world.

Of course, every beautiful moment comes to an end. It was, after all, just a moment. The plane experienced some turbulence and Logan freaked.

"OH MY GOD," he screamed.

James heard and looked nosily on. He giggled and looked at Carlos. "So it starts."

"This isn't happening! This isn't happening," he was obviously panicked. "Holy shit, we're going to die! WE'RE GOING TO DIE, KENDALL!"

"Logan, relax," said Kendall, "it's a-ok, babe, okay? We're fine. It was just some turbulence."

"FUCK turbulence, Kendall! Okay? We're going to die!"

"Stop it, you're being illogical."

"I'm not -"

"You are, think about it, okay? Breathe with me, but listen. I know you can handle that. You listen to me all the time, right? Okay. This jet traveled to Beijing and back before nonstop and we're just going to London, alright? We're halfway there. It's looking good, nothing's getting in the way. That was just turbulence. It happens. Because you know why? Shit just happens. And this, is no big deal. This doesn't matter. You won't even remember this after you've been in London."

"Kendall. We're. Going. To. Die."

Kendall was stunned. His speech hadn't worked. He swore it would. He didn't have a backup plan. He didn't know what to say or do now and Logan was clearly having trouble breathing and concentrating or focusing on anything. It was like he hadn't heard a thing Kendall said and he was clearly panicking. He was sweating now and his face was so grayish pale.

"We're going to be fine."

"YOU DON'T KNOW THAT!"

"But I do-"

"YOU DON'T. WE'RE CRASHING. WE'RE FUCKING CRASHING DUDE!"

"Okay, stop screaming and be rational!"

"KENDALL!"

"Logan! Jesus holy mother of Mary, calm down! LITSEN. I'm right here, okay? Nothing's going to happen because I'm right here. I would NEVER let anything bad happen to you okay? You know why? Cas I love you. Okay?"

Logan's breathing seemed to have stopped all together. In an instant, ragged gasps turned to silence.

"Are you okay?" Kendall asked.

"…I've been better."

"Please come cuddle with me on the couch. We're taking a nap till we land."

"But I can't sleep beca-"

"DON'T you dare say it," Kendall said, using a tone he'd learned from James. "Come with me."

He took Logan's hand and led him to the couch, laid down and pulled Logan down, too.

They laid for a bit before Logan started shaking his head and fidgeting a lot .Kendall again wasn't sure what to do so he did what he knew best. He sang.

"Imagine there's no Heaven, it's easy if you try. No hell below us, above us only sky, imagine all the people, living for today. You may say I'm a dreamer, but I'm not the only one. No, I'm not the only one."

Kendall sang and sang, and continued singing, his mind and voice easily going through a few songs.

Logan relaxed into Kendall, and Kendall smiled upon noticing his calm, steady breathing. He smiled, satisfied that he had completed a task that, according to James, was impossible. After a while, James was very curious.

James looked at Carlos and said, "We should check on them."

Carlos, sensing that James was a bit worried about it, agreed. He'd just spent most of his plane ride snuggling and flirting with the boy, and he'd obviously had feelings for him. He stood up and James took his hand. Carlos blushed, and so did James.

"Sorry," he said, "it's a habit."

Carlos studied him for a quick second and said, "It's okay, I liked it."

He held his hand out. James was relieved and happiness overcame him as he grabbed Carlos's hand and led the way to the front of the plane. Logan's Ray Banz were on the floor in front of the couch which was occupied by James's brother and friend.

Kendall's eyes opened having sensed them and he smiled.

James was stunned. "How'd you do it?"

"…I sang him to sleep."

"…you sang him. To sleep." he said slowly, baffled.

"Mhmm."

"And it worked?"

"He's sleeping, ain't he?"

"It wasn't that bad?" he asked.

Kendall shook his head. "Looking back, no. I mean, I'm pretty sure he's out for the rest of the ride. We've only got like, an hour left so I don't think anything worse will happen. He only puked once and I didn't even use the inhaler. For a moment there, I thought I would need to, but it was just a moment. And Logan's okay."

James smiled upon hearing that.

He hadn't been there for Logan on this plane trip, and Logan was okay. The split James had wanted was set in stone. He didn't need to take care of him all the time because he was once again, okay with Kendall. He was fine. He was healthy. He was sleeping on a plane, which had never happened in the history of plane rides of vomit, asthma attacks, screaming, punching biting James had endured.

Kendall didn't wake Logan up till after the plane had landed. It was about ten o'clock at night in London. We had left Florida around 8, the flight was nine hours, and because London was four hours ahead of us in time-zone, it was late there.

Kendall was tired and jet-lagged and he wanted to check into the hotel and cuddle with Logan till he was supposed to be at a radio show in the morning.

They met Scott at the airport. Scott had arrived in London the previous day, getting everything ready. The boys had the presidential suite waiting for them. There were two rooms on the opposite side of the flat-styled suite. Kendall led a groggy, ill-feeling Logan to the bedroom on the left and James and full-of-energy-Carlos went out for dinner at the little London bistro across the street that was open twenty four seven.

Logan's stomach was all twisted in knots but he seemed much, much better now being on land. Kendall couldn't believe how far they'd gotten in just a few months. He didn't care how many world records he broke, what mattered most were the personal ones he achieved. And one of his biggest personal goals was to fall in love, and he was pretty sure that he had. He wasn't sure how, or why, or if it was possible because he'd known Logan for two months.

But, at the same time, he'd spent the last two months constantly with Logan, learning his perfections, and imperfections, his personality, his talents. He truly felt lucky, especially laying there in London, (well, of course, Paris would have been more fitting, but you can't win them all), in the presidential suite of a hotel with the most beautiful person inside and out in the entire world next to him. Nothing else mattered.

* * *

Note: hi. sorry, i'm really tired haha. it's probably really bad. thanks for reading(:


	11. Way

Thought: eep. so. yeah. I was really excited about writing this...well, towards the end. I think the beginning/middle pretty much sucks but it gets good. Read every word and don't just skim like I usually do (; I hope every one who celebrates has a great Easter. Personally, I hate all holidays, but I've been looking pretty cute lately, so I've been in a good mood. Oh, I deleted my other story. I put the reason in my bio. Yeah, that wasn't random or anything. Ok. On with my story.

* * *

Logan had never done a radio interview before.

Kendall usually tried to keep things simple when he was on tour. For his first tour, he'd taken on a lot of serious commitments and appearances that just got very stressful to attend. He barely slept, he barely ate, and even Scott became worried about him. This time around, it was going to be much more simple.

They had no interviews or photoshoots or promotional sights to attend while in America. Other countries were trickier though, because of the natural fact that they were other countries. More promotion was needed to get the name across.

Kendall started filming a _lot_ while out of the country. He enjoyed it, and he enjoyed looking back and seeing the memories all over again. It made him sad to think that Logan would never be able to see this, but at the same time, it made him proud that he was strong enough to create his own memories. You didn't need to see to have memories.

As said many times before, Logan was inspirational. Logan inspired Kendall and that's what drew Kendall to him the most. You had this tough little blind kid with a fucked up life, who never let anything stop him from _being_ inspired. He was determined, dedicated, loyal, motivated, and selfless. He was perfect.

They hit 50 countries in a month, and boy, did they have the time of their lives. Kendall easily figured out how to handle the plane situation. Turns out, all he had to do was sing. Sometimes he sang for five minutes, sometimes he sang for three hours. But regardless, he always kept Logan calm, and James and Carlos were always kissing in the back of the jet.

Kendall and Logan didn't kiss nearly as much as James and Carlos. Kendall was, to be honest, a little embarrassed to kiss Logan whenever James was around, and James was always around, or near; but his presence made Kendall too uncomfortable to kiss. After all, Logan _was_ James's brother, and Kendall couldn't stand watching some pig kiss his sister.

The popularity of Logan inevitably grew without hesitation. Kendall and Logan busied themselves with music a _lot_. Carlos and James liked to have little dates and do cutesy things together. They weren't 'official' but they were definitely a thing. Privately, of course, the media and public couldn't find out about their little rendezvous. It was easy for them to still be themselves but act like they weren't anything in public, because they always knew they'd have private time at home or on the jet or in hotels and stuff.

Kendall and Logan, as aforementioned, got lost in music. They spent a lot of time in the small jet studio, playing around and practicing. Kendall wrote a lot of songs, but Logan couldn't read. Kendall had no choice but to sing the songs over and over to him so he could learn. Kendall, of course, didn't mind. He loved singing to Logan, and honestly, Logan loved hearing it. Logan would laugh at some of Kendall's word choices sometimes.

Kendall would get embarrassed. He overanalyzed himself, criticized, scrutinized, plain out psychoanalyzed his own work. Once he would finally like how it was, he would sing it to Logan and instantly hate it all over again and change half of the song.

"I can't tell if we should make this fast, or slow," said Kendall, studying a set of lyrics they had written the previous day. They were in their hotel room. That's how it went, at this point. James and Carlos in one, Kendall and Logan in another, Scott in a third, and the rest of the bands scattered about as well.

"I'm really tired, Kendall," said Logan.

"We have to write the song, Loge."

"Bur it's _so_ late…"

"It's only one, bud, come on, help me finish this."

"How does it go?"

"Well, okay. Wait a minute. Before I tell you anything, how was your day? Because I've been missing you by my side. …yeah."

"…I think James should sing it."

"…what do you mean?"

"…did I awake you out of your dream? I'm sorry but I couldn't sleep, you calm me down, but there's something about the sound of your voice."

"…yes. These lyrics we dropped yesterday, Logie."

"I just…I dunno, sometimes when we write songs I think James or Carlos should sing the lines…is that weird?"

Kendall hesitated, then shook his head. "…no," he said, remembering Logan can't see him shaking his head. "It's not weird. I do that sometimes too. In fact…well, no. forget it."

"No…what are you planning?"

"Nothing. It was just an idea I had a while back. We need the thirteenth song for your album, Loge."

"What was the idea?"

"…just that…well Carlos and I wrote this song a while back, unintentionally in four part harmony and I just thought it'd be cool if we all did a song together, but it just…it seems like it'd be a lot to handle right now. We're just trying to get the album done and we don't need another side project."

"Sing me the song."

"No."

"Sing me the song, Kendall."

"No, Logan. I'm not singing it."

"Why?"

"…make it count, play it straight, don't look back and don't hesitate when you go big time. What you want, what you feel, never quit and make it real when you roll big time…go on, shake it up, whatchu gotta lose? Go and make your luck with the life you choose. If you want it all, lay it on the line. It's the only life you've got so you've gotta live it big time."

Logan smiled. "We can do it."

"You're nutso if you think we can do it, Logie, there's just no way. We'd have to-"

"We'd just have to lay it down, like we've been doing."

"Carlos and James…well, I don't really know about James, but Carlos can't do anything besides backup right now. He has a hard time focusing, so that's why we just keep him in the shadows a bit. He doesn't have to focus all the time there. He likes to goof off and this is serious stuff we're doing."

"Don't you want to at least try it?"

"Of course I do. I've been wanting to 'at least try' with Carlos for years, but now's not the time."

"I think it is."

"I think you're just tired and want to get the final song done and over with."

"Whatever the reason, I trust it. I trust Carlos, I trust James, I trust the song you wrote. I trust _you_."

Kendall still hesitated. He took in a deep breath. "If we lay the track down on the album, we'd have to perform it to promote it, Logan. I don't know if you understand what that entails."

"…we'd have to promote all the other songs anyway."

"But it's different when other people are involved on the track. People will expect a performance. Like with choreography and dancing, which requires exact movements and precise landing."

"…you don't think I can do it?" Logan asked.

"No, no, no, no, no, no, no," said Kendall quickly. "It's not that I think you can't do it. I've said it a million times, you can literally do anything, you're so fucking talented. But it would take a lot of hard work and practice, and even then, it doesn't ensure your safety. Your safety is jeopardized every time you go on that stage, and adding a bunch of complicated dance moves with three other people…it's just not a good idea right now."

"I understand all of that," Logan said, his face solemn, "but this whole thing is about taking chances, and risks, and it's the guys with the risky moves that are the ones that go big time. You're exhibit A."

"I'm exhibit A?"

"Yes. You are the most risky person I've ever met. You act on impulse, and that's fucking scary. Now it's my turn to act on impulse, and you're denying me that? Is it in the contract? You can't deny me the right to act on impulse. Can you?"

Kendall chuckled. "I'm not denying you the right to act on impulse. I'm just saying nobody is ready for us to do a song as a group. We've never performed together. It wouldn't work…it just…I just…"

"I wasn't ready to make a CD, and we're one song away from producing an album. You and Carlos randomly decided to make a label, and you're seventeen, God knows you weren't ready for that. Yet, here we are."

"…there's no sense in arguing about this. I've said no. Case closed."

"Oh, come on, open your mind to the idea, at least."

"My mind is _always_ open, Logie. But it's one a.m. and Carlos and James are doing God only knows what right now and you're tired, and I'm pretty sure you're borderline delusional. You don't know what you're saying."

"…I don't want to fight with you, Kendall. And like I said, I trust you. So, fine. You win. But I'm tired and going to bed. You can finish the song if you want."

Logan stood up and waited a moment before tapping out a safe route to the hotel room bed. They were in Brazil, and had just performed the last show before they flew back to the United States and finished the tour with the final date in Minnesota and then they were to head back home. Logan wasn't really sure what was going to happen now, but he knew everything was going to be different. He knew he missed LZ. He knew he missed his bedroom. But he didn't know what was going to happen.

Kendall did his best to keep Logan awake all night. It worked well. Kendall kept wining, and complaining about the song, and Logan kept getting in and out of bed trying to help him, but ultimately becoming frustrated at the seams. Kendall did this purposely, though, trying to keep the younger boy awake. The less he slept at night, the easier it was to sing him to sleep on the plane.

Around five a.m., Logan said finally, "I don't think this song will work. I still feel like I shouldn't be singing some of these parts. Paris, London, Tokyo, there's just one thing that I gotta do…it just doesn't sound _right_ coming from _me_."

"What do you think we should do, then?"

"Anything."

"Anything, huh?" Kendall repeated, then suddenly burst out, "Anything you wanna do, anything that you please, whoa. Forget about our problems, forget about our past. I seen the future and I know we gonna last."

"…every second I'm with you just goes so fast. …this wall we've built together, there ain't no way of knocking it over and we'll be here forever."

"Getting closer, and closer baby, cause…" Kendall stopped. "I should be writing this down."

"…I can't sing this."

Kendall sighed in frustration. "What do you mean?"

"I can't sing that part you just sang. It sounded too good coming from you."

"It _all_ sounds good coming from me, I'm _Kendall_. This songwriting is getting harder and harder as we go along because you're so pickily complicated."

"First of all, 'pickily' is not a word. Secondly, it's not my fault you keep coming up with lyrics that I can't possibly sing."

"You can though! Just sing it!"

"But. I can't."

"Logan, you can sing the songs. You're just being complicated. I don't understand. You sing cover songs on stage on a regular, nightly basis. What's the difference?"

"The difference is that these are supposed to be _me_. The other songs were easier because they were more…me. I helped write them."

"You're helping me write this, though."

"I know but not I'm thinking about singing songs with you, James and Carlos, and let me tell you, James is singing some of this in my head. I'm just…not…good."

Kendall stared blankly, completely baffled at this statement. Things had gone severely downhill over the past ten minutes and he was frustrated beyond belief with his crush. Logan was so naïve, and so down on himself. It pained Kendall to see how hard Logan was on himself. He was always saying he was bad when he wasn't. "You _must_ be joking. Logan, you're the most talented person I've ever met-"

"Talent has nothing to do with being good."

Kendall laughed. "It has everything to do with being good. Talented people aren't bad at doing what they do. That's where the _talent_ comes. It's a natural ability. You're a fucking flat out natural when it comes to this, and you're damn _good_. Stop being so negative and sing the fucking song. What was it you said? Ain't no way of knocking us over."

"It. It is a wall. That we cannot knock over because we built it together. You know, this isn't working. It doesn't matter. Nothing even maters."

Kendall put his arm around his crush and shook his head. "Alright, well, let's take a break, then. It's not like we have a deadline or anything. I just wanted to get it done, you know? But you clearly need to stop for a while."

Kendall kept his arm around Logan and took in a deep breath of air.

Logan chewed at his bottom lip for a few moments. "Kendall? How come y-" he cut himself off. "…Kendall?"

"…yeah, Logie?"

"I love you?"

Kendall laughed. "I love you, too, Logan."

"No, I mean, like…I _love_ you."

"Yeah. I _love_ you, too."

"Kendall! Don't make this more complicated than it has to be. It's bad enough. Just tell me you hate me, and I'll leave."

"…What? Do you really think that? Do you really think I hate you?"

Logan remained silent for a while. And for a moment, for a _split_ moment, Kendall thought he was going to say 'we don't talk about that'. But Kendall knew that Logan knew his excuse wouldn't work on him anymore. Kendall could always get Logan to talk. Kendall was the first one that could always get Logan to talk, because Logan loved Kendall. Logan admired Kendall. Logan had Kendall at his fingertips for the past few months and he didn't even realize it.

But Kendall knew. Kendall knew he was at the mercy of Logan. Kendall knew anything Logan wanted, Kendall wanted for him, but three times harder. Kendall knew that he would literally do anything, _anything_ for Logan. If Logan told him to jump off a bridge…he would. He was dedicated to Logan. But he didn't know just how badly. Kendall knew he was one hundred percent dedicated to Logan. But all Logan knew was music. Kendall knew, and Logan didn't.

In a sense, Kendall _was_ music. That boy walked, lived and breathed music. It was his life. The pieces to the story fit; Logan just knew music. He just understood it better than he ever understood anything else because _you don't have to see music to understand it._ It just is. And music and love are related on so many levels. Every song has to do with love, whether it's love from a spouse, a parent, a friend. Love connects people. Music connects people. They're both a story, and they're both touched with magic.

"…I just feel like I'm impossible to love."

Kendall was startled by this. He wasn't expecting this; he was taken aback. "You?" he questioned, his heart fluttering hard in his chest. "You're the easiest person to love. Just looking at you makes me want to love you. I swear to God I loved you the first time I saw you. I mean, really _saw_ you. You're such an incredible person. How could I not love you?"

"…The only reason you think I'm _incredible_ is because I'm _different_."

He swallowed hard. "No. You're different because I think you're incredible." He prayed the old trick would work. He didn't know what else to say. He knew no matter what, that Logan didn't come into his life by accident. Blind or not, it didn't matter. What mattered was the connection. What mattered was love, and music. What mattered was that there was nothing that Logan could do that would change the way Kendall felt about him.

Kendall watched Logan. Logan shook his head subtly for a moment, but Kendall noticed. He glanced at the white eyes, and stopped breathing with anticipation. "You're not supposed to love me back. Nobody ever loved me back. Why do you love me?"

Kendall's heart ached. He didn't know the answer to that question, and Logan knew whenever he lied. "I honestly didn't think I needed a reason. I just…love you. Everything about you."

"But…that doesn't- you can't….that doesn't mean you're _in_ love with me." His voice was so quiet that Kendall barely heard him.

_How did we get to this?_ Kendall thought. Just a few minutes ago they were trying to write a song, and now Logan was trembling and Kendall thought his heart was going to burst and his head was going to explode. He bit his lip and then, suddenly, he lurched forward, grabbed Logan by his shoulders and planted a big, wet, emotional kiss right on his lips. It was real, and pure, and natural. And it was what Kendall knew what was going to happen. Because Kendall knew and Logan didn't.

Kendall stopped kissing Logan and easily noticed Logan was no longer trembling. "_That's_ how I know I'm in love with you," said Kendall. He ran over to the guitar in the corner and gave it a strum, "That's how I know," he said, and then he ran over to the portable keyboard on the bed and pressed a few random notes, "That's how I know," he said, and he serenaded to him, singing, "He'll find his own way to show you, with the little things you do, that's how you know he's your love."

Logan laughed that one.

Kendall laughed because he couldn't believe the kiss had worked.

And Kendall got Logan to stay up with him, and they finished Nothing Even Matters, but Logan still, was refusing to sing it solo, and Kendall, still, insisted Logan grow a pair, shut up, and sing the damn song.

About twenty minutes after the song was written, Scott knocked on the door. It was time to get on the jet and fly to the last date on the tour. Ending the World Tour.

But going home.

* * *

Note: As you probably noted, I did not italicize any singing. I hope that didn't confuse you. I just don't think it should be italicized. I'm picky about my grammar haha, even if it's wrong. I don't know. Anywho. I hope you enjoyed. I really like the ending of this chapter. I'm hoping youuuuuuuuuuu will share your thoughtsssssssssss with meeeeeeeeee:D yes. so review. please and thank you for reading! (:


	12. I

Thought: So, great news. I've panned out the next few chapters. Four more, counting this one. I'm stoked. I'm finally going to finish a story. Ah. Just, ah. It's been so long, and I can't wait for that feeling of accomplishment. This is also a little longer than the previous chapters.

* * *

Logan couldn't help but smile when he stepped off that jet, smelling the rare Minnesota air. He always knew what he was home. If Logan were an animal, he'd be a delephant. Half elephant, half dog. Great memory, great sense of smell.

And there was _nothing_ like performing at home. All four boys grew up in Minnesota. They'd spent the majority of their lives in Minnesota and these people were their people, and boy, were they _all_ excited to see them perform.

Of course, the boys tore it up, like that had every night for the past three months.

And of course, the screams from the crowd never left their memories.

But, as fast as it started, it was over. Just like every night. It always ended so quickly, but this night seemed to go a lot quicker than the rest of the nights. The boys soon found themselves on the jet, and Kendall found himself trying to sing a hyperventilating Logan to sleep for the last time. Carlos and James found themselves in their part of the jet, talking about how _badly they did not want this to end_. But they all had made one promise already: things would never be the same. They were now friends for life, no backing out.

Kendall and Carlos had departed with James and Logan at the airport. Kendall and Carlos were on their way home, as were James and Logan. Kendall thought it was terribly weird watching Logan and James go a different way. It just seemed illogical. Ever since fate had lodged them together, they'd been literally lodged together. They were inseparable, yet, there they were, separating.

Kendall smugly placed his head against the cold, tinted limousine window, clearly becoming depressed with having to end his successful and fun world tour. Despite knowing he would see his friends all the time, and he still had Carlos by his side, he couldn't help but be sad.

Carlos was grinning at him.

"Why are you so happy? Tour is over. Now I'm gonna go back to being an asshole."

"…no you're not," said Carlos, still grinning. "Because you've still got Logan. He's a twenty minute drive, Kendall. And you can't go back to being an asshole, because, well…it would be stupid. Why live your life in misery, when you do anything you want? Besides, we _still_ have a lot of work to do. And if you don't remember, we've got one more song to write for the album. Personally, I think you should just l-"

"DON'T say it!" Kendall warned.

"Why won't you let us do it?" Carlos wined.

"I'm just not letting you do it on Logan's album, okay? It's _Logan's album_. We don't want to involve ourselves like that. We're the producers, here, not the talent. I want Logan to shine on his own."

"So, you're saying there's hope for us to do it, but not on Logan's album?"

"Yeah, basically."

"I can't see your side, though, Kendall. In my opinion, you're being freaking ridiculous. You had a guest singer on your first album."

"That was me. We're not talking about me, we're talking about Logan. Everybody's different. Logan's got more soul in music than I've seen anybody have in a _long_ time. I'm more pop. Big Time Rush is more pop. We're not ruining Logan's sound before it's even out there."

"We're not! We should _start_ this damn CD with all the different sounds he has to begin with. So people know what he's capable of."

Kendall took in a deep breath. "Now I feel like we've backtracked," said Kendall, "Maybe we should have thought more about this before we started it."

"_You_ suggested it, Kendall, and I always go along with you, so this is all you, pal."

Kendall sighed again.

"Look, I don't think what we have is wrong. I think everything we have is perfect. But-"

Kendall stopped him. "Stop pressuring me about the group thing, okay? We need _time_ for that."

"If you didn't know, we _have_ time. Only four people in the whole world know about Big Time Records. We have as much time as we want."

"We don't though. We've got to put everything together, still, Carlos, and don't we want to finish it to have it out by next summer? If we do, then, guess what? Yeah, songs and music need to be recorded perfectly by January."

"We've got 40 songs recorded! We've got twelve picked for the album! Just pick one more and baddabing."

"No, no baddabing. Just because we have songs recorded doesn't mean they're usable. This is the _debut_ album, okay? Perfection is key."

Carlos shook his head. "You don't get it. Logan's a natural star by association. Association with you, who already worked his ass off, association with his father, who already worked his ass off. Logan's got it easy."

Kendall couldn't exactly believe what Carlos was saying. Logan had it easy. Yeah, right. "Okay, well, first of all, Logan _doesn't _have it easy. You know that. We're going to work our asses off on this album, okay? _All_ of us. Including Logan."

"All you do is work your ass off. Ever thought of taking a break?"

Kendall laughed. "No. Not once. You don't win by taking breaks. You win by taking charge."

"Right, right, that pilot-your-own-life bullshit, I know. Don't stress yourself out about this, Kendall, _please_. I hate when you're stressed, and you hate when you're stressed, so you just need to stay relaxed, and calm."

Kendall couldn't make that promise, especially because the limo had pulled into the driveway, parking right behind Brent's car.

And Kendall immediately remembered why he now hated home.

The teens made their way into the house, and Ms. Knight welcomed both boys with huge hugs and a 5-month-pregnant-belly. Ms. Knight listened to the boys talk about tour, and talk about James and Logan. She, of course, knew about their sexuality. First of all, she was super-mom, and she made it a point to be apart of her children's lives. She made sure that her children trusted her. Of course, Carlos wasn't _her_ child, but _she_ was the one who was taking care of him, and who was responsible for him, and who _had_ the title as his guardian for the past eight years.

Then, Carlos and Kendall were forced to listen to Ms. Knight talk about home-life; how it was being pregnant the same time as her daughter. She told the boys that she was due February 16, and that Katie was due February 27. They would find out the genders within the next week, hopefully, and they were excited to buy baby stuff, and had weird cravings all the time.

She mentioned that Leona, Mr. Mitchell's assistant, had picked up LZ about three hours ago and brought him home.

And that Brent and Katie were living at home to save money for a crib.

Ms. Knight winced as she told her son that news.

Kendall, however, said nothing. He just stood up, kissed his mother's cheek, said, "It's nice to be back home, mom. I missed you." and proceeded down the spiral stairs to hid bedroom.

Carlos hugged Ms. Knight and ran after Kendall, worried about how Kendall was feeling right then. "Kendall, are you okay?" he asked once he saw his friend.

"I'm fine," Kendall replied.

"I know you hate, Brent," said Carlos, "and I know you're pissed he's living here."

"Of course I'm pissed. But I can't exactly _do_ anything about it, now can I?"

"…when have you _ever_ not been able to do something?"

Kendall sighed. "This is _Katie_ we're talking about here, Carlos. We can't win against Katie, and especially with her _and_ Brent. They're like, an undefeatable team, and nothing we can do can change this. _Nothing_."

"You're Kendall, though."

"I'm aware," said Kendall, sounding frustrated. "It's not all it's cracked up to be, being Kendall."

"Sure it is. Mom said they're staying here to save money for a crib. Buy the damn crib, thus no reason to live at home. Problem solved."

"They're not going to leave," said Kendall firmly. "Katie wants help with her baby, and she knows Brent won't do it. Mom will. Mom's always there. And Katie wants her right around the corner."

"…how do you know? What if she wants to do it on her own?"

"She _will_ do it on her own. But she'll do it on her own wherever her mother is, just in case something happens. Katie's extremely serious when it comes to other people. You know that. You know Katie. She won't be able to handle it without Mom."

"Sounds to me like you're giving up."

"You had to have tried _first_ to give it up. I'm just not causing this fight. We're rarely home anyway, we don't have to worry about this. We're going to finish Logan's album and _focus_ on that. We're _not_ going to waste our time trying to get rid of someone who's clearly stuck in our lives forever."

Carlos took in a deep breath. He _gave up_. He was never a match for Kendall, which is why he _always_ did what Kendall did or wanted him to. So, he was going to focus on finishing Logan's album, and he wasn't going to waste his time trying to get rid of someone who was clearly stuck in his life forever. The baby that was their niece or nephew was fathered by Brent, and as much as they loathed him, they had to deal with him. They had to accept him. They had to fucking live with him.

They lasted a while, though. A solid two weeks they dealt with Brent, leaving his facial hair in the bathroom sink, putting empty containers back into the fridge, leaving his dirty clothes on the floor, never putting the cap back on the toothpaste container, throwing things in the trash missing yet leaving it there, sticking his fingers in his ears, nose, and bellybutton, then proceeding to sniff whatever it is that was in there, and of course, picking arguments with Kendall.

It was the very first few days of December when Kendall was bitching to Logan about Brent almost on a daily basis. He would get in his car, drive he and Carlos to the Mitchell Mansion, and hang out with Logan. James and Carlos, aka the cutest couple Kendall had ever seen, would often go on dates and go out. On more than one occasion James asked Kendall to spend the night with Logan so he and Carlos could go get wasted. It was usually on Fridays. Kendall didn't mind. He actually _loved_ being alone in a mansion with Logan. And he loved being away from Brent.

Kendall and Logan spent a lot of time in the studio on their nights alone. Of course they couldn't record Logan in Kendall's studio; that was owned by Rockit Records and Kendall didn't want to get caught up in illegal copyright infringements and stuff like that, nor did he want to have to take Logan out to the studio all the time, so the studio in the backyard was absolutely the most convenient thing he had come across in his entire life.

Kendall and Logan did a lot of flirting in their alone time, but one thing they recently picked up was slow dancing. It was Logan's birthday, on the 13th of December, however, neither boy was feeling very celebratory. Logan was missing his father, who was in Quebec, directing what was supposed to be the summer's biggest hit ever. Kendall was missing his father, who was in Florida, not giving two shits about his son.

So, Kendall did what he felt was most logical. He put on the slowest song he could find, snatched Logan's hands, and swept him off his feet. Logan laughed at this, of course, and Kendall said, "What, never slow danced in a studio?"

"Can't say that I have."

"I like to keep things original."

And Kendall had wrapped his arms around Logan, and Logan put his head on Kendall's broad shoulders. Kendall hummed happy birthday, and Logan had never had a better birthday.

Kendall and Logan weren't official. They were, as they both put it, platonic, yet they both constantly flirted with each other, gave small affectionate kisses, and cuddled in bed together every Friday, Saturday, Tuesday, and Wednesday nights. They weren't quite together, but they had immaculate chemistry. Kendall was just nervous about how things would pan out in the long run. He couldn't think of many openly gay celebrity couples. Of course, Ellen and Porscha, Elton John and his baby daddy, oh, and Lindsay Lohan who had that relationship with that girl. …but he didn't know if he could be strong enough to be open up to everyone like that. Especially two thirds of the female population between the ages of six and twenty four were the "Future Mrs. Kendall Knight"

Kendall didn't like to think about it. He loved Logan, though, and he'd think about how much so every day for the rest of his life. But he knew how the world operated, and being judged was inevitable. It just was going to happen and he wanted to put it off as long as possible, even if forever were possible.

There was one day, near Christmas where Mr. Mitchell called the house. "Hello, Kendall," he said, immediately recognizing the voice answering on the other line. "How's Logan?"

"He's doing good. His stomach was bothering him all day yesterday, so James, Carlos and I took him to the doctor's this morning. They gave him some antibiotics and he should be fine. He's just sleeping it off right now."

Kendall glanced at Logan, sleeping on the couch. God, he was just so cute.

"Well, send him my love, okay? He's in my thoughts, always. How's James doing?"

"James is doing good. He's out with Carlos right now."

"They really hit it off, eh?"

"Yeah."

"I talked to him Tuesday. Says he's in love."

"They both act in love. They're sickeningly cute."

Kendall heard an empty chuckle, "Yeah." Kendall wondered more about Mrs. Mitchell. All he really knew was that she was absolutely beautiful, and that she left when Logan was "like, six." He wondered how Mr. Mitchell felt all about this, about losing his wife, being a director, traveling the world and never seeing his kids. He wondered if he _liked_ it. He wasn't sure how anyone could like being away from Logan, though.

Then again, we're talking about the same man who used to lock Logan in the closet while he snorted lines of crack at his house party. We're also talking about the father who encourages drinking while underage and the use of marijuana.

"Well, thanks for being there for my boy, Kendall. He's never had a real friend like you."

"I've never had a friend like him, either," Kendall commented, again, proudly looking at Logan, who was still sound asleep on the couch.

"I'm coming home in about two weeks or so. I'm going to be really busy for the next few days, but I'm going to try to call sometime on Wednesday."

"So you won't be home for Christmas?" Kendall questioned.

"…I haven't been home for Christmas in nine years," said Mr. Mitchell. "What would be the difference?"

Kendall didn't know what to say to that, so he said nothing.

"I'll call back Wednesday, okay?"

"Okay."

They wished each other goodbyes and hung up the phones. Kendall took in a deep breath and bit his bottom lip. Logan adjusted on the couch before his eyes opened, and they blankly stared at Kendall. "Was that dad?" he asked.

"How much of that conversation did you hear?"

"Enough to know my dad isn't going to be home for Christmas again."

"He said he hasn't for nine years."

"Yeah, well, mom's last Christmas was dad's last Christmas."

"Why'd she leave?"

"Pressure, I guess. Couldn't handle the pressure of the fame it brought being with dad. Couldn't handle it with me, either. I don't know if you believe this, but, apparently, the public is very interested in the blind son of a world renowned director and his beautiful wife."

"Do you know the last thing she said to you?"

"…she said she would always be proud of me till the day she died."

"The last thing my dad said to me was that he was much happier living without me, mom and Katie."

"Yeah. But you still have your mom at Christmas."

Kendall nodded. "Yeah. I do."

"I have James, though," Logan said. "Grandma and Grandpa sometimes come down, too, either for thanksgiving or Christmas. But not this year because Grandpa's been having heart problems lately."

"I'm sorry."

"I'll live," Logan said.

"Think you wanna spend Christmas at my house? You _and_ James, of course."

"I think me and James would like that a lot."

Christmas didn't exactly go as planned. Mrs. Knight was in her forties, and due to her age, her pregnancy was high-risk. She went into early labor on Christmas Eve, and was rushed to the hospital. Kendall, naturally, was panicking. When it came to his girls and boys, he panicked. This obviously included his mother, who was now in an emergency cesarean section to deliver the baby. If not, there was no chance either of them would live, and Kendall was pacing back and forth, occasionally rubbing his aching head.

She wasn't due for another two months, and that made Kendall nervous. Katie was still very pregnant, Carlos wasn't any where in sight, James was looking for him, Logan was sitting in his chair, trying to get Kendall to sit next to him and just _talk to him_, and Kendall wanted to beat the shit out of Brent, who saw no point in being there. Lee Keegan, Ms. Knight's baby daddy, was on his way. He was visiting family in Olympia, Washington for the holidays.

Katie was arguing softly with Brent, asking him if this is how he was going to be when their own daughter was born. Brent, of course, didn't see what he was 'being', exactly, but he assured Katie that he was going to be highly involved and ecstatic upon the arrival of his daughter.

The midnight hour struck before the birth of the baby, and it was now technically Christmas. Kendall was biting the inside of his mouth in anticipation for news on his mother. She had yet to leave his thoughts, even for a moment.

"Kendall, stop pacing," Logan breathed, "You're making me sick."

"How?" Kendall questioned, a bit harshly.

Of course, Logan understood, and shrugged it off. "Light, dim, light, dim," he explained. "Please just sit and talk to me."

"What exactly am I supposed to talk about?"

"…how you're feeling."

"We don't talk about that. My mother is in surgery right now! Why would we talk about how I'm feeling at a time like this?"

"…_because_ your mother is in surgery right now," Logan said, simply.

"I don't-"

"Kendall, you're worried, I get that. It's your _mom_. Just talk to me about her. It'll help pass time, and it'll help you feel better."

"How?"

"…I don't know how. I don't know why. But it just does. So sit your ass down, calm down, and talk."

Kendall trusted Logan, and he sat down. It was weird for the tables to be turned like this; for Kendall to be panicking and Logan to be assuring him everything was alright, or at least it was going to be. So, Kendall sat next to the boy he was madly in love with, and just talked. He talked about the trouble he and Carlos brought his mother over the past years. Like the time they let a squirrel run all over the house, the time they played basketball using a trampoline instead of asphalt, and Carlos broke his arm. The time they put fake cockroaches all over Katie's room and Katie _freaked_ out and Mom wasn't very happy with them. How she took care of them when they were sick, and how she was always there to make sure their cuts were properly healed, or that they were always fed, or that they always had birthday cake on their birthdays.

Logan just listened. He enjoyed hearing stories from Kendall's childhood; he wished he'd been apart of it. He wished he knew Ms. Knight better than he did, and he wished he'd had her to take care of him. But, at the same time, he'd had James. Sure, James didn't exactly suffice as a mother, but, his brother did try. His brother did give up his entire childhood to look after him, and that kind of sacrifice never leaves your heart.

The surgery ended about twenty minutes past midnight on Christmas morning. Ms. Knight, besides being in a lot of pain, and high from the morphine and couldn't feel her legs from the epidural given before the surgery, was doing very well. She was stable, awake, and alert.

The little baby, Kendall's new sister, was, obviously, premature. She weighed a little more than three pounds, and was rushed immediately into the neonatal intensive care unit where she was receiving the care she needed in order to help her lungs and tiny organs develop. Miraculously, mother and baby were doing excellent. They were, according to the doctors, going to be just fine.

Katie and Brent quickly visited Ms. Knight before the latter sent the two home to get some sleep. Carlos and James had still not returned from wherever it was that they were, and Kendall and Logan were in the room with Ms. Knight.

Kendall was feeding his mother ice chips and water, asking her every three minutes if she was okay. Her response was always, "I'm okay, I just wish I could see the baby."

She, being the caring, nurturing woman that she was, kept asking Kendall and Logan if they were okay, too. "How ya doing, Kendall?" or "You holding up over there, Logan?" Even if she was in the hospital, she was still Kendall's mommy, and she would always put him, his friends, or any child before herself.

And that's what Kendall admired most about her.

Around four a.m., the door opened. Kendall was expecting another nurse to be checking on his mother, but instead, this time, it was a doctor in a white coat. "Ms. Knight," he said, "I'm Dr. Delanee. I'm the Neonatologist that has been caring for your daughter. The baby is adjusting wonderfully in the NICU. I assure you, everything is going beautifully. She's a tough little girl, that baby. It's almost as if she were ready for this challenge. She hasn't been struggling, she seems very easy-going. She has actually been breathing very well on her own, but as precaution we're keeping her on the respirator. Her lungs were developed considerably at the time of her birth. Our main concern is her heart valves and the development of that, however, she seems to be doing extremely well. Honestly, she's one of the easiest, strongest patients I've had to date, and she's only four hours old."

Ms. Knight was clearly relieved by this information. The woman started to cry of pure bliss upon hearing this news. Kendall's heart happily did somersaults in his chest. Logan was half-asleep, but still, he was smiling over joyously at the news.

"Hospital policy states that premature infants can't leave the NICU till they meet the weight requirement of five pounds, two ounces. It'll take a few weeks, but I'm sure they will fly by. She is ready to eat, but your doctor doesn't want you off of bed rest till eleven o'clock in the morning. I was wondering if the father would like to give her the first feeding?"

Lee still hadn't arrived; this didn't surprise Kendall. He had to drive through Oregon and most of California to get to where they were. He probably wouldn't arrive till night time.

Ms. Knight said, "Well…he's still on his way…Kendall…? Would you like to…?"

Kendall rubbed his head ferociously before subtly nodding the way that Logan showed him. "Okay."

He followed Dr. Delanee to the NICU. He put on the protective scrubs to protect the small infants from germs, and followed him inside. He introduced Kendall to a neonatal nurse, who brought him to the incubator that held his baby sister. Kendall sat as instructed, and the nurse carefully removed the baby girl from her station.

She was so _tiny_.

Kendall had never seen a baby as small as his sister before, nor had he seen a room full of babies this small. Some were a bit smaller, some where a bit bigger. There were about ten or so babies in the NICU that night, and the newest addition, Kendall's sister, was the strongest of them all. Kendall couldn't help but think that she was _definitely a Knight_.

She had a little pink hat, a diaper that was way too big, tubes in her little nostrils and an iv in her little veins. But she was the perfect pink baby color everyone talks about. Kendall counted her fingers and toes before he started to feed her. The nurse, as requested by Kendall, stayed by his side, and when it was time to burp the baby, he got nervous and asked the nurse to do it. He didn't want to hurt her, but she was okay. She was okay.

And when she was done eating, the nurse said, "She did great. She's a tough little trooper, that baby. You did just fine, Kendall, just fine."

And Kendall proceeded back to his mother's room to tell her the news. When he walked in, what he saw he didn't expect. Logan was half on the floor, Carlos was _on _the floor in front of her bed, and James was next to him. Kendall took in a deep breath, went over to Logan, and lifted him up into the chair at a better, more comfortable angle, or what looked like a more comfortable angle. The teenager moaned in his sleep, and Kendall looked at his mom and grinned.

She was very tired, but she wanted to hear what Kendall had to say. "Ten fingers, ten toes, and a cute little button nose. She's perfect. You did, good, mom. She's doing good."

And upon hearing that news from someone she trusted more than herself, she could settle down and get some much deserved sleep.

* * *

Note: Awh. Ms. Knight had a wittle baby girl. (: Her name is Kahlee Delanee Keegan. (Kay-Lee. Dell-A-Nee). Awwh. So cute. Anywho. I felt like giving Mama K a lot more attention than I usually do since Mother's day is Sunday. my mother and I aren't exactly best friends, but she's ALWAYS been there. All the times my dad has left (he came back, of course) my mom was always there. She's the one who has always drove me around, went without for me, brought me to the doctors and encouraged me, kept my ass in line. when the world walked out, mom was always there. i love my mom, and i appreciate her. even though i don't tell her all the time. I hope you guys spend Sunday with your moms, and I hope you let her know how much she means to you. Thank you all for reading. (:


	13. Feel

Thoughts: So. I saw BTR on Sunday EE. Well, It was HARD to see because I'm short, and people put their kids on their shoulders. Basically, I got a live preview of what the show in VT is going to be like, only I'll be MUCH closer and will actually be able to SEE. Which is exciting. BY THE WAY - **This is Chapter _13_** so if you know me a little bit, then you know that 13 is my favorite number and i HAD to make it ch 13 my favorite somehow...(;

* * *

January came relatively quickly after a hasty Christmas the boys spent in the hospital. Obviously, Kendall nor Carlos were going to leave and Logan wasn't going if Kendall wasn't, and James wasn't going if Carlos wasn't, so, the four teenage boys who had spent the majority of their year on tour spent Christmas quietly in a hospital with Mama Knight.

Baby Kahlee came home in the middle of January. Katie was still very pregnant. It was weird for Kendall to think that they _both _should have been pregnant, yet, there he was, on the couch in the middle of January, holding his new sister.

She was precious, Kahlee. She was tiny and precious and over five pounds and completely healthy. Mrs. Knight and her boyfriend Lee Keegan couldn't have been any happier. Lee Keegan, by the way, had also moved in. He still had his apartment, but he'd spent every night since he got back from Salem at the house, so it was safe to say he was moved in. At least for now.

Kendall didn't sleep at the house any longer. He went there during the day sometimes but spent most of his time at Logan's. He and Carlos liked it there a lot better for many, many reasons. One, Brent was not there. Two, Kahlee's crying did not wake them up every four hours. Three, Brent was not there. Four, Brent was not there. Five, Brent was not there. Six, Logan and James WERE there.

It was also easy for them to get a lot of work done. Even though Kendall and Logan were basically the masterminds behind the CD, Carlos and James were there, definitely helping and doing their share. Carlos helped Kendall produce the music. It was time consuming, and slightly difficult, piecing the music to fit perfectly with the words.

James and Carlos sang backup. Kendall was determined to not have his voice on Logan's debuting album and he had thus far succeeded in this task, despite Logan's best efforts to convince him otherwise. They wanted opposite things, but Kendall always got what he wanted.

"…Kendall?" Logan asked. "What do we've finished recording this? Is it just, bam, on shelves?"

"Uh, pretty much, dude. First, we get you some deals, like with FYE and Wal-Mart or something. We put you on MTV and TRL, you show your face, say a few words. We sell the CD to stores all across America, get the album on iTunes, have foreign people listen to you, and bam. Done."

"Is it really that simple? It just seems-"

"Trust me."

Logan laughed. "I do, I do."

The entire world was already talking about Logan Mitchell; everyone besides Logan Mitchell, of course. He had no idea that everyone knew his name. he had no idea that the internet was on a wild rampage, everyone was trying to figure out just _who_ he was. He was a mystery to them; all they knew was that he just went on tour with Kendall Knight, and he was full of fucking talent.

One day towards the end of January, Kendall and Logan were alone in Logan's house. Mr. Mitchell was expected back after February eighth, but before Valentine's Day. He was doing some interviews for the movie before returning back to Los Angeles where he could work in the same district as his sons.

Logan was sitting at the piano playing Mozart and Kendall was laying on the couch; he hadn't been feeling very well all week and that day had been the worst day so far for him. His head was _throbbing_; he felt like his brains were going to explode right out of his skull. Logan playing really did make him feel better for a while. The headache scared him; it'd been a while since he had one, and it was very out of the ordinary for him to have one when it was just him and Logan.

"Logan," Kendall said, and suddenly, the music stopped. "I think my head exploded."

"Are you okay?"

"…I don't think so. Not this time."

"Shit. So what do I do! Are you going -"

"Don't panic."

"I'M PANICKING."

"Don't scream either, you banshee."

"Do you know what a banshee is? It's a woman spirit who signals when someone is going to die."

"Yeah, yeah, the words you say," said Kendall sarcastic and hastily. "Listen, just call Carlos and tell him…" Kendall's voice had been so soft and towards the end of his sentence his words were not even audible for Logan to comprehend. Kendall was fading and Logan knew it. He took in a deep breath and Kendall's voice repeated in his head, "Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't panic. Don't scream either, you banshee. Don't panic."

Logan took out his cell phone and scanned it with his thumb for the seventh button. That was Carlos's button. He found the talk button swiftly and put the phone up to his ear and listened to it as it rung.

"Hey, buddy, are you okay?" Carlos answered the phone.

"Kendall said his head exploded, and to call you and I don't know what to do. Normally, I panic under pressure but I'm staying cool, yup, yup, staying cool."

Logan, clearly, was not staying as cool as he could have. However, rambling happened quite often with him, so Carlos didn't notice a big behavior change. "Logan, you should call 9-1-1, okay?"

"If he's telling you to call an ambulance," Kendall said softly from the couch, "don't. Tell him to get his ass over here."

"Kendall said I'm not to call nine, one, one and you need to get your ass over here."

"Okay, I'm coming. Just…get him some water and talk to him, okay? Softly. Don't panic, and don't scream like a wildebeest."

Logan wondered where the hell these boys got their similes from, but they were grammatically incorrect and it drove him nuts, but he didn't spend too much time thinking about it. He had Kendall to worry about, after all. He cautiously sat next to Kendall and searched for his hand. It took him a few minutes, but he found it, and started to comfort Kendall in the only way he was taught. By stroking Kendall's hand with his thumb.

"Kendall. Why do you get these headaches?"

"I got in an accident when I was younger. I've had tension headaches every since, but this one is different. This one…it's just…it's never been like _this_ before…I hadn't had any headaches in a long time…"

"So…an accident?"

"I was just hit by a car," Kendall said casually, as if it were something that happened on a regular basis.

"How old were you?"

"Seven."

"Was it, like…on purpose?"

Kendall wanted to laugh. He wanted to be sarcastic and say, "Yeah, Loges, it was on purpose, you know, this guy just decided to take a drive and peg a few kids on his way to the meth lab." but he didn't have any energy. Really, he didn't move, all he said was, "No."

"How did it happen?"

"Logan," Kendall told his curious crush, "can you just, stop asking questions and sing or something."

Logan's heart ached a little in his chest; he was so curious about Kendall's accident. He wondered why Kendall hadn't mentioned it before. They had shared _so_ much already, and being hit by a car kind of covered a big span of time in Kendall's childhood. Logan had told Kendall that he used to get locked in closets; he told Kendall that his mom left and his dad was a drug addict. Why didn't Kendall tell him this? It seemed really important to the small genius.

Instead of fronting, or arguing, Logan acquiesced Kendall's request and sang him the John Lennon song that Kendall had sang for him that day on the plane, and Kendall relaxed into the Logan's voice; melted perfection even acapella.

In reality, it didn't take Carlos but ten minutes to get to the house, but in Logan's mind, it took ten hours. He was _so_ worried; he hated that feeling. It was in his stomach, constantly, making him feel like throwing up, or having a heart attack. Carlos being quiet as a mouse upon entering didn't help anything, either. This was odd for him, but he was doing it for the sake of Kendall.

However, Carlos accidentally scared Logan. He'd kind of crept up on him, and Logan screamed, and Kendall's eyes shot open quickly, his mind panicking slightly, then it going back to normal when he saw Carlos. The Latino quickly apologized, "Logan, it's me, Carlos, I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."

Logan wanted to cry.

His emotions were so mixed, and he was frustrated. He was angry that Kendall hadn't told him about the accident sooner, yet he was worried about the tall blond. He was panicked. He'd been scared. He just wanted this day to be over already.

Carlos studied his best friend; Kendall was sweaty, and pale, and he looked like absolute crap. Carlos hadn't seen him like this in a long time. He took in a deep breath, and pressed his lips together. "You okay?" he asked.

Kendall didn't respond, knowing Carlos already knew what to do. And he did; the Latino went and got Kendall's shoes and sweatshirt. He pulled the tongues of the sneakers up and slipped Kendall's feet into them, tying them, starting with the left. He slowly sat Kendall up, praying that his friend didn't start to vomit, and helped the weaker slip his arms into the comforting cottony fold.

"Logie, stay here," Carlos's voice ordered, "I'll come back in a second for you."

Logan was good at taking direction, and he stayed perfectly still in his spot near the couch that had been occupied by Kendall just moments ago. Carlos led Kendall outside and laid him down in the back of his car, tossing a blanket over him. "I'll be right back, okay?" Carlos said quickly before running into the house and going to the living room, this time, though, being very loud about it.

Carlos said, "I'm back, Logan," and grabbed the boy's hand, "Come on, let's go, let's go."

Carlos couldn't help but notice how badly Logan's hand was shaking. He didn't like to be the leader, that's why Kendall was. There were those instances where he didn't have a choice, and he hated not knowing how to handle this. He didn't know Logan like Kendall did, or like James did. He knew Logan well, but not on a deep, emotional level like Kendall and James. He didn't know what to say to help him get through this, he didn't know how to assure him it would end up being okay.

Carlos pressed Logan's head down getting the blind boy into the passenger seat of the car, running to the other side, throwing his hazards on and doing eighty to the hospital, scaring Logan even _more_, and causing him to start the tears and he cried even harder when he realized he didn't have his Banz with him.

Once Carlos told them what had happened, they immediately ordered an MRI and a CAT scan on his brain. They, too, were worried. A nurse had to ask Carlos if _Logan_ was okay, because, as they sat in the waiting room, teardrops fell down that boy's face like rain, and his cheeks were red and his eyes were red and scary and Carlos knew that calming down a seventeen year old blind boy was going to be a lot harder than calming down a month old baby.

Mrs. Knight heard Logan crying in the background when Carlos called her, however, Carlos heard Kahlee, so all was fair. Then, he called James. "Hello, baby," James answered the phone, but he heard the crying before Carlos even said anything. "What's going on?"

"Kendall's in the hospital; they're doing MRI's on his head. Logan's freaking out and I can't stay calm much longer."

James said, "Okay, I'm on my way."

"Drive safely, hon, okay?" Carlos asked in a small voice.

"Yeah, of course," said James in reply.

Carlos sat next to Logan and said softly, "How do I make you stop crying?" he asked softly, not expecting an answer.

He got one anyway, "you don't."

"…please, just stop crying, okay? What does it help?"

"I'm sorry I'm scaring you," said Logan.

"…what do you mean?"

"…I can _feel_ you're scared, Carlos. I'm scared, too…"

"Clearly," noted the Latino, "But, you just, can't go around crying over stuff like this. You need to learn how to accept things as they are. No crying. Suck it up."

Logan had never been spoken to like this before; this term, 'suck it up' was new to him. Of course, Kendall often told him to grow a pair, but never with as serious and rough tones that Carlos had just used.

Logan stopped letting tears fall and sat miserably in the uncomfortable waiting room chair. "What if something bad happens?" Logan asked.

"_What if?_" asked Carlos. "We take it as it is and trust that Kendall is as strong as he says he is. Trust me when I say, he always is. Okay? Do you trust me?"

Logan hesitated a moment, contemplating this. _did _he trust Carlos? "Yes," he decided. He trusted Carlos.

When James arrived at the hospital, Logan wasn't crying anymore. In fact, he was rather calm, and James couldn't help but feel like his brother was out of place. But maybe he wasn't out of place; maybe he was right where he was supposed to be. Being more mature about scary situations, more controlled. James ran up to Carlos and kissed him quickly before sitting next to his brother and saying, "You okay, bud?"

"I'm trusting that Kendall is as strong as he says he is."

James said, "Well, okay. But you're making me nervous."

"Why?"

"Because you're not panicking."

"…I'm trusting Carlos, because I know you do."

Carlos couldn't help but blush at this; he knew that James trusted him, but hearing Logan say it aloud made it all the more true. Carlos knew a _lot_ about James, and he knew that Logan was most of his life. Logan was the one thing that James had cared about the most for his entire life, and he knew that he'd literally do anything for his brother.

James looked at his boyfriend, and the sheepish Latino slowly shrugged bashfully. James smiled in thanks, and then bit his lip. "How long's Kendall been back there?"

"About forty minutes or so," Carlos replied.

"That's IT?" Logan screamed, jumping up, his arms flailing and fingers spreading far.

James and Carlos stared blankly at him, feeling slightly awkward, and when nobody replied, Logan sat back down and fiddled with his thumbs. James shrugged and said, "What's wrong with him?"

"They haven't said anything yet, but I'm sure it's related to the tension headaches or the accident, somehow," said Carlos.

It didn't take but five minutes after James's arrival for Mama Knight to arrive alone. She spotted the boys and looked directly at Carlos, "Have they said anything?"

Carlos shook his head. "Not a word."

Mrs. Knight approached the receptionists' desk, introduced herself, and told her who she was looking for. The nurse said the doctors had been waiting for her, and to lead her to the back, and she let Carlos know that she was going back, and he was to stay in the waiting room, making no mischief, and waiting for her or someone to get them.

The waiting was agony for the three boys; Kendall was James' best friend, Carlos' brother, and Logan's soul mate. He had such a high purpose in each of their lives; he meant absolutely everything to them, but not only them, but the world. Thinking that something could be wrong with him made them worry, and they hated not knowing what was going on.

It was about ten minutes before Mrs. Knight came back out. Carlos wasn't sure if the quickness was a good thing, or a bad thing, but judging by the look on Mama Knight's face, it wasn't so great. "He has, like, water on the brain," she said glumly. "They have to go in an surgically drain it out and then put a shunt in."

"Will he be okay?" Carlos asked, clearly not knowing what all that meant.

"Yes, he'll be okay. Good as new in about a week or two. It's still nerve-wracking, though."

Carlos understood that, loud and clear. He nodded slowly, and James could see how uneasy the news made him. He looked at Logan; who, still, was scary calm. Scott ran in the hospital, out of breath, flushed cheeks, shoe untied, and shirt untucked, clearly coming from a party; one that, this time last year, Carlos and Kendall would have both attended with him.

"Where is he!" asked the panicked manager, "Tell me he's okay!"

Soon, the waiting room hospital wasn't vacant but filled with three teenage boys, a worried mother, a talent manager, a music producer (or three) and his (and his, and his, and his) assistant(s), a first-time pregnant woman, and a crazy grandma. Kendall was worrying many, many people all across the world and he knew it, yet this was inevitable.

However, it wasn't a good thing that Scott had brought some of these people after leaving the party; the panicked manager hadn't thought about this. Curious paparazzi followed the celebrities to the hospital, and when James, Logan and Carlos stepped outside for some air, about six cameras were flashing in their faces, and the men behind the cameras bombarded them with questions.

"What's going on in there, guys?"

"Is it Kendall?"

"What about Mrs. Knight's new baby?"

"How are you handling this situation?"

"It's a nice night to be stuck here."

"Do you have any information?"

"Do you miss you dad?" one of them asked, looking at James.

Carlos shook his head at his boyfriend, seeing the look in his eyes, giving him a silent warning. They were to ignore the paparazzi, or go back inside. All three boys knew this.

"Are you enjoying this?" asked a tall, skinny paparazzi guy.

James shot him a look. "Enjoying _what_, exactly?" he questioned, not being able to help himself. "Are you referring to yourself, or the fact that-"

"James," Carlos said his name softly, but enough to make him stop talking.

"Where's Kendall?" one of them asked, looking at Logan. Logan was extremely uncomfortable.

"Can we just go back inside?" he asked his brother with a small voice.

Without hesitation, James agreed and took Logan's hand.

"NO, don't go! Come on, just give us a quote. Something. Anything. Don't be a baby, Logan, just tell us what's going on, Kendall's fans-"

The man didn't even get to finish his sentence before James's fist collided with his face, shutting him up and knocking him out cold with one shot. Of course, the cameras were still flashing, but two of the others jumped on James, and Carlos tried to stop it all before it happened.

Logan knew what was going on. He wasn't stupid, he wasn't daft, he was blind. He backed up, tripped over the unconscious body, and slowly crawled his way back into the hospital, standing up upon reaching the door and saying, "Uh. James and Carlos are fighting with the paparazzi outside."

And, in an instant, Mama Knight, Gustavo Rocque, Scott, and everybody besides Kelly went outside. Kelly, knowledgably stayed inside with Logan. "Are you okay?" she asked him.

"…I've been better," he admitted. "But I'm not even thinking about me, or about James or Carlos. Just Kendall. And I have to trust him, because I trust Carlos because I trust James."

Kelly was slapped with confusion, but she let is slip, thinking about all the emotions he must be feeling right then; Kendall being in emergency surgery, his brother and best friend being outside fighting with paparazzi, and him not having seen his father in - she stopped herself, realizing he _never_ saw his father. He hadn't been near him in _months_ and it must have been hard on him.

"Everything will be okay, sweets," she told him, glancing out the window to see if things were okay out there. She couldn't believe how things had escaladed in just a short period of time. "…do you want to sit down?" she asked, when she noticed the small, pale blind boy starting to sway slightly.

Logan nodded timidly and Kelly approached him, putting her hands on his shoulder and leading him to a chair in the waiting room where he couldn't help but slip in and out of his drowsiness.

Mrs. Knight came back inside with Carlos, who already clearly had a big black bruise around his eye forming. Logan's head shot up when he heard the familiar sound of Carlos's heavy breathing. Logan's heart sank in anticipation, having a horrible feeling in his stomach. "…where's James?" he asked hesitantly, fearing the answer.

He was answered with silence.

He couldn't take it anymore, and he started crying again, "Carlos, please…_please_ don't tell me…Mama Knight…?"

Carlos stopped his Mama Knight from answering, knowing to keep Logan's trust, he had to earn it. He had to be the one to tell what just happened. "James was arrested for assaulting the paparazzi."

And Logan started sobbing, saying his life was ridiculous, he hated everything that was going on, and this time, Carlos didn't have the heart to tell him to stop crying. This time…this time, Carlos cried with him. The Latino engulfed his boyfriends' brother, his best friend's lover, and shushed him silently, hoping that the boy would calm down. He didn't know what to say; he was sick and tired of saying it was going to be okay. James was going to jail again and Kendall…it was just tiring, and both boys were mentally and physically exhausted. Logan fell asleep in that chair before Kendall was out of surgery, and Carlos had stopped crying. The lobby was, once again, full of the celebrities, waiting news on Kendall; however, the police were guarding the hospital and telling paparazzi to go home.

Carlos couldn't sleep. Like Logan, he had a lot on his mind, but, unlike Logan, he wasn't trained to fall asleep when things were going wrong. Kendall had easily whipped Logan into falling asleep when he was panicky, and it was now just easy for him to be comforted by people that Kendall trusted.

Carlos's leg started jittering about twenty minutes after Logan fell asleep. He had to pee, but he couldn't get up and leave Logan. Without James, and without Kendall, without that father of his, Carlos was all he had. It was weird to think that this time last year, Carlos didn't even know Logan Mitchell. Now, in this moment, Carlos was the only one Logan Mitchell had to lean on. And he was, too. He was drooling on Carlos's shoulder a bit, but the Latino didn't mind. He had a Mitchell's spit in his _mouth_ before, his shirt was no problem.

After another fifteen minutes, almost two hours since the surgery had started, Carlos looked at Mrs. Knight. "Mama Knight?" he asked his mom.

"Yes, baby?"

"…what do you think is happening?"

"I think…" she looked up to see Kendall's doctor nodding his head at a nurse while immersed in a conversation. "I think that man is about to come over and tell us."

Her prediction was correct as the doctor made his way over to the group; Logan still asleep next to Carlos, Mrs. Knight standing up in respect.

"The surgery went fine," he assured, "Kendall's doing well in recovery, he's stable, things went perfectly. The shunt is working smoothly, and he should be good to go the day after tomorrow."

"Is he awake?"

"Hardly," the doctor said with a chuckle. "He's slowly coming out of anesthesia."

"Can we go see him?"

The doctor scanned the crowd of people waiting for Kendall. "Well..uh…sure, however I want everyone that isn't spending the night with him gone in about fifteen minutes. Technically, you all shouldn't be back there."

Mrs. Knight nodded and thanked the doctor. "Baby, wake up Logan," she told Carlos, who obeyed, gently shaking Logan awake, helping him up and taking his hand.

The crowd of people then proceeded to go into the room which held the drugged, freshly operated on, Kendall Knight.

Kendall's eyes shot open when he heard the door creak open. The first one he looked for was Logan. The first one he thought about was Logan. He was so in love with Logan it wasn't even funny; he only wanted the world for that boy, and so much more and he would do whatever it takes to make sure Logan was okay.

"Logan," he said in his weak and hoarse voice, "I'm okay, are you okay?"

Carlos walked Logan as close as he could to Kendall's bed, and Kendall took his free, un-IV'd arm and accepted Logan's hand. Logan didn't say anything, instead, the Latino's smooth yet raspy melodic voice filled the air, "James got arrested."

That didn't want to be the first thing Carlos said, but he had to get it out and over with. He had to know that Kendall knew. This would affect him, too.

Kendall looked at Carlos, and rubbed Logan's backhand with his thumb reassuringly. "Are you okay?" The question was addressed to Carlos, and Logan knew. Both boys needed different types of reassurance by Kendall and he was terribly attached to his family. He was very willing to give, and even just coming out of surgery, he had to make sure everybody was okay till he could let them even think about catering to him.

Which was the exact opposite of the Kendall Knight everybody knew a year ago. A year ago, Kendall didn't know Logan. The day he met that boy, he instantly changed. Something inside of him wanted to be the person that Logan needed. And he was.

Carlos's life had never been easy, but he was always an easy-going person. Today, though, he felt weak. All the strength had been sucked out of him, and he just wanted to run away and hide. He didn't like that all these people were around, and he just wanted James. He needed James. It was nice to need someone other than Kendall.

But it hurt to know that that person wouldn't always be there when he needed him. Where was he now? Jail.

Carlos wasn't sure if he could take James's baggage, but he was sure that James was the only person he wanted to talk him through Kendall's problems, and his own problems. And James wasn't around, but Kendall always_ was_.

Carlos didn't answer Kendall. Instead, he turned and walked out of the room, making his way to the bathroom, finally peeing, and finally being alone.

"…Carlos?" Mama Knight's voice rang through the bathroom, not caring if it was designated for men or not. Her baby was in there, and she'd make sure he was okay.

Carlos continued to pee accordingly, then exited properly, not looking at her while he washed his hands. Mrs. Knight took a step closer and waited for Carlos to say something.

Carlos washed his hands for a long time and looked at Mama Knight suddenly, saying, "I've always been cool about everything, you know?" he said, "You know how my brother died. This is fucking hard and James goes and gets arrested. He's got such an important role in this…he's _supposed_ to be here! He's supposed to tell me this will be okay! He's supposed to tell Logie this will be okay, and he's supposed to be here and make that happen. But he's not…"

Mrs. Knight felt terribly bad for Carlos. She had been raising him for most of his life; his brother died during surgery removing a cancerous brain tumor; his mother was dead and his father was in prison. "Don't worry, Carlos. It _will_ be okay. You can't just leave Kendall in there-"

"DON'T YOU GET IT?" Carlos screamed, "_I_ can't be the 'strong one.' _I _can't be the 'leader.' _I'm_ just Carlos."

"_Define_ Carlos!"

"…I'm just…a broke Latino sidekick."

Mama Knight shook her head. "No. You're a sweet, kind, caring, lovable, funny, talented, and enriching _Knight_…you're fabulous. You put others before yourself and you just _care_ so much…you're always getting people to smile in bad situations and you're _so_ energetic and full of life. You're inspirational. You inspire me _every_ day with the things that you do. Even today, even right now. Because I can _see_ you getting stronger. Kendall's going to be okay, honey. James will be okay. Kendall just sent Scott to bail him out. All those people are going to leave soon, and James will be back with you tonight. Just…be that wonderful boy - man that I know you are and go in there, give it all you've got, and live big time."

So, Carlos listened to his mom and went into Kendall's room, patiently waiting for everyone to leave and for James to come back with Scott. Lee started calling Mama Knight not too long after everyone left, and Kendall told her to go home to Kahlee before Lee broke her, he'd be fine with the boys. She was hesitant before leaving, but once Carlos gave her the okay, too, she was okay with it. She was just a call away if they needed her.

Logan fell asleep in the bed with Kendall not long after everyone left and it was just the three of them left. Logan was definitely out for the night, and Kendall looked at Carlos. "Carlos?" he questioned, his voice still hoarse.

"Yeah?"

He looked down at Logan. "I want him to be my boyfriend."

Carlos knew that Kendall was still pretty drugged up. "Oh yeah?"

"Yeah. I mean…look at him. He's so perfect. All I really want to be is his boyfriend."

Carlos smiled thinking of James. It _was_ nice to have a boyfriend, even if he was a psycho, anger-management problem, pretty rich boy that made Carlos's heart melt. "Ask him."

"Ask who what?" Asked Kendall, confused.

"Ask Logan to be your boyfriend."

Kendall smiled widely, "Hey! Great idea! I'll do that when we wakes up. I mean, he. Yeah."

"You should go to sleep," Carlos suggested.

Kendall nodded and cuddled up close to Logan, wrapping an arm around him securely.

And Carlos waited up for James, and when James quietly entered the hospital room, he expected to walk into a room with the boys just sleeping; but Carlos was awake. Carlos was waiting up, and James's heart fumbled in his chest hard. He'd spoken to Mama Knight.

"I'm sorry," was the first thing he said.

Carlos nodded. "I know."

"Do you forgive me?"

Carlos nodded. "I _love y_ou."

"Are you okay?"

Carlos nodded. "Just hold me, and let's go to sleep. It's been a long day. And your happy ass needs to fix your anger issue and learn self control. I told you not to."

"He said something about Logan, I had to knock him out," James said. "He'd be dead if he said anything about you."

* * *

Note: So, I put in a little more Jarlos for some of you who asked for it.(: I hope it wasn't too bad, but lately I keep having this desire to write about Carlos. He's just quite riveting. Well, they ALL are. if you haven't already, check out my neww story, I'm pretty excited for it. thanks for reading(:


	14. About

Thought: Sorry it took so long, but... I GRADUATED HIGH SCHOOL. haha. I was pretty excited, and my whole family came to support me. It was awesome. but then I got into a car accident. I'm accident prone, upon everything else. go figure. haha. at least i can joke about it. (;

* * *

Kendall was alone when he woke up and that was the worst feeling he'd ever had. Where was his gang? His mom? Katie? Scott? Lee? Kahlee, Brent, anybody? He sighed; he hated not knowing what to do. He was bound to the bed by the IV; he had nobody to talk to, the remote was over on the stand on the other side of the room, and there was no good reason to call for a nurse besides for some company.

This was a feeling of blankness that Kendall hadn't felt in a long time. He'd always had Carlos, his mom, Katie, Scott, _somebody_. A fan. Thousands of fans. …Logan.

It'd been two minutes, and he couldn't stand the silence. He reached for the phone and struggled to slowly dial the familiar number of a certain Latino boy he called his brother. The phone barely rang as an instant answer filled the silence, "Hello?"

"Where are you?" Kendall asked.

"In the cafeteria. We're coming up now. Sorry we weren't up there."

"It's okay. I just woke up."

Kendall had been slightly used to the drugs at this point, so they didn't really phase him as much as they first had. He was relaxed, and patient. He was content, although ridiculously bored, and he was happy to see his friends when they walked through the door.

"Mom's coming with Kahlee, just for a little while," Carlos said. "Scott's on his way, too."

"Why isn't Scott here now?"

"He had to shut the public up about you and James. You were almost on CNN," he said with a wink.

James looked down, clearly embarrassed about the entire ordeal.

"When can I leave this place?"

"Tomorrow morning. You gotta take it easy, Kendall, I'm serious. Just stay on the sidelines."

Kendall laughed, "Couldn't be a better time. We gotta work on Logan's summer tour."

"Logan's what, now?" questioned the pale boy, speaking up for the first time. James's head shot up, interested in being apart of this.

"I'm kidding. It's a fall tour."

"Kendall -"

"Relax. _I'm_ going on a summer tour."

"Kendall, knock it off!" Carlos snapped. "You're not funny."

"Then why am I laughing? You guys' faces are priceless. Really. The plan is to get Logan's CD out with small promotional stuff, like, interviews, and maybe a few fairs, nothing big, nothing fancy, alright? _I'm_ going on tour _next_ January. But it's gonna be big time."

Carlos's eyes shuffled. "What do you mean?"

"I've got plans, Carlitos. Don't worry about it. We've got a huge year ahead of us, leading up to an even bigger year next year. We're not going to have quiet lives here, guys. We're not gonna be unnoticed. My sleeve is endless."

Carlos looked at Logan, and the blind felt the eyes on him. Logan knew Carlos's reaction was contingent upon his reaction. James looked at Carlos; he couldn't help but be impressed with the relationship his boyfriend had with his brother. It was sweet.

"…I trust you," Logan said, something that he'd said before, something that he was sure to say again.

Carlos nodded, and looked back at Kendall. "…I trust you too."

"If it counts," James said, "I also trust you."

"Of course it counts," Kendall said, simply, with a small shrug. "You guys are my best friends. Whatever I've got planned, all three of you are apart of it. I trust myself."

When Kendall was released from the hospital, he got straight to work on finalizing Logan's CD. He wanted it out for the summer, and they had tons of promotional stuff do. But he was ahead of schedule, and he liked that. It meant he had control.

Carlos hopped in the studio late one night after getting home from a date with James. James had to use the bathroom _really_ badly, and Carlos noticed the light on and curiously went to check it out.

"Why am I not surprised to see you in here?" he asked with a smirk.

Kendall sighed. "I'm having a hard time getting the music lined up right with the vocals."

"Take a little break," advised the Latino. "You're way ahead anyway. Why don't you go out and have a little fun?"

"It's not that easy, Carlos. I'm-"

"Don't you remember what you told me at the hospital?"

"…no."

"You said…well, you said you wanted Logan to be your boyfriend."

Kendall's cheeks reddened immediately, wanting to deny it, but not wanting be dishonest. He hadn't remembered, but it made sense. That was his biggest secret lately, although, it wasn't really a secret since he was so flirty and lovey with the boy.

"I know you do," said Carlos. "I'm sure if you just ask him, he'd say yes. He's not going to ask you. You're the leader, remember? He knows that. You lead him. You have to speak up. It's just Logan. You know everything about him."

"He's still pissed off that I never told him about the accident."

"I'm sure he's pissed off about a lot of the stupid things that you do. You're an idiot. But he loves you. You can tell. You don't love with your eyes, you love with your heart. You feel that. Whenever he's near you, I can feel that. The way he talks about you…I can feel that. You're not supposed to be afraid of anything. You're Kendall freaking Knight, bro, and you never let anything stop you. You march up those stairs, and you ask that boy to be your boyfriend."

When Kendall hesitated, Carlos added, "I'll ask him to be _mine_."

Kendall laughed and stood up, giving in, not having a rebottle or retaliation. He'd lost that fight; he was taking Carlos's advice. If he wanted something done, he had to get out there and do it. He had to let his guard down and lay it all down, he had to trust himself. And he did.

Kendall went into Logan's room and kissed Logan till he woke up; Logan shoved Kendall off of him, even though he knew who it was. He'd never forget those lips. "What are you doing?" he asked tiredly. "Go to sleep."

"I can't sleep," Kendall said. "I've been thinking."

"Well, go take a hit of weed, stop thinking, and go to sleep."

"Can't you just listen to me?"

Silence.

"Logan, I'm sorry I didn't tell you about the accident. I'm sorry I freaked you out, I'm sorry James got arrested, and I'm sorry things went the way they did. But, we can't change the past, and I don't want you to have this grudge, so, tell me what do I have to do to make you lose your little…attitude. I'll do _anything_."

Logan didn't know if he was insulted or not; he hated when someone said he had an attitude, especially _when _he had an attitude. "Kendall…I just want to know everything. I mean…important stuff, like, things that can cause problems in the future. You had me sobbing and I hate that. I don't want to cry over you."

"I don't want to be the reason you cry," Kendall said. "I'm promising you right now, that I will do my honest to God best to always keep you happy. None of anything I'm doing right now would mean anything without you…." Kendall didn't know what else to say, and when he ran out of words, he did what he knew best. He sang. "_The traveling, the singing, it don't mean nothing without you, the fast cars, the guitars, they're all just second to this life, this love that you and I have been dreaming of for so long. It'd all be as good as gone without you…."_

Logan sat up and faced Kendall. "…I wish I could see you…." he whispered.

Kendall smiled. "You don't love with your eyes. You love with your heart. It's something that you feel. I can feel the way you love me. I know I do. Logan, I want you to be my boyfriend."

Logan laughed. "I kind of thought I already was."

Kendall chuckled and said with a shrug, "Yeah, but, I'd never asked you to be my boyfriend."

"…you still haven't. What you just said was a thought, not a question."

"Okay, wise guy. Logan. Can you be my boyfriend.?"

Logan laughed. "No, _wise guy_. But I _will_ be your boyfriend."

"Smart ass."

"Dumb ass."

* * *

Note: I shortened that, because I wanted it to end with something funny. But It was wayy to short. So, here's some more:

* * *

Thought: Hi again.

* * *

Kendall and Logan were not public with their new status, despite it being official on January 23rd. Like Carlos and James, they were keeping everything under wraps. They were 'just friends' outside, but they were true lovers inside. They didn't mind; they knew the deal beforehand. Neither boy could never decline a challenge.

Soon, January turned to February, and J. Daniel Mitchell came home. He didn't mind that Kendall and Carlos were constantly over, in fact, he actually enjoyed their company. Scott visited often, and Mr. Mitchell thought it was a great idea what the boys were doing for Logan. He, of course, had seen the talent in his son.

He worked quite often, and it wasn't like he had to worry about any of the boys getting pregnant or something, especially with all four of them in the same room. (; Kendall wanted to get his own place, but his eighteenth birthday was still at least half a year away. But he had an idea. He always had ideas. He always acted on impulse. When he wanted something, he'd get it. When he said he was going to do something, he did it. when I say I'ma do something, I do it, I don't give a damn what you think, I'm doing this for me. so fck the world, feed it beans.

Kendall's niece was born in the month of February; the 12th, which was a ridiculously cold day to be out and about, but Kendall made it a point to be there. It was eight days after the due date, and Katie had been complaining that the baby would never come out; that she'd be fat and pregnant forever. Of course, this wasn't possible.

Kendall's gang tagged along, naturally, not being able to miss this. They were, after all, apart of the family. The waiting went on forever, way longer than it had when they were waiting for Kahlee, and she was premature.

"Can't she just pop that thing out already so we can go home?" James asked tiredly, around two a.m. on the 12th.

Kendall, although less than slightly offended by the comment, said, "I agree. I'm gonna text my mom and tell her to tell Katie to hurry up."

He really, did, too. Like this was something that could be controlled. "It's late," Logan said firmly, "You're being illogical. She can't just 'hurry up.' Shit takes time."

"How much time?"

"It depends. Since it's Katie's first baby, it could take days, even."

"Well, I want to go to bed."

"You can't have your cake and eat it, too. You either go home and sleep, or stay here and wait till the baby's born."

"I vote sleep," said Carlos, who was also extremely tired. "Ask your mom how much longer does she think it'll be? She's had plenty of kids, she should know. Right?"

"She could probably give us a clear estimate," Logan urged in, and Kendall nodded, whipping out the cell phone and sending a quick, but firm text to his mother, getting an almost instant reply of, 'probably a few hrs. she's only 5 cm. go home, I'll call.'

"What the hell is 5 cm?" Carlos asked.

Kendall slapped his head and James giggled a bit. "Let's go home and go to sleep, okay?"

"No, but, seriously."

"Our limo guy is still outside," Kendall said happily. "That's one devoted guy."

"Scott pays him by the hour," Logan told him.

Kendall nodded, knowing. Carlos sighed. "Guys. What's it mean?"

"It means she's only 5 centimeters dilated."

Kendall waited for it. "Well ,what does that mean?"

Pale eyes rolled and a smirk appeared on a short boy's face. "It means her vaginal opening is only 5 centimeters around. She can't deliver the baby till it's at ten centimeters."

Carlos went green. "You mean, it get's THAT big?"

"Big enough to squeeze a baby head out of."

"Logan, knock it off," James said firmly. "Carlos, it's life, okay? You knew."

The boys went outside and crawled into the limo. Kendall tapped on the window. "Bring us home, guy," he said. Logan tapped him. "Please," Kendall added. The driver nodded and started towards home; James and Carlos cuddled on one side of the limo, while Kendall and Logan sat rather casually in the limo. The other two kind of stared at them; Logan was the one who noticed.

"You two can stop staring at us at any time. I'm sure you're the ones who should be stared at."

Kendall lifted his head up off the window. "Why are you staring?"

"I dunno," said Carlos. "Why don't you two cuddle? Don't you like to cuddle?"

"…it's weird with James there," Logan said, speaking up.

James nodded, concurring that it made sense that Logan would think that. "Logan, I'm happy for you. You deserve someone like Kendall. You broke free from me, bud. You got some independence. Cuddle with your damn boyfriend."

Logan's cheeks reddened noticeably, and James secretly smirked, cuddle close to Carlos, closing his eyes. Kendall, being dominant, took charge and pulled Logan into him, and they honestly slept the entire thirty minute ride back to Mama Knight's empty house. Mama Knight and Brent were at the hospital with Katie, Lee was working the late shift, and Kahlee was at Kendall's grandma's for the night. Kendall pulled out the pullout couch for Carlos and James, and he and Logan spent the night alone his room.

It was nice to sleep in his own bed, but it was even nicer having Logan beside him. He slept soundlessly next to him, fitting perfectly into the contour of his body.

Katie's baby wasn't born till about 11:40 on February 12th. Kendall and the guys arrived just in time; and they'd gotten to get some decent sleep. The baby was named Brentlie Kendall Belle, after her father and uncle.

"She looks like you, Katie," Kendall commented.

"Thank god," Carlos piped.

"Hey," Brent said, "Be nice on my daughter's birthday."

Kendall smirked and rolled his eyes. He loved his niece, but he couldn't help but love his baby sister just a little more. After all, the two shared those same emerald eyes.

Logan and Kendall were in the large room, on Logan's bed, just talking. "Your dad has a lot of parties," Kendall commented.

"I know."

"Maybe we should think about getting our own place."

Logan wanted to laugh. "You mean, like, me and you?"

"Well, yeah…and Carlos and James. But we'd get our own room. I mean, if you wanted to."

"…this is kind of rushed…"

"Big time," Kendall agreed. "But we're living together already, practically. Things won't really change. Just your address and the amount of parties at the house a week."

The blond had a point, and the pale boy trusted him. He'd go along with anything Kendall said because he was always on Kendall's side. He trusted that his boyfriend knew what was best for him and he agreed; moving in together was their best option to get away from the parties, and to get some privacy. It's not like they couldn't afford it, and it's not like it was going to be frowned upon. James was over eighteen; they could just put it all under his name. their parents wouldn't mind, and they wouldn't go halfway across the world. They'd stay in LA, and go somewhere between Mama Knight's house and J. Daniel Mitchell's mansion.

As it's been noted, Kendall Knight acts on impulse. He's a natural leader, and people naturally follow him and go along with his plans. And he had a plan, and boy, were they going to go along with it. Kendall was Carlos's provider; he'd go anywhere he went, and he'd do anything he told him to. Carlos looked up to Kendall for everything.

James was so crazy in love with Carlos that he'd probably go anywhere Carlos went. At the same time, he liked being the oldest and he liked that Kendall acted on impulse. It had been so different from the previous ill-stricken life he'd been forced to lead. He had to be precisely strict and confident, a leader and successful at it. But he wasn't. and Kendall was. And knew the best night of his life was first time he got arrested, because he met Carlos, and Logan met Kendall. Happiness is not contingent upon material things. Happiness comes from your choices, and what you make of life. Happiness comes from that one person that casually enters your life and changes everything you've ever believed. Happiness is a mystery, and once the mystery unfolds, it's just pure beauty.

And then there's Logan. Logan had depended on other people his whole life so he didn't understand why Kendall was so different. Kendall had changed his life the moment they met; Kendall had made him a better person in so many ways. Kendall did everything he could for Logan, he gave him his all, he worked his ass off for that boy, night and day, day and night. He saw something in Logan when nobody else did. He pushed him to do things nobody else dared to do. He saw past his disability, his imperfections and saw something so much more than a rich, blind skinny, pale kid who hid behind sunglasses. He saw the love of his life.

They did whatever Kendall wanted them to. So when they had a meeting and discussed the option of buying a house; nobody had any oppositions. That was it. It was settled. Kendall was going house hunting in LA.

* * *

note: a little better, length wise, but that was pretty bad haha. i'm going to bed, as it is 1:37 in the morning. thanks for reading (:


	15. Y0u

Thought: This is the final chapter of Things We Don't Talk About. I'm so sad to see it end, but, as we all know, it can't go on forever.

This had been sitting on my computer forever, but I didn't post it. But, I kept going back to it, and going back, and I realized that I honestly have nothing left to say. This is it. It's been an awesome journey with you guys, AGAIN. You inspire me every day.

* * *

Kendall Knight arrived at the studio early, as usual. His hair was well done, his bright eyes shining in the lkight, and wearing the clothes he purchased yesterday. He was very professional , and very ready for the day. "You're looking sharp," his manager, Scott Allen, pointed out. "What's the plan for today, Kendall?"

"I've got a project that I've got in my head. I'd like your help."

Kendall Knight was handsome, charming, talented, and had that winning smile that all the girls loved. But Kendall was also talented, smart, _loyal, caring and kind_, and he believed that music, and life, his fans, his friends, his family, his _Logan_, were all the _best_ thing on this God-given planet that was ever created. He was compassionate and he cared a lot about other people. He wanted to lead everyone into a good direction, in a happy direction, big time. He hated the way he'd let his life get, with the parties, and drinking; and even though he'd gotten drunk with Logan the night they met, and even though it was fun to drink every once in a while, Kendall didn't want to spend his life like that.

He wanted to spend his life with Logan, and with his friends and family. He wanted to spend his life doing concerts, and making movies, and doing whatever it was that made him happy. He had every opportunity at his fingertips, he could literally do anything he wanted. He was going to dream big time, and live big time, because, _it's the only life you've got so you gotta live it big time_.

"Oh? Care to explain?"

Kendall smirked. "Well, here's the thing…"

It was beautiful, the house Kendall bought. It was perfect, actually. He was very careful when house hunting, and he talked to James to get into the details, to know what he should be looking for exactly. He obviously knew that there had to be open spaces, wide hallways etcetera, flat, of course, no stairs. Anywhere. Kendall, of course, being Kendall Knight, had people.

Upon knowing exactly what it was they had to look for in a house, what Kendall wanted in terms of room numbers, pool situation, that kind of thing. Of course, he wanted a studio, or at least a place where he could build one. Kendall's people did their thing and found it, the perfect, subtle flat. Kendall didn't want a big expensive house. He wanted something simple, small, yet spacious, subtle, but beautiful.

Kendall didn't ask for anyone's opinions before he bought the house. In fact, he didn't even see the house before he bought the house. Scott said, "This is it," and Kendall trusted him. The house was purchased, and Kendall looked at it the following week. The week after is when he showed his boys.

LZ, of course, came along and lead Logan, even though Kendall liked to do it, he knew he had to let Logan have his independence. The guys, like Kendall, loved it. Logan seemed to like it, too. It was _very_ open, and the bathroom was huge, the hallways were wide, and it was easy for him and LZ to navigate.

And, Kendall liked the idea of Logan having space; all he wanted was for him to be safe, and happy. He didn't know what it was, but he didn't care. Logan was his, forever. The boy had his heart, and if he could, he'd cut it out of his own chest and hand it to him, like Davy Jones to Calypso, but obviously, he couldn't.

Kendall just loved Logan. The way he took things, head on, the way he braved himself up every night, despite being nervous. The way he did everything out of the pure goodness of his heart. The way he looked when heard Kendall's voice, or held Kendall's hand. The way he walked, the way he talked, the way he said his name. The way he was always nervous, and afraid, but he still mustered up the courage to do the things Kendall did. The way his biggest fear had been stage fright, and judgment, and now, his biggest fear was losing Kendall. The way he did and didn't talk about things, because, after all, the list of things we don't talk about had shortened quite a bit.

The two had inadvertently changed each other. Kendall made Logan more brave, and ready to do things. He made him more confident with himself and his music. He made him fall in love, and he made him think of things in new perspectives. He 'saw' things in a different light and he was _living_.

Logan made Kendall less cocky. He made Kendall less conceited, and he made it so the tall knew _who_ _he was_ and remember where he came from. He made Kendall remember what it was like to love what he was doing, and that happiness comes from making other people happy and by keeping yourself happy by treating yourself to small things every once in a while. Good and bad things happen to everybody, and everybody as good and bad days, regardless where you're from, who you are, what you look like.

And both boys had finally had something they could say that made them happy; each other. Music. Family and friends and fans. In the end, after all, love is all that really matters. Family, and others are what really matter. Because material things don't last forever, but people are infinitely imprinted into your souls.

Logan's debut CD was appropriately titled 'Things We Don't Talk About,' which was also the thirteenth and final track on the album. The song was the easiest song Kendall and Logan wrote, because there was so many things Logan didn't like to talk about. It's release date was May 13th, and Logan's tour started in July, the same time Kendall's tour had the previous year. Kendall, however, had still been working fiercely with Scott all winter, spring and summer on his plans and his third album, which was scheduled to be released the following February. Kendall wanted to focus solely on Logan in the three months that followed his 40 dated tour. It was a much smaller tour than Kendall's, yet it was still more successful than any of them had imagined.

The CD, as well, did _phenomenally _on the charts. It was at the top of iTunes throughout his tour; the CD went platinum, two of his singles went double platinum, and a third triple. To say he was successful was an understatement. In fact, no words could describe how well he did. Not only did Kendall's fans like him, not only did J. Daniel Mitchell's fans like him, but he had gained his _own_ fan base. Millions of people were idolizing him, and he purposefully stayed oblivious to it. He let people do what they want, but he did the same thing. He didn't change.

Kendall told the boys about his big time idea one night while they were on the road, traveling to Bismarck. "What do you guys think of becoming a group?"

"What do you mean?" Carlos questioned, dutifully.

"I mean, you, me, James and Logie. A group. You know, together, on the stage, performing. As a group."

"…don't we already do that?"

"…no. You know it's not the same, you know you're backup. I wanna bring you guys up front, where you belong. I wanna be right alongside you, and Logan, I want you right beside me. We can do this, we can train for this, and this time next summer, we'll be touring. Headlining Big Time Rush with Logan Mitchell and Kendall Knight opening. Pretty neat, right?"

James smirked and looked at Carlos, who seemed apprehensive up till seeing James's excitement. "I'm in if you think it's a good idea," he said to Kendall, then looked at James, "I'm in if you're in."

James's ears reddened and rose as he smiled, "I was about to say that to you."

The three of them turned to Logan, who didn't tense up as he felt six eyes staring at him cautiously. "It'll be a lot of work, Logie," Kendall warned, "you'll have to work harder than the rest of us, you know."

Logan laughed. "Nobody can work harder than you if they _tried_," Logan stated simply. "You know I'm willing to give anything a shot. Big Time Rush - you said?- is no different. I'm by your side, with whatever you have planned."

Kendall stepped forward and hugged his boyfriend, and Logan hugged him back tightly, his arms all over his back. "I trust you," Logan said, something he'd definitely said before, and something Kendall knew he'd say again. Something that Kendall loved to hear, and something that he wanted to hear for the rest of his life. He'd make sure he'd hear it for the rest of his life.

James and Carlos joined them in a big, group hug. They were, after all, a group now. Or, at least, they were going to work their asses off to become Big Time Rush. They'd have Scott, Gustavo and Kelly behind them, every step of the way. With Kendall leading, again, they were destined for greatness.

One night, about a week after the tour ended, and the boys had settled back into their house, Kendall and Logan had cooked dinner, and James and Carlos cleaned up the mess. The four ate together, watched a movie in the living room, then went off their separate ways, two and two, to their bedrooms. The boys had their own beds in their rooms, but that didn't mean they didn't sleep in the same bed.

James always found his way to Carlos's bed, whether it was immediately, or sometime in the middle of the night. He had a hard time sleeping without him after spending so much time sleeping together in hotel rooms and on the tour bus. They were just used to it, and it was comfortable. Kendall and Logan were the same way, but Kendall never bothered to go into his bed.

He just immediately followed Logan to the smaller's bed, knowing there was no way he could sleep without him. LZ, too. There was one night the dog had decided to sleep on the floor instead of on top of Kendall and Logan's feet at the foot of the bed. Kendall had a hard time sleeping that night, too.

The five of them, as in, Kendall, Logan, James Carlos and LZ had formed some sort of weird family bond. It was like, two little couples living in an apartment together. James and Carlos were sickeningly cute, just the way they acted, the way they completed each other. They were so alike, that they meshed into fitting perfectly. Kendall and Logan, however, were so opposite, that hey evened each other out.

Kendall told Logan one day that he wanted to live life to the fullest. "I want you by my side as we live life…you know that, right? Like, you're it. You're what I was destined to find. You take away all the bad in me, you keep me good. I met you because I'm supposed to be with you forever."

Logan turned pink as he smiled and said, "I want to be by your side. Wherever you are, I wanna be there. You know that, right? Like, you're it. You were destined to find me…this was how it was supposed to work. Think back on how all this panned out. Look at where you are, look at where _we_ are…we're like, little adults."

"We are little adults, you know? We _have_ been. Now we have freedom. We have our own place. You know? You're my little smart ass boy-boy-boyfriend and I love you and I don't know where I'd be without you right now."

And it was true. If Kendall hadn't met Logan, if Kendall wouldn't have turned his life around. He would have stayed going downhill, he would have stayed unkempt and uncaring, and untrustworthy. He would have lost his record deal, he would have been lazy, and he would have disappointed millions. But he met Logan, and Logan fixed everything. Logan inspired him to be all he could, Logan inspired him to want to please others. Logan made him realize there was more to life than himself, than fame, than money.

Logan made him realize that good people, real, true, wholesome people, do not take, but give. They do not feel bad for themselves for things that have happened to them in the past, but they move on with their lives and chase their dreams and be all that they can be and _know_ that they're worth it.

Because everybody is worth it.

Kendall worked with his boys, and he worked with Logan. Gustavo had set them up with Mr. X, the expert choreographer who trained Kendall as a solo artist. Now, he was helping the guys, as a group. Carlos couldn't dance, Logan couldn't dance, and James couldn't dance. They worked for five to nine hours a day with Mr. X for weeks, and they also each worked privately with Kendall, who picked it all up much easier than the others.

"It's one, two, one two, three, one three two. It's the most simplest routine we've got. Why can't you nail it? Is something bothering you?" Kendall asked Carlos, who was usually the quickest to learn the routines with Kendall's one-on-one teachings.

"It's their anniversary," said Carlos, with a big breath.

Kendall nodded, understanding immediately, mentally slapping himself for not knowing the date had been the 18th. Carlos's father was dead; the man had been psychotically suicidal for _years_ before he took his life when Carlos was ten. He'd already been living with the Knights for four years at that point, but it didn't change the pain he felt to learn his father's fate.

The boy's mom was literally an alcoholic. She'd drink and drink and drink and was so incompetently unfit as a parent that Mama Knight couldn't just sit back and let these people attempt to raise this sweet little energetic ball of Carlos. She loved the kid, so she took him in.

Kendall put his arm around Carlos, knowing that his friend was hurting. "I know it's an old story -" Carlos started.

"I'm here for you, Carlos. You don't need to be brave all the time. I know it hurts you, everyday, all the time…"

"I just can't help but wonder where she is, you know? I can't help but want to go back to Minnesota and see his grave. But it won't change anything. I'll still _hate_ them. I'll still miss them…"

"You always have me. And James! And Logie, of course, and LZ. Mama Knight, Katie. The babies. Brent, even when we don't want him. Scott. Gustavo, Kelly. _Fans_. _We_ love you, and we take care of you. If you want to find your mom, Carlos, I'll do that. Say the word, I'll get people on that immediately."

Carlos took in a deep breath and hesitated before shaking his head softly. "No. It'll ruin everything. I bet she's already been trying to find us, to squirm money out of you. We can't find her. We can't see her. We can't support her habit, and we cant' be apart of her life. She chose the drug over me. I don't want to see someone who doesn't make me their priority."

Kendall smiled, his ears rising as he did so, something that made Carlos immediately think of James. "You talk to James about this already, huh?"

Carlos nodded, with a little smirk on his face and he said, "I don't know what it is. But I love that kid."

Kendall laughed, concurring to the same point about his own boyfriend. "It'll be okay, Carlitos, right? I mean, you don't _need_ your mother in your life. She hasn't been for the past twelve years. You've got a mom. You've got a brother, and a boyfriend, two sisters, and a niece. Granted, Dad's still out of the picture, but, I mean, it wasn't _our_ fault he left…"

"And it's not your fault he doesn't call or write," Carlos pressed, hearing the change in his best friends' voice. "He's a douche bag. He doesn't know what he's missed out on, and he doesn't deserve to be apart of your life. This life…this friggin amazing life that you've created for us. We're all living the dream because of you. You're life changing, Kendall, everywhere you go, you change lives. You impact others, you inspire others. There is nothing you could do that would change the way I feel about you. You're incredible, you're my best friend, you're my brother, and I owe you my life."

Kendall smiled. "You know," he said, "You didn't have to go get all corny on me."

Carlos laughed. "Sorry, habit. Show me those steps again? One two, one two, one two, one two, one three one two…?"

"One two, one two, three, one three two," Kendall repeated for the umpteenth time and then proceeded to show him the steps.

Kendall was working with James in the booth. Gustavo had been pretty harsh on him for over-doing his vocals and Kendall was trying to help him tone it down and find control. "So," James said, suddenly, after Kendall called for a three minute break. "You love my brother?"

Kendall, slightly shocked and afraid of this question said, "…yeah," honestly. That was part of the new Kendall, being honest. "…you, uh, you love my brother?"

James laughed, "Yeah. I love him, alright. He's my favorite…everything. My favorite person, singer, dancer, comedian, chef, actor, companion, friend…he's the best….like, he's so sweet; he's always trying to do things for me, like, make those cookies the other night, or playing Frisbee in the park, you know? He really likes to run, that boy. Almost as much as he likes ice-cream and playing hockey."

"I know he talks about his life with you, like, his _deep_ life. The past."

James nodded. "His parents, his brother… he doesn't like to talk about it, but he likes to talk to me. He trusts me. I love that."

Kendall smiled. "Yeah. Carlos's trust is something precious. Hold it close and don't let go, because if you lose it once, you're not getting it back."

James nodded. "I would never want to do anything to lose his trust. He's the most important person in the world to me. Ever have one person change your entire life completely? Give you a different outlook on life? Make you see things in a new and exciting way? He's so optimistic and bright and he just moves forward with his life, and he hates looking back, but he loves to make memories. He loves to make memories _with me_."

Kendall knew exactly how James felt. He, after all, had fallen in love with Logan, the most inspirational, brilliant, motivating, determined, hard-working human being he'd ever met. He couldn't even begin to fathom how lucky he felt to have Logan. He knew James was feeling the same way, because he knew how much Carlos inspired the pretty tan one. It was quite incredible how in-synch the two tall teens feelings were.

"Kendall, I gotta thank you," James said suddenly. "For bringing Carlos to Elixir that night. If things didn't change…I'd be dead. I guarantee you, I would be, if I didn't meet Carlos. Carlos…he changed my life. You're a big part of who he is, and you not only accepted me, but you accepted Logan. And you love him the way he is, which was his biggest fear. There is nothing you could do that would change the way I feel about you. Bro. Because you've saved it, I owe you my life."

Kendall smiled and gave him the manliest hug he could give, although, there's usually nothing manly about giving your bro a hug. Just, a hug.

Logan was in the studio, alone - well, with LZ, when Kendall fond him. "Hey, babe," he said casually. It just rolled off his tongue easily now. "Whatcha doing?"

Logan smiled upon hearing Kendall's voice, "Thinking."

"About what?"

"About your big tour plans for Big Time Rush."

"Nothing worth having in life comes easy," Kendall said with a smile. "For example, it took me seventeen years to find you."

Logan laughed. "Yeah, well, us meeting was fate, not plans."

"Oh, so you're nervous about what I've got up my sleeve?"

"It's a big sleeve," Logan commented.

"Don't worry," he said, latching onto Logan from behind, "I won't do anything I think you can't do. But you will learn these dances," he said that last part firmly, "Carlos is the only one allowed to struggle with these dance moves, got it? You need more practice."

Logan rolled his eyes. "Yes, _honey_," he said. "I'm working on it."

"You're always going to be between me and Carlos," Kendall said, "You'll get used to that, it'll be all you'll think about and the rest will come naturally. You feel dancing."

Logan smiled and nodded.

"…do you like me?" Kendall asked his boyfriend, randomly, the question suddenly hitting him.

Logan laughed because he knew Kendall was serious. "What do you mean, 'do I like you'? Of course I do, I _love_ you."

"Just because you love somebody, it doesn't mean you necessarily _like_ them. For example, Brent. I can't stand Brent, I think he's the most arrogant, unsophisticated, slob of a pig that ever walked the planet. But I'd stand up for him if I needed to because I love him, he's family. But I _hate_ him."

"You can't choose your family Kendall. You choose your friends, and your spouses. And you chose me, and I chose you back. That's what makes us click. I liked you before I loved you. I liked the way you talked to me like I wasn't going to break when you saw me. I like the way you impulsively act, like, by staying you'll stay with me over a weekend, out on a whim, a strange kid that you'd never met before who was pathetic. I like the way you put family and friends first, and I like the way you treat all your fans like family. I like that you're so generous, and kind-hearted, and that you're not afraid of anything. I like that you step up to the plate when something needs to get done and I like the way you lead everybody to a great finish to the start of everything. There is nothing you could do that would change the way I feel about you. All your accomplishments and achievements? You're so well rounded; you're the best person I've ever met, and I'm gonna love you forever."

Kendall smiled, slightly relieved by that answer. A simple yes would have done, but, he knew better from Logan. He knew that boy would talk about his heart out to anything worth talking about, and he could go on for _hours_ about his love for Kendall.

"Logan?"

"Yeah?"

"Wanna learn the new dance?"

Logan laughed. "Only if it involves you holding me really close."

Kendall let go of Logan, walked to the front of the chair and took the smaller boy's arms, and held him super close, so close that they could hold a magazine with their stomachs. "Is this close enough?"

"…no…" Logan whispered.

Then Kendall kissed him, and Logan smiled before kissing back, wanting exactly that. "Kendall?" Logan asked, putting his head on the familiar shoulder.

"Yeah?"

"Promise me that, no matter what ever happens to us, you'll _never_ leave my life? Like…my mom…?"

Kendall said, "Listen to me. There is nothing you could do that would ever make me leave you. If you stabbed me, I'd still stay. If you broke my heart, I'd still stay. If you told me that if I didn't leave, then you'd murder me with your bare hands, I would never leave you. I'd never leave you like your mom, I promise."

Logan smiled, satisfied. "Do you think she thinks about James and me sometimes?" Logan asked.

Kendall didn't know, but he didn't say that. He said, "Of course she does."

"Do you think we'll be okay? I mean, do think this Big Time Rush thing will work?"

"If I had even the slightest doubt about it, do you think I'd work my ass off to make it happen?"

Logan smirked. "Good point."

Kendall smiled, and just kissed him again.

The four boys met inside to cook dinner that evening; Mama Knight, Katie, the babies, and Brent were all to go to their house for dinner that evening. James set the table, Carlos made desert, and Logan helped Kendall cook. It was pasta salad, but they were making two large batches because James liked Italian dressing on his, and Kendall liked mayonnaise and tuna, so, to please everybody, they made two pounds of each. And steak. Everybody liked steak, but Kendall cooked those on the grill.

Logan was sitting, bored, as Kendall was cutting green peppers. He started to play with the mayonnaise jar, and accidentally flung mayonnaise on the ceiling. Nobody noticed a thing till some dripped onto Kendall's shoulder, and he instinctively looked up, seeing the glob of white, stickyness on the ceiling. "What is that?" he asked, looking around, seeing Logan still holding the jar. "Loges…" he started laughing. "You got mayonnaise on the ceiling."

Logan's cheeks turned red and slowly, cautiously, put the mayonnaise on the counter. "My bad." and the boys just laughed and shrugged it off, because steaks were being cooked and the family had arrived. It was weird to think of how much time had passed, the whole summer. Kahlee was going to be one in like, four months. They were working on becoming a group, they'd gotten a place together.

Everybody was happy and it was awesome to have that feeling all the time.

They were eating, laughing, and enjoying their time together. Brent wasn't being a complete tool, Kahlee was laughing, and Lee had even joined them, which was a nice surprise. Everybody seemed content, everybody liked what they were eating, and Kendall was completely satisfied with his life. Logan was too. In fact, they all were happy with where they were, and none of them could have said that before they met each other, before the Mitchells and Knights collided.

"We're working all winter," Kendall said excitedly, "And we're learning routines and stuff, writing songs…my album is being pushed up, so I've gotta step it up a little, so Big Time Rush can tour a little this summer. But as of right now, that tour isn't set in stone; it probably won't happen till next winter, once Logan and I have a summer tour and then work on the Big Time Rush winter tour."

"So, you're going to tour all next year?"

"No. We're touring from June till September, then from December till March. Maybe even till April. Our winter tour will be worldwide."

Mrs. Knight looked down, knowing she was going to miss them, miss nights like these.

"Don't worry, girl, I'll be thinking about you worldwide," Kendall said to his mom, giving her a wink.

She smiled, proud of her son's ambition. Proud that he still had his dreams, and proud that he had dreams for other people, too.

"…Kendall?" Katie questioned her brother, suddenly, "what's that on the ceiling?"

The four boys shifted eyes and gave each other looks, before simultaneously saying, "We don't talk about that."

* * *

Epilogue.

Big Time Rush's debut CD was self-titled. With their cameo appearances during Logan and Kendall's summer tour the following year, and their CD being released in November, it went platinum within the few days of release. The first single, Big Time Rush, had also gone platinum before the CD's release.

The boys broke records with their tours, people went crazy over Big Time Rush, people went crazy over Kendall and Logan, and James and Carlos, and the four boys were literally living dreams that, when they were kids, could never have seen. It was hard for Kendall to think that about four or so years before this, none of this was within reach. But if you chase your dreams, and work hard enough, and happen to be really lucky, you can do anything.

Kendall Knight always followed his dreams, and his heart. He didn't let anyone stop him from doing what he had envisioned; he didn't let anyone tell him something was too big to be done. He lived his life to the fullest, and he appropriately pushed everyone into doing the same. He kept in contact with the family that loved him. His one dream was forever and always music. His one love was forever and always Logan. His one, favorite brother was forever and always Carlos. And his best friend was forever and always James.

And those were the few subjects he could talk forever and always about.

* * *

Note: Thanks for everyone who stuck out this story with me. Through the ups and downs, you know? You've always had my back, and have always pushed me to post lol. Thank you SO much for being here with me. I love you all, thank you for reading Things We Don't Talk About. (:


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